Saturday, May 1, 2010


At 4,

I wanted to be an astronaut.

I thought my dad was superhero

My deepest desire was to be able to cross the street without holding my mom’s hand.

I didn’t knew that girls and boys were different

At 9,

I wanted to be a cricketer

I thought my dad is great

My only wish was to beat up those bullies who used to play with me.

I didn’t want to talk with any girls.

At 14,

I wanted to be poet

I thought my dad sometimes loses his sense.

My deepest desire was to learn riding a bike.

I had a big time crush on her, but could hardly tell her.

At 19,

I wanted to be an engineer.

I thought my dad is a Oldie.

My deepest desire was to be able to afford a bike.

I proposed her finally for the first time.

At 24,

I was an engineer, but I hated doing engineering work

I was convinced my dad is a complete jerk.

My deepest desire was to quit job and enter politics.

After umpteen proposals from me, she finally agreed.

At 29,

I was an MBA, I wanted to be a business head

I thought my dad isn’t that bad afterall.

My deepest desire was to own a Mercedes

Luckily, she married me.

At 34,

I wanted to become CEO

I thought my dad is a great person

My deepest desire was to write a book

Our daughter’s smile was our most cherished treasure

At 39,

I want to write a book.

My dad is a superhero

My deepest desire is to be my daughter’s superhero.

We have started planning for our retirement.

Ahh….and who said Life begins at 40.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


Mumbai - a city of subdued morality bubbling with a frenzy of nervous energy, where every individual fights for himself, a city which gets channeled to jingoism by its resident evils, a city whose self-centre persona lacks empathy, a metropolis whose only remnant culture can’t be scripted as culture, a city with fake identity, no roots and a juxtaposed spirit. The city which under its deceptive subtle stink of dead fish metamorphosis the unsuspecting human into hollowness and makes him cherish it. It is the city which in its quest of smartness has parted ways with intellect, which walks in an unknown unyielding race to nowhere, a city which can’t be on time, it’s a city which lacks civilization.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

You know you are busy when

- When you walk into a CEO’s cabin and then suddenly forget the reason why you went in

- When a person putting in 18 hours a day starts calling you ‘workaholic”

- When you consider being called “workaholic” extremely derogatory

- When you start having dinner with your left hand because you can type faster with only right hand as compared to only left hand while eating.

- When you are the only moron in office who is served breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, tea on the table.

- When you receive over 200 mails marked “to” to you every day.

- When you put ‘having sex’ on your ‘to-do’ list for the weekend and still miss it

- When you have worked atleast 20 hours every weekend including public holidays for the last 7 months

- When you stop replying to SMS/ messages/calls / offline messages even if it is from some very sizzling hot babe asking you for a date

- When someone who speaks a bit slowly comes to talk with you, you tell him to drop a mail instead.

- When you can’t remember your dad’s cell no. and your own ATM / credit card passwords

- When the CEO asks you what time can he have a word with you about something important and you innocuously reply ‘during lunch time’

- When you ignore the SMS you receive from the bank stating your monthly salary deposit

- When you don’t have time for meeting Directors of prominent investment banks who fly from Singapore and New York just to meet you.

- When you book 4 flight tickets every week and cancel at least 2 of them and forget to take refund

- When you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is try to recall is what work in the office is pending.

- When you have no time to claim reimbursements of over Rs 1.5 lac of your bills from the accounts for the last 2 months

- When you keep extra pair of clothes in office so that you can work overnight in the office and pretend to be fresh next morning.

- When you were planning to write this post for the past 2 months and will be posting it sometime next month.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I always knew the most difficult and the most important step in marketing once you are clear of your business objective is to determine criteria for segmenting the target customer base.  From a classical economics point of view, the utility functions should decide the dimensions; but most marketers have been too dumb or their study of marketing had started with Kotler and ended at Kotler.  Psyhographic or behavorial segmentation based on parameters derived from difference in utility functions tends to be the ideal way of segmenting customers.  Most marketers however on account of lack of data and conceptual clarity revert to mundane and more tangible parameters like demographic segmentation.  Even that is perfectly fine, if their intent to use demographic or other variables is to create a surrogate of behavioral or psychographic segmentation model and try to get as close as possible to the ideal situation.

Another major fallacy that Kotler hasn't clearly addressed in his writings is whether your require a single segmentation model or multiple.  Well, you require a segmentation to be done initially for determining which segment you are going to target, may be another segmentation for defining which subsegment of your overall segment of customers would you target a particular promotion campain ( and the promotion campaing may be targetted at achieving sales or just simple improving brand health).  Infact the truth is that for each and every activity that the marketer intends to do ( whether come up with a new SKU, a new discount scheme, a new advert., a new promotion campaign), he again requires to go through the rituals of segmentation all over again.  Creating micro segments is something on which Kotler and party sold out.  But the busy guys that the marketers are trust their guts most of the times rather than getting into the technicalities of trying out further segmentation.  Also lack of a quality MR agency and their exorbitant rates makes it difficult to repeat such exercises time and again.

And today, I am in a peculiar scenario where I lose one fifth of my customers every month, gain back one third of the customers whom I lost this month over the next 3 months, and gain 20 % new customers every month.   I end up in a scenario wherein how a long a customer has been with me doesn't bear any probability of how long is he going to be.  I have absolutely no demographic data for any of my customers.  And it doesn't help my customer base is in millions.

So what ????  Put on your thinking cap.  Get back to basics.    Lets segment and segment further and segment further...buss...itna hi...jyada segment karne ki bhi zarurat nahi hai

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Feel like getting married

You feel you should get married when

- A friend from school puts up snaps of his kids 4th birthday on Orkut

- Even all your Bong friends younger than you are getting married

- When you start receiving wedding invitations from your batchmates younger siblings.

- When no one taunts you about your closet smelling like an unattended public toilet at the railway station

- When you see kids whom you have hold in your hands when they were born having girlfriends / boyfriends

- Your bank account balance is about to touch a 7 figure mark.

- When you struggle every time to buy gifts for your female friends getting married

- When your staple diet consists of Pizza’s from Domino’s

- When you are awake at 3 in the night reading business reports.

- When your colleagues leave work early on most days citing family reasons.

- You require a dependant to be able to claim your entire LTA amount.

- When you fall really sick, the only people who know it are your online friends on Gtalk thru your status message.

- When it’s a long time since your last break up
- When you have two closets in your apartment and one is absolutely empty

You feel like not getting married

- When one more of your friend gets a divorce after marrying his long time love

- When you find a friend of yours now married couldn’t get time from family functions

- When you can’t just put up with your family and are scared at the thought of having to put up with someone else’s family.

- You love to make more money in a month than you can spend in a year

- When you still enjoy getting off from any side of the bed

- When you enjoy Domino’s Pizza more than roti-sabzi

- When you have just one closet

- When you just had your break up
- When you can cook Maggi and eat it too

- Your salary doesn’t have an LTA component

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

To suniyaa and jaggi and bavda

suniyaa....yaa....thats the way I call him.   One of my best friends Sunil leaves India tonight for Australia.  and he is standing for in the line for the check in now.  And how lucky is this bastard.  He will be staying with two of my another best friends, both named Jatin in Australia.  And I m gonna be really really really really really jealous of you three. I hate you for this, if you are reading this; but I know you won't be.  For you three morons will never get time to stop watching some porn over the internet and read all the bull shit which I write on this blog.

am effusively sentimental of all those long nights we spend at Kankaria lake, all those bhagadod we did for getting sponserships, all those love affairs you guys had, and all those nights just before the exam where we studied so hard :), those last minute "course tick marking " sessions

And I will kill all three of you, incase you cheer for Australia in cricket.

I have really not been able to meet most of closest friends from engineering and school days.  And I hope I would be able to meet my best pals from XLRI for a long long long time to come.

Neways, I think I will devote next few posts to some of my priceless friends.    All the best to those dear friends of mine who are going to feature on this blog soon.  Those who wish to not get in the line of fire, may drop me a line

the US of A

I think it was in Chetan Bhagat's " one night at a call centre' , i had come across this piece of satire. 

(Mis)Quote: " I think there are like 5 intelligent people in US of A.  The rest of the guys call us up every night"

Today I had a conversation with one such moron, that I now truly appreicate CB.

One super gyaani friend of mine, who has been all around the world puts it
"The Russians are the most intelligent, The Chinese are the smartest, The Indians are the c**ya ( lets say its a metaphor of being the shrewdest), The Australians the wildest, The Americans the dumbest."

But the fact being America continues to be one of the ( if not the) most powerful nations on earth, boasts of being the home to most innovations and new life changing technologies, makes me take a bow to the land of liberty.


It has been sometime since I had last penned my own self description. So thought to just revise it. Though I am still to alter drastically, I think I have changed over the last 3 years. So here it goes.

1. If I think, I am.

2. If you can’t understand the above sentence, pl. do not waste your time..just piss off.

3. I am not sick, I am just single.

4. I value few values, which don’t have any value in valuations.

5. I love girls, who have brain bigger than their boobs.

6. I don’t like grey. I just talk and write- black & white.

7. I spend recklessly. I earn too much.

8. I am an intellectual. I have been able to find few things more interesting than sex.

9. I am a scholar. I can’t tolerate fools. Sometimes, not even myself.

10. I hope my epitaph may read: “No regrets”. But I prefer living rather with a few regrets.

11. I am yet to find a cause to ‘Live for’.

12. I can’t get no satisfaction.

13. I scribble sometimes. Some people call it poetry.

14. My job doesn’t suck. My boss is not a jerk.

15. I don’t drive. I prefer a chauffer instead.

16. I always try my very best to help my friends.

17. I can be mad, crazy, passionate & wise at the same time.

18. I still love Sachin Tendulkar. I am not gay.

19. I enjoy watching Tom & Jerry, Popeye.

20. I strongly believe that world is too small and life is too long.  Some stories therefore never end

21. I love my friends for their eccentricities. They like me for my abnormalities.

22. I am not my best friend. Not even close. They are Kumar, Jatin, Rajan, Sunil, Raju.

23. I haven’t met any of them over the last 3 years.

24. I am a virgin.

25. Sometimes, I lie. But, I am economical with it.

26. I worship Dhirubhai Ambani. The company I admire the most is AMUL (GCMMFL)

27. I never had a role model. But Vikram Sarabhai comes close.

28. I crib. I crib a lot.

29. There isn’t a selfish bone in my body.

30. I think in English. I abuse in Hindi.

31. Before MBA, I believed most HR guys are useless. Now I think all of them are.

32. I hope no one from my company HR reads this. I hope all my HR friends from MBA read this.

33. I love art. I praise creativity.

34. I can’t appreciate Shakespeare and I can’t understand Salman Rushdie.

35. I love literary classics. I’ve started reading Indian Philosophy lately.

36. I like to believe I am good in marketing. I know I am better in Strategy.

37. I am fantastic in Indian Contracts.

38. I am pathetic in technical stuff.

39. Did I mention I am a Mechanical Engineer?

40. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid.

41. I haven’t lost a single rupee in the stock market.

42. Pizza and maggi was my staple diet. Not any more.

43. I’ve lost 15 kg. in the last 2 months.

44. My parents think I am still a kid. I dare not disagree.

45. I abhor pigs, cockroaches and software engineers.

46. I am a Gandhian. But I know karate.

47. Money matters, more money matters more. Yet I don’t run after money.

48. I ended up in the highest paying job in engineering and it was my dream job.

49. I don’t want to leave India.

50. I am OK in swimming and rifle shooting.

5I. I am a good actor.

52. I am an excellent public speaker.

53. I am not humble. Its tough to be after being so talented.

54. I cry.

55. Sometimes, I stammer. I have won more elocution competitions than my age.

56. I am an environmentalist.

57. I hate people who keep dogs more than I hate dogs.

58. I won’t fall in love again. But may be, I will rise in it.

59. I intend to adopt a girl child someday.

60. I hate shopping.

61. I smoke occasionally. But the occasions come a bit too often.

62. I don’t know how to cook. The only recipe I remember is that of ice cubes.

63. I don’t know when to eat. Or may be when not to eat.

64. I hate, hate, hate mediocrity.

65. I usually don’t pick up others fight. But when I sincerely do, I fight.

66. I am a grossly underrated schemer.

67. My first boss was the shrewdest creature I have ever met. I prefer not meeting any more.

68. I respect most women. I hardly trust any.

69. I was among the least intelligent creatures in my batch during MBA.

70. But I was lucky to land up in the highest paying job in MBA.

71. I like people who outsmart me. I hate people who do that often.

72. Sometimes, I don’t believe in God. Forget God, I sometimes can’t even find a plumber.

73. I believe in Luck. How else can I explain the success of some, whom I dislike?

74. I have a soft corner for all my juniors from school, engg. & MBA

75. I can’t stand half of my relatives. I don’t know the other half.

76. If not for the lack of alternatives, I would’ve hated democracy.

77. I can take any shit from anybody; but I always return it with high compounded interest.

78. I am too blunt at times and I hate it.

79. I would love to love somebody more than I love myself.

80. I can be dangerously sarcastic. I don’t mind being personal.

81. is my favorite number

82. I am passionate about working towards education for unprivileged children.

83. I am the bravest person I know.

84. Life has not been kind to me. But I held only myself responsible for what I am (not) today.

85. I mind my business, but I do interfere.

86. I love India and I am a fanatic.

87. I don’t have views. I have convictions.

88. I don’t lose bets.

89. I still remember all my school friends’ birthday. At times, I can’t recollect my first name.

90. I rarely keep any grudges. When I do, I plan my revenges absolutely meticulously.

91. I am yet to write my favorite poem. Till then its “Madhushala” by Bacchanji.

92. I take drinks rarely.

93. I crave for importance.

94. I hate people who shirk work. Even if it is me.

95. I don’t flirt with air hostesses. I don’t flirt with ‘non-air hostesses’ also.

96. I can’t stand banal talk and fake laughs.

97. I ain’t fun loving; nor could I appreciate people whose sole objective in life is to have fun.

98. I long for being at home. But I don’t go often even if I have time.

99. I am too kind at most times.

100.First impressions matter.

101. I don’t have two faces. “If I had, would I be wearing this one” – Lincoln.

101. I rarely get angry and can camouflage my anger.

102. I am more comfortable in formals than casuals. I hate flashy clothes.

102. I am yet to make any enemies. But I have lost many friends.

103. I am good in networking.

104. I love Bollywood flicks.

105. Juhi Chawla was my first crush. I don’t know the name of the last one.

106. I have never been consistent with my work. But I can slog like hell.

107. I am a perfectionist.

107. I don’t give up on myself easily. I am supremely confident of myself.

108. I hate people who show off their knowledge. Though sometimes, I also do so.

109. I don’t attend calls before 9 in the morning, come what may.

110. Micro - Economics is my latest crush since last 2 years. I am not very good with it though.

111. I curse myself for not being in touch with my pals from school, engineering, earlier jobs.

112. I crave for being at peace with myself. I haven’t been successful so far.

113. I like forwarded mails.

114. I used to carry 3 SIM cards, but rarely used cell phone for the last 2 years.

115. I used to be a voracious reader. Now I spend time just thinking.

116. I can find grammatical mistakes in TOI editorials. Hey TOI guys. Can’t u improve?

117. I have damn sharp memory.

118. I go to sleep, earliest by 2 am. I am a nocturnal creature.

119. I do some things, sometimes “just for the heck of it”.

120. I don’t bullshit, as much as I should.

121. I love taking other people’s cases. I enjoy it when someone tries to take mine.

122. Few friends still give me the luxury of being classified into “Homo Sapiens Sapiens”

123. I criticize harshly, I am lavish in praise only for people who I don’t care about.

124. I love watching the rainbow. I don’t like clear skies. I love imagining shapes in the clouds

125. I have never taken a ride on a merry-go-round.

126. I am not only my biggest critic, I get the honors for many others too.

127. I have drastically reduced my chatting with people online.

128. I have never been in my hometown on election day. I have never voted yet.

129. I know four languages: English, Gujarati, Hindi & the language of eyes.

130. I borrowed the “eyes funda” in the above line from somebody. I dislike plagiarism.

131. If I am, I think.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Lost Dreamers

I did spent 2 months recently at a relatively remote location, which was a once in a lifetime adventure. I did have some of the most unimaginable utmost interesting experience; but somehow I would not be sharing those on this blog. Maybe I feel it deserves a better platform; maybe a book or atleast another blog for that matter. And I will name it " The Lost Dreamers".....Do look out for it when it comes and I bet you won't regret it. Adios

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Strategy Again : Sun Tzu and "the 3rd Smiling Buddha

During my MBA days, I fell in love with strategy and had devoted over half my time studying the domain. I once chanced upon Sun Tzu’s Art of War. After reading tons of research paper on the subject, at first Sun Tzu failed to enchant me, as it wasn’t any way related to Firm level Business Strategy, my prominent area of interest in strategy. It felt more like random filmi gyaan from a dilapidated budhau, but just for the heck of it, I opted to read it. Maybe as I had seen that book in the cabin of my first boss prompted me to read it. And for a very innocent reason, I thought to test the effectiveness of its preaching.

I did and still do strongly believe that the best of the best strategies are never known. For the essence of strategy also lies in one’s ability to replicate itself time and again against the clueless opponents. It reminded me of a personal conversation I had with a famous cricketer of the Indian side as he narrated me the team’s plan of batting against a particular bowler. Though the outcome was evidently visible to a normal spectator, the intention and the extent of predetermined strategy could never be fathomed.

And so one day I began my experiment with the art of war. I immersed myself into developing a meticulous plan comprising of a series of tactics, then named by me “the 3rd smiling Buddha” (I had two smiling Buddha statues on my desk that time) by me which was aimed at affecting (not annihilating….after all it was just an experiment, not a real big grudge; btw a line of orkut profile goes “ I rarely keep grudges, but when I do I plan my revenges meticulously) a neighboring madhouse molusc. And probably only then was I able to appreciate during the execution of this what I thought of an almost perfectly framed plan, the extent of tactical maneuvers required. It made me realize the brilliance of thoughts put forth by Sun Tzu and the scope of its wide applicability; more so for tactical moves rather than long term strategic actions.

Coming back to “The 3rd Smiling Buddha”, the initial plan though was formulated sometime in October was for a shorter duration of executing it over the next 1.5 months, but as time went by, I did made it full fledged plan with multiple options and back up plans to be executed over the next 4 months, yet most events turned out be almost as perfectly as were anticipated and as designed. A plan which involved multiple actors, inspired and at times agitated to play the roles designed for them, a host of unattended, seemingly inconsequential but critical influencers and few unwarranted, unintended casualties on the mollusc’s side on the way. Yes, there were many with their own personal agenda on board, but they had absolute no idea of the underlying scheme of things which were to unfurl over a phase of time. In the meantime, a high profile drama involving multiple generations was created against the mollusc, and then withdrawn just to make the dumb creature underestimate the opposition’s proficiency forte and put an indelible wound on it to be exploited at a later stage. And it did put more than a spot of doubt in the minds of the regulators, which was so well exploited. Poor mollusc tried to be very aggressive, may be he didn’t know that this wasn’t the real assault. Tzu had mentioned decades back “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence.” The master further wrote “Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective”. I still do vividly remember that call summoned by the mollusc inviting all and sundry to announce his victory and how I just kept mum as the mollusc’s top monk took to top gears.

I seriously feel like giving myself a pat on the back for the patience I showed while carrying on with the plan, despite of absolutely high work load, little changes in tactics that were required from time to time, adding supporters and at one of time detractors on both sides as planned and the efforts required to create appropriate buzz at the correct time, to identify catalysts, influencers, and the flux material was really some dedicated work. The time required to create seemingly unrelated events (which I term as “chaos” or codes) in such an apt fashion that the chaos appears to be the precursor of the real intended event. Though I did underestimate the nose poking ability and limelight seeking tendency of an influencer and a couple of catalyst, it thankfully didn’t really create any irreversible damage to attainment of the main objective. Favorable guards were provided to the mollusc for fencing his gate to euphoria, though it was ensured no casualties take place on the guards front when the lightning struck. The wound now was getting deeper and deeper and the populace was agitated. As in cricket so in war; the timing is everything. As the day of the mollusc’s doom was getting closer, the schemer that the mollusc was, it believed it had the key to the lock, and the key it did had, but not for the lock which really mattered. Yaa, though the climax got delayed by a day than what was designed, but then luck as they say does count.

The commandment for deception did say “Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.” It was just like a game of chess. Just the opponent doesn’t know who the opposite player is. He believes he has the control to change the rules of the game, whereas you actually influence it one at a time, without his knowledge. He believes that he controls his pawns atleast, whereas you make some of his pawns tread the path you intend. And there is a third one man army out there ( and you will try guessing it and I bet you would guess this wrongly), which you make your opponent believe, is supporting him, only to pull out at the last critical moment. Though I ensured that the mollusc underestimates my ability of striking at him, the mollusc aided his downfall by leaving some very critical positions open, which I grabbed with open hands. Though the mollusc did control fully one of the most vital influencer and decision maker, the ferocity of the populace converted him to a neutral spectator in this contest. It was camouflage, deception at its absolute prime for me. It was not just one knockout punch but a series of small punches carefully planned.

Over 5 months since the initial script was written came the icing on the cake, when the mollusc fell into the final trap and rejoiced his victory oblivious to the fact that his seemingly victory was a event predetermined after a hell lot of pleading and interconnection by me and my smirk that evening was worth a million dollars. I would admit that certain events panned out as expected and a tinge of luck was on my side during this experiment on the art of war. Though the mollusc never got courageous enough to directly confront me, but as they say deewaaroon ke bhi kaan hote hai. Also, I would definitely acknowledge that I do sincerely believe that the mollusc was the best schemer around and I couldn’t have got a better subject. After all, I just can’t stand loud jeering music. And yes, the master said “Never share everything you know” for information by influence edges over influence by information.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Vote zarur karna with or without tea

99.9999 (to the fourth decimal) percent of all species that ever existed on this earth has got extinct. On an average 50 to 55 species get extinct every year. And if that is indeed the law of nature, I wonder whether the human species will get extinct or not.

The sun is the only fundamental source of energy which gives rise to all other forms of energy. Earlier mankind use to live on current sun energy in terms of energy stored in plants and light and heat. Later on through fossil fuels and other mineral ores we opted to harness the ancient or the past sunlight. The current sunlight if harnessed by current levels of its utility and technology would be able to support about a billion people on this planet which is less than 1/7th the current population.

Maybe it’s high time to think for all our efforts to mitigate climate change. Its just not global warming, its not just chemical contamination, its not just population explosion, its just not soil erosion. It’s rather about life of your children.

So I ask today all of you to vote. Vote not only once in five years at the polling booth. But vote everyday, every moment. Because every time you switch on that electrical appliance you don’t really need, every time you buy a thing you are voting for the way that thing was made, the thing it will be used and the way in which it will be destroyed after use considering its implications on the environment.

Think we are indeed living in the 11th hour. You are not exactly correct. We are infact in the last minute of the 11th hour. So, I urge you all again to vote. Vote for your own life, survival of your own kids.

PS : The US of A indeed leads the world by a big way in consumption and wasteful spending. More money is spent every year in US on maintaining lawns than the total central tax collections in India. The US military budget exceeds the entire GDP of Australia, a country equivalent in size.

PSS : A study done 12 years ago indicates that all those things which nature provides us for free such as oxygen, sunlight and all the fossil fuels if valued would amount to over 40 trillion dollars, more than twice the GDP of all nations combined.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Well, borrowing the idea from like every other blogger of my batch, I have opted to thank to all those lovely, beautiful, intelligent, helpful, charming, adorable, sexy ( discretion to be exercised) and lovable friends who wrote me a testimonial. For all those who haven’t written one, rest assure I will write you one on this blog sooner or later and you will have no f**king option to reject it.

waise muzhe bhi, yeh yearbook ke time par testi. likhne ka time nahi mila yaar. Now as you know that the ‘gandi-waali-gaali-deserving yearbook team’ had just given us only 15 odd extensions to the testi. writing deadline and the super shortage of time I faced due to being immersed in pursuits of saving world from aliens and ‘finishing’ off all angrezi movies on DC++ ( yaa..i just downloaded Alien III), to filling up umpteen forms ( damn Citi, bharti & TAS) and creative writing of CVs ( though not as hyper creative as some :-) and not to mention studying 4 full subjects in the 6th term wherein I managed a CQ of 5.0, I was pressed for time to write testimonials for all my buddies. But for all those who took out time from their busy skejules ( yaa..I am watching the movie ‘Outsourced’ now) to pen down a few flattering words for me, here is my hearty, sincere thanks to you all....Vaibhav, Abhay, Sapre, Amit Trivedi, Anik da, Srikanth, Vivek Jain, Amit Sinha, Soman, Srini, Elijah, Anupriya, Misha, Arindam S. Rupa, Diwakar sir, pritam, DJ, Gunjan, Tushar, Papa, Ritesh, Tapan, Ankit Agarwal, Puneet, Rakesh …… aree, sacchi mein thanks bol raha huun mamu

But apart from this, one testi. rather beats them all in creativity and I have somehow gather enuf courage :-) to reproduce it here. This testi. was …..was………indeed words are poor conveyors, heart knows itself.


Came here for : Fun / Acads
But ended up : Doing both and helping lots of people
Endorsement : Some airline known for its hospitality
(WTF…chalo thik hai abhi tak ..maan leta huun)

i remmber this gal during my summers when as a part of services, she was always around to help people... tat was the only time, when i got to interact with this gal.. i think that is gud enought to know, that she has a golden heart..soni ko sona ka dil hai..


Well, now the above testi. though has the potential to raise doubt on my gender or the perceptual ability ( rather the lack of it on the part of the testi. writer). Considering I am ‘cocksure’ of my sexuality and the writer to my knowledge being a saccharined personality, I attribute this accidentally incidental piece of writing to the ultra busy schedules of our SAC members

PS – Well, I believe the worst “official’ GBM one liner during XL stay also came from SAC, infact G sec himself “Its not a committee, it’s a council. Close on the heels was one from the pcomm secy when pcomm’s integrity was questioned ‘The process is sacrosanct’. Will really miss GBMs

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I wrote this post the night when our SIP Process got over. Somehow missed publishing it or maybe intentionally didn't publish it but the draft was saved, so publishing it now. Considering that the post is extremely extremely subtle, presume it won't hurt any sensibilities and if it does…MC .......Some stories rather do not have any endings

I have been quizzed by umpteen fellow idiots on what profession really interests me. After giving this topic due thought over countless nights over uncounted cups of coffee, innumerable pegs of nimbu pani and increasing air pollution in my vicinity by umpteen times, I have finally zeroed in on one of the most oldest profession on earth .... ( ideas please... I said ' one of the oldest & not 'THE OLDEST PROFESSION'). Not continuing further with this puzzle, let me enlighten you with the answer to this general knowledge question about the career choice of UPS. Well, I have decided to be a 'Story writer' (...bole to lekhak..waise bhi aajkal filmi stories likhne ke liye apun jaise kabil writers ki bahut zarurat hai)

So, trusting that you freaks who keep on visiting this blog have ingrained some virtuos qualities by reading my blogs and hence will not indulge in any acts of plagiarism, I present herewith a draft plot of one of my first stories. nahi. this is not one more story of dhishum, dhishum of amitabh bacchan. Nor is this melodramatic tale of manoj kumar. Nor is this a story interspersed ( kya ganda word hai ...even I took off the wrong lane) between item songs with isha copy kar shouting khallas.

This is a story of 'aam aadmi' ( haan bhai haan...i also follow indian politics). This is a story of an aam indian farmer. A marginalized creature burdened with basketsfull of troubles of the world, including a beautiful young unwed sexy sister having an affair with the mucchhad son of the local jamindar and three cute school going kids (munnu, chunnu & tunnu), a highly pativrata kadwa chauth celebrating devout wife, two young chicks ( u're a pervert.....chicks bole to murgi ke bacche. tum bhi naa !!!) and a nice healthy 'goat'. ( ideas please !!!)

So, who shall be the hero of this movie...? Bakar c**d, not Tushar kkapur. its about a farmer ..not some begging monger in a slow local mumbai train. What Govinda ?? shut up f^kiggg $!#&. I m not writing an ad for colgate ( and never after they didn't took me in SIP) or bandar chaap kala daant manjan. hmmmm...hmmm...hmmmmmmm.....gotcha....apun ka Nana patekar. A typical aam aadmi

Now this hero of ours, ( arreee...bhul gaye...'nana'- abhi to decide kiya tha naa), this nana used to live happily in his small village and did some 'mahenati' farming on his do bigha zameen for the whole day wearing a 15th century dhoti tucked 'somewhere' in his waist and a fully air conditioned ranjit smart banian which his great grand father had received as a wedding gift. And in the night ( c' do i know what he wears in the night) he used to enjoy with his wife and ask multiplication table of 2 and 'a for apple, b for buffalo' to munnu and chunnu. ( abhi tunnu chotta hai naa, uske khelne kudne ke din hai...isiliye usko nahi puchta...tum bhi naa). But then one fine day 'nana' while reading a khabarpatrika called 'bharat samay' came to know about some 'highly' fertile land along the banks of river 'kata-hua-kan-rekha' wherein the farmers are being bestowed with showers of rain by the rain gods.
But then the few bunch of idiots had conspired to lagaying Nana ki G**nd. So then our Nana decides that enuf was enuf. He thinks that the world is on the brink of destruction because the harmful effects of global warming are so drastic its has resulted in dirty water everywhere. Few solid rocks here and there aren’t sufficient enough to savour the ‘sip’ of life. The seasonal effects have also changed so much that even the ‘summers’ were absolutely cold. As antipathy displaced warmth, even the rain gods were selective with their showerings. Only the Bhakts who had made ‘special offerings’ were showered with plenty. The wind blew with such verocity that the destructrive futile fires got flamboyuant and the gentle candles got blown out. And in this era of darkness, Nana Patekar has decided to do the ultimate to all his dushmaans and no one shall be spared. By the way, there is something in money which makes the world go round the other way. The drought is here to say for long. The devils adorned in garlands swarmed the chapels of the heaven. And our hero Nana fails to understand whether the supreme diety was a just a meek observer or a part of the conspiracy.

P S - I am currently watching Amitabh Bacchan's " Aakhri Raasta'.
PSS - Old monk said 'BROTHERS, help thy brothers, SIP draupadi'. ( Courtesy - my fellow blogger's status msg. )
PSSS – This winter, there will be blood bath and the walls of ocean will break over. My word, your life.
PSSSS : But will nana looks good with his current french cut dadhi ? Though French cuts and indian $!#T$ is a great combination. ! I hate french cuts !!!
PSSSSS : abhi kahaani khatam nahi hui, mamu.....abhi to yeh suru hui hai

Placement, Paisa and recession

As many of batchmates at XLRI never get tired to mentioning of this being the worst year to pass from a B school, there isn’t a dearth of intellectuals who point to the all the benefits such as great learning due to entering the corporate arena in a year of economic recession. And I say “What crap !. Naukri lag nahi rahi, aur is chu*** ko learning ki padi hai.

Btw, as I try to grapple with the overdoze of information to understand what separates a slowdown from a recession or a depression a thousand random musings rush. Is it the dip in productivity or the loss of monetary value of goods and services i.e. ‘dis-inflationary’ pressures or market cap. of the listed companies, is it the GDP growth rate or the absolute GDP, is it loss of employment or the rise in the unemployment rate ( mind it…they are different ;-), is the sustainability of the poor economic performance or it is a static point function, is the future forecast to be considered or just the past and current economic data to figure out the nuances between recession and depression. Well, two years of digging management journals has made me resourceful enough to debate both ways for all the points mentioned above, I really feel the barometer to judge the economic condition is to a greater extent, the Market Sentiment ( not only the financial market). Though some may argue that the market sentiment is not a causal factor but a resultant one may kindly apply their logic on the any other parameter ( a typical chicken –egg problem). Though most of the economic indicators of India are much better than they were for that matter better than most periods in modern India’s history, which just goes on to indicate that the current fad of economic dizziness is just a slowdown, but the market sentiment seems to indicate this as a recession. Rather in current times, it would do more good than bad not to read the pink dailies

Btw, I have got placed fortunately (fortunately for me obviously, not for my employer). And though my employer is intelligent enuf to offer me about 20 % less than what it offered for the same profile last year, I still hope to draw a decent paycheque good enough for me to feed myself 3 times a day and create pollution 30 times a day. nahi to yeh economic recession mein apun ko depression ho jaata…

I am personally least interested in leaving India, but then the eco. slowdown makes you do strange things and strange things I did. However, better sense and better luck prevailed, thanks to umpteen wishes of my friends. And as my friend – cum- dushman – cum – bike lender – cum philosophical guru SS exclaims the typical bollywoodia cliché ‘there is a price to everything’ and asks me my kimmat of leaving India, I take a dip through all the micro economic concepts which I was suppose to learn, but thankfully due to the great attention I had paid during the micro eco. course, I fail to arrive at a defendable figure of marginal utility or whatsoever it be. So my philosopher friend turns into a prophet as we ride on highway towards and predicts my career progression over the next 20 years. Unfortunately he fails to foresee the bike going out of petrol ( or shall it not be ‘petrol going out of bike’…this Victorian English na) with no gas station nearby.

Yaa…seems I will require some voluntary free ki advice for arriving at that kimmat. btw, woh dialogue to suna hi hoga ‘ Is duniya mein advice ki supply hamesha demand se jyaada rahi hai’…wah wah …kya maara hai

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Strategy again

The essence of strategy is to defy strategy. For it is neither an art nor a science. A strategist works hard to create a position, only to destroy it utterly, he steps down at times only to disillusion, he doesn’t believe in human rationality, rather he exploits human irrationality, he uses shock as armour not as weapon, he smells of immaturity only to gain no attention to his real pursuits, he doesn’t react but sets the machinery so that just a needle push sets everything rolling on itself, he doesn’t get involved in the implementation when he delivers, he believes in just one knock out punch not any before it, but keeps on punching afterwards, his timing is immaculate, he makes you accept the inevitable though it is not so, he generates codes just to create chaos, he doesn’t mobilize masses, he gets them enraged. He doesn’t believe in trade offs, he doesn’t beat imagination, he defies the experience curve, his inconvenience is his convenience. He doesn’t believe in power through position, he creates power through information. Neither does he alienate foes and nor does he make friends, he doesn’t take risks, he creates it for others, he doesn’t define his competition, he lets the competition define it. He cracks on the absolute. He tarnishes just the keystones, he leverages the lynch pins. He lets you loose once you feel trapped; he doesn’t go for the kill at the first opportunity. He lets the competition feel victorious, infact he ensures it gets within his shooting range, he lays down his trap so carefully, so meticulously drawn that it remains unforeseen by all. He doesn’t keep count, he goes on removing your bases one at a time. He lets you feel he has taken the revenge, but for when he shall, you won’t know the cause. He creates confusion, but his intentions are always very clear. . And well, he hasn’t yet heard the bell ring.

If you can’t make any head or tail of the above post, it’s a tribute to the undispute media mogul, Rupert Murdoch. And if you can, the worst is yet to come for you …MC MC

Last week @ XLRI

After a long hiatus, I am back to blogging. And it wasn’t a lack of substance and material to write about, rather it was the abundance of it. With convocation just a week apart, I am soon going to leave XLRI and being absolutely vella have opted to start afresh to pen down my feelings.

Btw, they say “You don’t leave XL, you just check out”. Is it some hotel or what, and if it is, it’s a shady one. Where else can you find a horde of super intelligent idiots smoking god knows what, debates on topics as ‘broad’ ranging as the latest increase in asset base across asset classes on campus and the underlying all possible reasons thereof ( dare you say I don’t have fin. specialization) to the slowdown in the mustard oil industry of Rwanda to the latest soccer encounter, a guys hostel which hosts more girls than the girls hostel post midnight, nights that get unduly wet, prophetic chants of GMD and BC, screening of indecent exposure leading to show of basic instinct …Btw, whoz getting parents along on convo. ?

PS – Isn’t it that since last two years Pakistan is generating more history than it can consume

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

m lovin' it

I’m back in Ahmedabad for a 18 day long vacation… m lovin’ it

I love having 2 breakfasts in the morning and it doesn’t matter that I don’t get up before 10 and am back in bed for a afternoon nap at 2 o clock after my multi-multi course lunch getting up in the evening only to have pre evening snake followed by loitering around with friends till the time of post evening snake.

I love sitting at station with a bunch of friends with almost no worries of how the day is going to be tomorrow and lurking at some beautiful lasses as they try to make their way out hiding their cute noses ( as if nak kat gaya ho …heee.heee) with their soft fingers ensuring they are not subjected to the highly poisonous smoke emancipating from nearby chimneys.

I love spending 6 hours sitting over Kankaria lake, at times alone, just staring at that serene water and looking around as couples embrace each other and murmur sweet nothings in each other ears and then look around to ensure that nobody has heard anything as if they have just shared the hideout of Osama Bin Laden

I love reading the nonsense in all those regional newspapers about how a dog is feeding a kitten and how a thief felt asleep after breaking in someone’s else house and how some local jackass got a chance to sing in an album of some ‘god knows who’ singer.

I love going on a long drive with that someone, at 2 am in the night on the pretext of having a cup of chai at a place 80 km away and returning back without a chai; for ‘the one’ feels it to be unhygienic to have a chai so late in the night.

I really love driving like crazy on my 2 wheeler giving a f*ck to the traffic rules, intentionally getting caught by a traffic hawaldar to give my intro, followed by his salute and a sigh of relief on my not resorting to anything against him.

I love moving around, watching places which takes me down on the memory lane of the moments I really rejoiced around here with all my school time friends and all the so-called ex’s, of all those places where we hid ourselves from the rest of the world and had pledged the last drop of blood in our heart to each other every time.

I love not been on line for the whole day and have an identity for self other than a name on the Gtalk and a profile on Orkut and reply to names and people whom I really wonder exist or not in real self.

But most of all I love the supreme peace of going to sleep without bothering at what time to get up, without bothering to turn on the alarm clock, without bothering to count the no. of lectures the next day, without uttering curses for having a 8 30 lecture, without taking to ‘udaaying all the gam in dhuaan’ aka devanand istyle.

PS – And I know that I have absolutely done mother –sister one of the English grammar but then I am now in the Gujju land. M Lovin’ it..

Na Mo gets cranky

arendra Modi, the MLA from my constituency, more favorably or I believe unfavorably known as the extremist chief minister of Gujarat by pseudo – intellectuals, is rather one of the few political leaders of today’s time for whom I do spare a bit of respect occasionally. However, this dynamic leader seems to have taken a leaf of motivation from the book of the red brigade, and his ideas and diktats seem to be getting far from ‘Gujarati asmita’ to ‘strong no-headed communism’. Seems our dear Naa. Moo is getting cranky nowadays. Consider this

On the auspicious occasion of Dr. Sarvapally’s birthday ( abe oo angrezi ke lote….teacher’s day..kyaa yaar) gave a diktat that all students in all schools in Gujarat be subjected to two hours of special torture of hearing Mr. Modi live as he goes about brandishing all bakwaas. A dear enemy of mine who knew about my compassionate feelings towards Mr. Modi got me a copy of that highly enervated speech. Mr. Modi summoned the students of Gujarat to learn Chinese apart from learning English. Now Mr. Modi, I do not present my views on the idea of importance of learning Chinese, yet even if the students were to learn Chinese, don’t you think it’s the education board who will have to implement that. And I am really glad to know that we have no short supply of Chinese tutors in Gujarat.

In another historic diktat, the Gujarat PSEs ( public sector entity of Gujarat) have been asked to consider contributing their 30 % of PBT to a welfare fund for the welfare of the state. No surprises the stock market reacted sharply by washing off over Rs. 12,000 Cr. in market cap in a couple of days from these companies. Btw, I wonder if welfare has to be done by the welfare fund contributed by this PSE, for what the hell were this companies paying tax. And a little bit of learning of Companies Act makes me consider this as a case of Oppression of Minority and Mismanagement. Any lawyers around ?

And in another typical communist istyle the Gujarat government wants the industry to reduce its electricity usage by 30 % to ensure that it is able to meet the increase in energy requirements from the agricultural sector on account of poor monsoon.

May the heavens bestow some wiseness on NaMo. This country may survive a communal rhetoric, but can’t survive any more communist rhetoric.

PS – As an idiot said, the true measure of the development of any society is whether one is safe after opposing the big brother.

PS- I really wonder at the time management skills of my beloved MPs from BJP, Sidhu and former health minister Shotgun Shatru, who after spending almost 3/4th of a day laughing at absolutely stupid, derogatory, plagiarized, vulgar sense of humor of me-too participants seem to be managing the affairs of this country.

itaali samachar

One of the ministers of Italy is a well known beautiful model, who used to pose nude and has appeared in her full bloom on many fashion magazine covers. And my imagination runs wild thinking of the mandarins from India…viz. amarsingh, lallu Prasad etc. Well, I pray that they do not take any motivation from this Italian minister…Amen !!! Probably fashion has a different connotation in Rome and Ramgadh.

There are reports here that Italy is paying Libya 5 billion dollars and formally apologizing for the colonial rule it had imposed on Libya. Now it would be really interesting if the Indian Government even gathers courage to demand an apology from the British …and yaa the Kohinoor diamond too from the bloody ..I mean the royal blooded queen. Probably, if the British were to repay the damages they have incurred on this world on the virtue of its colonization policy, forget the diamond in the crown, the entire population of Brits (queen included) would be stripped of their chaddis (matbal ….undergarments…tusi bhi naa ) …Now we Indians being so emotional can’t see so many nange – punge log around, so I think the idea can be dropped.

PS - I really wonder why people just turn blind to all the notorious acts of this former rulers…this royal blooded family. The royal prince Charlie kept on tanka bhidaying with that kamlila and that s*ut who people call Princess Diana still garners so much respect, but the plain truth being that she involved in a extra marital affair ( more than one) and got killed while alluding with her non official boyfriend….I wonder how she would be phrased if not belonging to the royal family…..Thankfullyu, nature’s justice it doesn’t give preferential treatment. :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008


It is really nice that most of my dear batsman took the previously mentioned stuff of this post in the spirit it should have been taken. But despite basketsful of public requests (and orders), yours truly has deleted the actual contents of this post. Maybe, I also like to have my own way, no matter the extent of criticism or praise. It would not be prudent on my part to not delete the contents, as there is a little possibility that few of my dear friends may fail to appreciate the intent of the post. My sincere apologies to them.

I am sorry to all my fellow and senior batchmates who feel that deleting this post is an idiotic idea, but an idiot I am. I’ll also take the undue liberty of deleting the beautiful song contributed by the Papalaxi chief, the king of PJ. I have also been deleting few comments wherein names of some dear batting maestros were explicitly mention. I once again reiterate that the selection of batsman was not personal, but reflected the collective view of the interested batch. The timing of publishing and deleting the earlier post was 'strategically' planned to ensure that a major proportion of the upcoming lot of cricketers were busy with their adventures and roaming god foresaken villages.

Your Comments and a link to a blog presenting a different view to my earlier post have been retained for the time being. My ‘personal’ views about the highly enlightened CHIMNAXI (God save them !!!) and ‘Shaky Baby & Lolita Aunty’ in due time. Till then, HAPPY BATTING :)


PS1 : The above post has been written for the pure purpose of light hearted banter. Unfortunately, or fortunately this post will remain online for a very short period. Adequate measures have been taken to ensure that only the senior denizens of XLRI are able to appreciate this post. Kindly appreciate please. The selection of the batsman mentioned above is not at all personal, but reflects the collective views of the batch. Sorry for this ultra long post. Considering the batting talents, couldn’t avoid it.

PS2 : As always, there will be no comment moderation. Your views, counterviews, abuses(voluntary), appreciation(mandatory) are more than welcome.

PS3 : Despite severe public protests, self has decided to withhold publishing about GALAXI queen(s) till I get myself a big life insurance policy. Though, a post on the two foremost bowlers ‘Shaky Baby and Lolita Aunty’ and a post on ‘Chimnaxi’ are under consideration.

PS4 : Captain Sharma shall be officially launching ‘SAXI’ soon….Everyone’s welcome.


The hallowed portals of XLRI in recent times have been witness to epical batting skills of batting maestros who are truly artist of a genre above class. It has been not just raining, but pouring sixes and fours around the clock on the grounds of XLRI. The unassuming bowlers are hit in all directions, from all directions. Such pronounced is the batting prowess of this league of extraordinary batting maestros, who have taken to batting with a vow to themselves that they will not let go any bowler, I repeat, any bowler pass by ‘untempered’.

In order to acknowledge the batting genius of this batsman, we today will confer them with a place in the highly prestigious “Hole of Shame’. In order to separate real quality (bats)man from the boys, suggestions were invited from the spectators and the affected bowlers. A total of 44 respondents named 21 batsman and 2 batswoman whom they fear the most. The 7 most terrific batting maestros who received the highest votes have made it to the most sought after ‘Hole of Shame’. The above research methodology has been validated by our very own in-house expert Chaitanya Swami.

Bowlers, beware of this batting greats ! They are out there to screw you… literally.

But before we start with the real batting maestros, let us have a look at those aspiring batsman who just missed the “Hole of Shame’ by a whisker.

Mr. Fakir Tashan – Undergoing a patch of bad form currently. Often seen escorting coaching junior bowlers at wee hours… But remember, Form is temporary, Class is permanent. Rest assure, he will bounce back.

Mr. Arbit Aachaar – Rather than doing net practice on the grounds, he is found improving his dance moves with the new lot of bowlers. Unfortunately he get out too often at ‘silly point’

Mr. Harbar Sadabahar Chhatawaala – The reason for the drop in ranking of this Punjab-da-puttar is that our dear Harbar has opted to play with his umbrella rather than bat.. Rumours are he has lost his ‘bat’. Can anyone please give him a new bat ?

Mr. 100 (Soo) weak verbal applications ( waah..waah..m so good in PJ) - for rather than playing against quality bowlers, our dear batsman is seen playing with substandard local bowlers. He is so desperate for batting that whether he is in the team or not, he keeps on batting with any available bowlers…arree..bhai koi isko bhi team mein le lo naa….

Mr. Sab aao - This Ranchi rancho has the potential to make it to the top of the batting list, provided he can keep his mouth shut and ass cut.

Mr. Lingraj - With his current unperturbed focus on improving the cricketing ‘infrastructure’, he seems to have retired from his batting. We’ll miss you

Mr. Tiktik Gandu maru - This Charminar challenger is nowadays busy focusing more on fielding rather than batting. Tries to go over the ‘Deep mid wicket’ and gets caught.

Mr. Maximus Topiwala – A poor shot selection which hit him at midpoint has caused a drastic drop in his form. Rumours are he is now going after fellow batsman rather than bowlers… ‘Bowlers hence breathe a sigh of relief’

Mr. mAdi kyakarliya - This master blaster had set the grounds on fire during the recent concluded bhasad series, and had left many a batting great peeing in their pants. Being the humble self that he is, he claims that he is good only for ‘bang bang’ batting in 20-20….But we all know the true calibre of this master strokemaker.

The batting legends who have made it to the “Hole of Shame” are …..

No. 7 - If you believe that Sourav Ganguly, the Bengal Tiger is the only batting legend that Kolkata has produced, meet the Bengal hippopotamus. This joyous bespectacled batting maestro has recently made a career shift from TT and badminton to batting. We presume he prefers hitting balls rather than hitting cocks. (I mean shuttle cocks, you pervert). He has been able to step right in to the boots of our very own real dada, lovingly called the ‘water cooler guy’. Our dear Bengal hippopotamus believes in practicing hard without any interference and hence is seen practicing in solace with different bowlers at GMP lawns regularly in the evening. Now please, don’t disturb him. Concentrate to karne do zaara…His endorsements include Hippo Chaddis…

No. 6 - Meet this Sher-e-Punjab …Mr. Laddu..Apart from batting, at times he also focuses on ‘Woman Resources and Personal Relations’. We ourselves are dumbfounded how he manages his both interests so well. Though he manages an almost perfect 10 on his batting prowess, he has also been able to consistently score more than 7 on 8 in almost all aspects of Women Resources and Personal Relations. But all said and done, our Mr. Laddu is a very soft butted person. He is always more than ready to offer his butt and share all his gyaan with the new bowlers who have recently step foot on the grounds of XLRI. However, our Mr. Laddu is technically weak and is sooner or later going to get hit wicket.

No. 5 - Meet Mr. Chandu Choti…Don’t get mislead by his looks which give a false impression of he being the traveler on the road less traveled. Mr. Chandu Choti is one of the rarest specimen who plays multiple matches at the same time and that too effectively. Mr. CC is a firm believer that batting is all about colors…And it doesn’t matter that the color happens to be pink. After devastating many a senior bowlers, Mr. CC is nowadays seen successfully tempering more than a few upcoming bowlers. He always remains on the prowl for any opportunities to hit the upcoming bowlers ‘out to the park’ without any respite. Mr. CC can effectively handle the ‘load’ of managing at times two, at times three and at times even more than that matches. I wonder how he manages this. Too much of batting so early in the career may lead to premature *&#@%.....( kya word hai who)….haan…premature retirement (aap kya soch rahe the !!) His endorsements include ‘Fair & Random’

No. 4 - Meet Mr. Sabka liya. And what a star batsman is he…koi aisa –waisa star nahi…..the best of all…the ‘Pole star’ which keeps shining like a precious stone. He has the eyes of a true batsman and though his leg glances are not that delightful to watch, his eye glances are better than the best. Our Mr. Sabka Liya picks up the gems among the bowlers…may it be diamond, pearl, ruby or ‘Sapphire’….and hits them with utter disdain. He bats exceptionally well in the darkness also, without the need of any floodlights. Infact the darker, the better.. Rumors are that he has taken his favorite four bowlers in his team in spite of high controversies. His endorsements include ‘Pole – All meat, no Hole’

No. 3 - Meet Mr. Hero Desperado, the true Nayak of batting. Our Mr. Hero has recently displayed a supreme surge in form and has been hitting sixes all over the place. He attributes this newly found form to a ‘secret’. Reliable sources quote that ‘If Boost is the secret of Sachin’s energy, Horlicks is the secret of our Mr. Hero Desperado’s energy.’ He displays abnormal animal tendencies in his ‘strokeplay’, which spectators attribute to his special interest in all the animals one can find in the zoo. I am sure that he is a perfect bet for a ‘long race ka horse’. He favorite shot is driving through the ‘gully’. Though, many Experts opine that he gets caught too often at the ‘silly’ point.

No. 2 - Meet Mr. Kaala Anna. “Naam hai iska kaala anna, patla hai jaise ho ganna.” He is after all the real ‘Dark Knight’. This tall, dark and non handsome Chennai super king is a ‘saccharined’ personality and has tried his hands at a multitude of games before finally taking to batting. His bibaca smile, thanks to his super white teeth which perfectly contrast with the ‘not so white’ background bedazzles many a bowlers. But his shot selection has been less than satisfactory and he always picks up the wrong bowlers. No wonder our dear ‘anna’ gets caught by the bowlers too often. Hope he soon finds the bowlers with whom he can have a strategic fit. He is the brand ambassador of ‘Bandar Chaap Kaala Dant Manjan’
Watch out for his photo at the end of the post…
….ch*tya banayaa…bada maazaa aaya…. ‘abe oye..iski fotu kahaan se aayegi, iski to negative hi niklegi naa’

No. 1 - And the top honors for batting excellence goes to none else than the grand ol’pa of batting. Mr. Bada Rod liya. Our dear grand ol’pa was born not with a silver spoon in his mouth, but with a wooden bat in his ass. His contributions to the world of batting are unparalleled. For his distinctive contributions to the domain of batting, he is unanimously conferred with the ‘Lifetime Achievement Award for Batting Xlence”. He is to batting what Devanand sahab is to films. Notwithstanding the amount of criticism, they always have their own way. His footwork is amazing, his handwork is even more brilliant. He plans his every move maliciously..oops …i mean meticulously. In this era of macho hitters, he has kept the bastion of classic cricket alive by his deft touches which will be unchallenged till times immemorial. His timing is so impeccable that even the best of the best bowlers fail to realize the true impact of these godly touches. His ‘placement’ has forever been right on spot. He has the guts and nuts to hold the mantle all alone by his charismatic batting. So unbelievable is his array of strokes, that he doesn’t let a ball pass by untouched…no matter how wide is it. Though many of you poor souls are crying foul and are of the view that he should now retire and concentrate on the veterans’ cricket, I disagree. What else could be a more fitting tribute by me to this grand ol’pa of batting than ‘God doesn’t retire, then why should Grand ol’pa? The fan club of the Grand ol’pa (PAPAXI) on this occasion has decided to showcase their respect by means of a small song ( see Exhibit 1)

On being asked about giving any batting tips to the budding batsman, he smirks and replies with his typical tilt of head ‘ Batting karma kaam nahi hai baccho kaa…Tel nikal jaata hai acche accho ka.”

So dear all wannabe batsman….I know it’s a bit disappointing….But don’t lose hope, as we have with us the real batting maestro, Mr. Smokin’ Jones, the undisputed chief of the Chimney’s association to XLRI to share his insights on technically correct batting.

Smoking Jones speak …
“Batting is not a science. Nor is it an art. In its purest and most sincerest form, it’s a feeling that the heart lifts above and the heaven rejects not. True Batting is not just about hitting the ball. Batting emancipates from the soul, encapsulates the mind and exhibits through the being. Batting is not about hitting every bowler, rather it is about facing that one special bowler with whom you lock your spirits forever. Its not about the no. of balls you hit, its about the impact of just that one hit. Batting is not about scoring runs to win always, rather it is about holding on when there is nothing in you except the will that says ‘Hold on’ (Kipling). Batting is not about creating strokes with your bat, rather it is about letting loose the stirrings of your heart. For only those who shall play with their hearts shall enter the heavenly ‘Hall of Fame’. Amen !!!”

Exhibit 1 :
oyee...woh papalaxi song..bhul gaye kya ...
Song for the Grand ol’pa

[four four six four, four four six four, four four six four, Let's bat] 2

Hai bachelor (hai bachelor), Has lost some hair (lost some hair)…
Hai bachelor, Has lost some hair…
Spectacular! He’s a great batter (He’s a great batter, He’s a great batter)…

daddy ka bat tez hai, daddy ko balls ka craze hai…
daddy ka chashma thick black, daddy dikhta thoda aged hai (aged hai)…
XL ki Billiyan saath mein, Gale mein bahon ki maala…

[Par daddy can bat saala] 2
Han daddy bat kar sakta!

Paida daddy hua to kismaatein chamki…
Aur doosre batters ki strike rates thamki…

(hey array array) daddy karta hay hook pull cut…
(hey array array) dusre batters ko bolta hay dur hat…
(hey array array) daddy ke nazron me long leg hai…
(hey array array) daddy ke haath me whiskey ke peg hai…

[But daddy can bat saala] 2

Haan daddy bat kar sakta!
Papa kehte the bada kaam karega…
Nahi pataa tha daddy bus batting karega…

(hey array array) daddy kar raha hai MBA…
(hey array array) Manata hai summers jaise ho holiday…
(hey array array) daddy nazrein ladata hai…
(hey array array) Jahaan bhi jata hai, batting karna chahta hai…

[Cos daddy can bat saala] 2

Haan daddy bat kar sakta…
Yeah…daddy can bat saala…!!!

Courtesy : Papaxi (Bodhi tree has expressed its interest in using this song as the title song for their upcoming album)

PS1 : The above post has been written for the pure purpose of light hearted banter. Unfortunately, or fortunately this post will remain online for a very short period. Adequate measures have been taken to ensure that only the senior denizens of XLRI are able to appreciate this post. Kindly appreciate please. The selection of the batsman mentioned above is not at all personal, but reflects the collective views of the batch. Sorry for this ultra long post. Considering the batting talents, couldn’t avoid it.

PS2 : As always, there will be no comment moderation. Your views, counterviews, abuses(voluntary), appreciation(mandatory) are more than welcome.

PS3 : Despite severe public protests, self has decided to withhold publishing about GALAXI queen(s) till I get myself a big life insurance policy. Though, a post on the two foremost bowlers ‘Shaky Baby and Lolita Aunty’ and a post on ‘Chimnaxi’ are under consideration.

PS4 : Captain Sharma shall be officially launching ‘SAXI’ soon….Everyone’s welcome.

Friday, July 18, 2008

mallya ki to *&^(

Penned on 7th Apr., 08, @ 10,000 ft. above the ground
Yup…the travel bug has once again bitten me. I landed in Delhi today morning from Jamshedpur and am currently leaving for aamchi Mumbai by Air Deccan flight. Hmm…not too much travel considering my episodical travel indulgence pre MBA. But yaaa…after 9 months of nearly static existence, the traveler in me is once again gearing up for some exciting, traveling times ahead. Well, my project also being linked to improvement in shares of travel category doesn’t seem much of an coincidence by the way. The only difference being I have never been on a personal tour since the fall of the Roman Empire and my official business tours stretch across lands more vast than that of Chengiz Khan.

Yaa.. I will be traveling to Mumbai without any knowledge of where am I going to put up once I land there. My only contact in Mumbai is ‘out of range’ now. I really like uncertainty, rather I love it and being plunged into uncertainty currently in all aspects of my life gives me a new high. As uncertainty looms large on the academic front to personal front to career front to my own perceptions of the world outside and in this realm of uncertainty I need to make some of the more significant, if not the most significant decisions soon is going to test my capabilities of coping with ‘ambiguity absolute’ to the extreme.

By the way, am a bit depressed now…The f***in airlines wala took an extra 840 bugs from me because of the excessive weight (not mine re) of my luggage. I am hardly left with a few coins in my pocket and the bank accounts are soon going to be run out of credit. No liquidity crunch man, its credit crunch. I am sure I would not be in any position to repay my lenders ( read friends, friends of friends, relatives of friends of friends and so on). Poor them, they didn’t took a credit default swap while extending me an unsecured long term loan. I seriously feel for this poor fellows. Magar koi baat nahi….agali baar se kisi aise waise ko loan nahi denge ;)

By the way, there is a smart, sexy girl sitting right opposite to me and giving me glances. No, I just checked out in the mirror and there are no shoestrings hanging around my ears and no grease marks on my nose. I have also tightened my shirt buttons in the proper order. Yaa…that makes me consider the possibility of she asking me for a coffee….. Well, since I haven’t had anything since morning ( early morning) and am absolute broke, I would not mind having a pizza accompanied with that coffee. But hey…just hold on…!!! Looking at her ‘economy dress’ really makes me think whether she is high on some bollywood fashion or simple broke like me.. She again glances at me as she brushes her golden ( not golden …some damn new colour) hair aside. I run a check in my wallet. Haaa…haaaa….I really don’t have anything to loose.

Oh gosh…!!! WTF… the last call for boarding has been made. One of the first times when this airline hasn’t delayed its flight….For the first time, I am cursing this airlines for not delaying the flight…..apna pizza aur coffee to gaya naa….

As I stood up I feel the tragic emotions in her eyes, I really wish to go and give her my address and bank account no. so that she could transfer the amount for coffee and pizza to my account. But what a f**kin memory I have…I can’t even recollect my bank account no. Well, I think I should collect cash instead….yaa…that’s a great idea..I will rather ask her for giving me the cash. I start walking towards her, but a heavy voice disrupts my plans. K…..that idiot from school suddenly ‘tapaks’ down from nowhere. A second of conversation makes me realize that he is on the same flight….K forces me to run with him towards the boarding gate leaving my golden hair waali anarkaaali singing ‘ yooon naa jaao rooth ke, yeh dil abhi bharaa naahi’……

If flight delays would be more consistent, apna bhi koi setting ho jaata..sob ..sob …sob….
lagta hai vijay maal aaya ne Air Deccan' ko badal diya..... sob...sob...sob...

PS : Under production - Batting maestros @ XL. Thanks a ton for your loads of suggestions. PSS : The highly virtous Galaxy secy. will be announced soon. Keep checking this space....aur kabhi kabhi is blog ki 'advertisement' par bhi click kiya this blog

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Back @ XLRI

After spending two hectic months in Mumbai, I have finally arrived at XL.
Feels so great to be back on campus..Life is good.. m lovin' it.

PS - Is it just a coincidence that every time I step out of Howrah Express on Jamshedpur station, that the floodgates of heaven open and the rain pours

A big mistake by Chetan Bhagat

After a hiatus of over 2 months, I am back ....Think I underwent a writer's block lately.
The reviews which self had got for Chetan Bhagat’s latest try at fiction were less than satisfactory. Yet, availability of the book with my roommate and me being f*king free made me take the risk of venturing through this pathetic piece which is nothing but a forceful attempt at amalgamating three of the most controversial and hot topics of contemporary India. Business, Cricket and Religion and its an absolute no brainer to be able to reckon that Religion is linked to Politics. Yaa, he also tried to bring in an unwarranted romantic angle, an unparalleled description of ‘sex scene’, barring which I would have finished the book in an hour and not two ;)

Believe its time that B-schoolers limit their extravaganza with literature to their soporific B school tales and not venture out to unknown realms of engaging fiction.

CB like his previous two novels succeeds in painting his characters alive without pursuing a descriptive mode. Yet the novel fails to grip the readers’ attention and lacks the creation of an engagement. The three central characters ( 3 friends) start a common business with a different personal motive. CB fails to capture the entrepreneur spirit of Gujarat by a mile, or rather may I say by a thousand miles. The characters in the novel decide to start their business due to lack of any other options, an absolutely false representation of the Gujju mindset. The fairy tale ‘bollywoodish’ touch on the cricket angle, combined with a weak presentation of the riots and quake makes the book a too shallow read even for fiction amateurs like me. The novel to me at a personal level was even a bigger put down as I am a Gujju and have faced the brunt of the earthquake and the Godhra riots in a much severe way in comparison the characters in the story.

A peep into some my experiences with those two devastating incidents of my life soon.

Thursday, April 3, 2008


RK buzzed me today after about 3 years and his first line was ' Hey many enemies you've made in XLRI ?'
Me - 'Lots', but still very less than I what I had planned for.
RK - ' Oh...thats bad ....really bad.
Me - I know
RK - From where the hell will you draw your energy if you are not having enough enemies.
Me - RK, I think I have changed, or atleast have lost the vigour
RK - You too Brutus...Taking the path of diplomacy...
Me - Maybe, I have lost that gut to fight out.
RK - What the hell makes you think so....
Me - Too many conformists Brutuses around..
RK - Did it ever matter to you...then why now
Me - hmm...i m in a dilemma
RK - What abt. the 'bloody seven'.
Me - hmm....
RK - hmmm....
Me - ( Changing the topic)..will be leaving soon for my summers to Delhi and then to Mumbai..
RK - Going to Gujarat
Me - Not till September
RK - Busy ?
Me - Damn damn busy.
RK - Planning to take that big shot
Me - Not sure...Too risky for me now
RK - What abt. Bloody seven
Me - hmmm.
RK - Do you wanna say something
Me - m sorry
RK - just wish you could turn back to our fight ..its 3 years now. If you wanna fight some day, or your goals have changed.
Me - The rebel is alive, but asleep
RK - Its 3 years now.
Me - hmm
RK - hmm.. ( after a long pause)
Me - Where are you
RK - in jamshedpur
Me - What....u in the same city ?
RK - Came to meet u.
Me - (after a long pause) hmmm...
RK - May be, some other time we will meet
Me - I wish so ..
RK - Really ???
Me - hmmm
.......and the conversation ended..
Indeed, words are poor conveyors, the heart knows itself

Friday, March 21, 2008


Some people can't open their mouth without reducing something from the sum of human knowledge. ( no prizes or prices for guessing that 'some people'..such a sitter of a puzzle). Its quite similar to Rakhi sawant not being able to act without showing some skin. Then who the hell looks in for acting.... and then who the hell looks in for knowledge. But a wise idiot sitting next to me says, ' Miss Rakhi Sawant is a vamp and by showing her skin will remain an vamp.' hmmmm.....well, the conclusion by the rationale of analogy isn't quite unexpected. Why r u giving that smirk ? Did I wrote something unparliamentary ?
PS : Recent Research suggested that 'cats' can get cancer if exposed to mobile phones. I am still thinking as to why would anybody call them up ?

aise hi BAK BAK

The sounds of "We will....We will ...Rock You' jeers from the late night party going on. As I have given up almost all the wordly pleasures including the temptation for tasting the heavenly fluids, I sit here in my room with my favorite lizard 'dhanno' as she goes around fulfilling her daily dietary requirement.

The overgrown beard, not just the result of the highly hectic schedule but the utter lack of self consciousness has in the recent days been the primary reason behind people applauding :) me with a variety of titles, the latest being of a suicide bomber. How interesting...But am yet to find a cause to die for. Hope I am able to discover the reason to live for very soon. And yaa...I just now murdered a mosquito which was trying to nest itself in my beard. Dare u mosquitoes try that again.... !!!

I have recently deleted my orkut account and got suddenly perplexed when I watched the no. of friends online on my Gtalk list appearing in just two digits. Need I mention that I had 645 friends in my orkut account. So, after being questioned by tons of sympathising mates about the reason for deleting the orkut account and the utter absence of same with me, made me really think for a moment ' why the hell did I really deleted my orkut account. May be I was tired of replying " I am fantastic' to all those once in a blue moon visitors with a question ' hey dude...wass up" or may be I just wanted to declutter. But I may start my orkut account again after some time, and this time it will be with a very specific purpose.

I recently also closed down my rediff account as I got sick of the umpteen mails ( 255 in the last one month) from consultants offering me a plethora of prospective jobs.

And yaa, after umpteen requests and even threats, I have decided that I'll finally equip myself with a cell after a month or so. Till then, mailte rahena....

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

kuch naa kaho...!!! kuch bhi naa kaho !!!!!

Me sitting on the the stairs in the college lawn having a cup of tea. A mob suddenly takes control of the lawn and the dunking party begins. Like Gabbarsingh, I asked a fellow comrade ' kab hai holi'.....22nd march ..came the reply ....i saw, i smirked, I sobed.

BHOOOOM.....I got shocked hearing this horrific sound and rushed out assuming emergency. No, it was just that somebody had turned on a 4 ft. speaker just outside my window. Thought to remind them that there was some human habitation in the vicinity of the speakers, but didn't expect brotherhood from them.

The drinking orgy has been given legal dominion. As loud music jeers, some tap on the dance floor, some 'somewhere else'....The long holy and watery nights seem to transcend boundaries....boundaries which need to be sacrosanct.. boundaries that need to be maintained....boundaries that need to be respected...But the boundaries is getting a bit too hazy here...seems it is mutual

someone asked me whether i care to perform on the seniors nite....somehow controlled my literarcy richness from flowing out.

Few days back the dramatics society had a play based on Godhra riots.....clenched my fists when a mob of shamelessly inhumane idiots said ' Wow...What a nice play...really enjoyed it...? Why didn't you come ?'

I really wonder at times, whether I am pursuing a PG course

Well, Few things never change. Few things we never intend to change. We call it "XL Culture'....

PS - hope i safe from chickenpox....

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Dreams are nobody's monopoly

About 6 years back while doing TP on the last bench in a Production Lab, RT asked me ' If you are assured that you wouldn't fail, what would you do '...I didn't have any answer than..Just told RT that I'll buy lottery tickets. RT, raising his eyebrows said the most valued lines ' Just do it' whatever you wanna do and don't give a damn whether you'll fail or not.... Not to mention, I got so impressed by his gyaan that I walked out of the lab. and yaa I didn't fail in Production... Btw there were rumours, that JJ who was also overhearing this got inspired by RT's gyaan and proposed some 'maal' from the junior batch that day, though I am unsure of his success :)
Infact, most of the things we pursue just don't matter. And at times, we don't have the guts to pursue what matters most to us. The feeling of failure overwhelms many a brave hearts. That courage to dream, and dream big, and pursue it wholeheartedly seems to be a rare commodity.
Do you dare to dream ?
May be, I now have found a dream to pursue, an answer to RT's question...and I hope even JJ has..
PS - think i'll be able to complete that poem now.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


My encounter with Operations Research was a disaster. Getting more than 10 % in this test would be nothing short of miracle for me. Considering that Operations Research was my elective during my engineering days ( yaa...those good old old days in 2002) it was even more disturbing, but not that shocking, as I am now a bit habituated to such shocks.

Its election time at XL. But the vigour, the passion is missing from the process and some of the candidates. It just seems so banal, so hackneyed relative to the engineering college elections. No lobbying, no hardliners, no kidnappings, no threats, no posters, no campaign, no clear strong stands taken ..., just basketsful of unwarranted bullshit diplomacy. Its just ' We will look into the matter' :)...'If required, we will do it'..' XL is one of the best B-schools'...holy damn, what a new finding. 'XLRI brand should be promoted'...gosh...that seems to be conclusion of some thorough research.....'Infrastructure will be improved'....yup, thats the problem with India too... As a friend aptly said ' yeh sabko pata hai, bandar paisa lene se pahele kitna nachta hai, aur paisa lene ke baad kitna nachta hai'
But I am not cribbing. Its 'XL tradition'. It feels so good passing on some useless practices and customs in the name of 'tradition'...
I watched 'Mithunda's Gunda' few days't watch the complete movie...And if you think that you have watched a 'sada hua movie', you are utterly wrong, if you haven't watched this movie....laagi sart ?
PS - and why the hell am i getting this umpteen friend requests from random ppl. on orkut nowadays....yeh kuch friendship month chal raha hai kyaa...

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Shapeless musings V

A string of unsignificant events unfold now and then, but somehow I ain't able to resist the temptation of indulging in it. There aren't really many things which indeed matter to me. I ain't able to really cherish those sudden spurts of joy which emerged suddenly from nowhere. Every fleeting moment makes me evaluate myself on an uncompromising matrix. I know, I lag behind. Yet those events, no matter how insignificant they may be, unravel the core enthusiast in me. I try to look deep in my reflection in that almost stained mirror. Even in that darkness, I could feel the undercurrents shaping up in the form of unmet desires, but I continue to rejoice those moments of unfluttering attitude. That sense of urgency which had been UPS's hallmark has deserted me. That knack of turning things around every time when the going gets tough, rather tougher has been on the backfoot ever since I landed here. That will to fight, and fight hard, the ever burning fire to compete all out has seems to have gather some rust. I know that this is not at all the place to fight or compete. Even I mock the calibre of the opposition. What left unsaid, better be unsaid. But then maybe I need to prove myself, not to anyone else, but at least to me.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Strategy - my take on Porter II

Porter 5 forces model for analysis of 'industry', as I mentioned in the previous post has been widely acclaimed and acknowledged, though there are some gaps which make the model less than good for all purposes of application.

Firstly, Porter fails to mention what constitutes an industry. This definition of industry can however can be adopted quite well from the concept of 'strategic groups'.

Secondly, as Porter mentions about the threat of substitutes, he fails to objectively provide any framework for assessing the 'extent of substitution' to be considered. Also, though Porter gets into depth of determining importance to be assigned to substitutes based on price-performance levels, he fails to capture the dynamicity of 'substitute products' i.e. a distant substitute of today can be a more direct threat in the future and vica versa.

Thirdly, entire Porter's model fails to consider the 5 forces from a constantly changing level. A 'scenario planning' tool used by Royal Dutch Shell is the only currently widely accepted tool for aid in developing strategies based on future possible scenarios.

Fourthly, Porter's model tends to serve only at the 'firm' level ( to be more precise..for individual product / specific product business unit) but is not replicable at the Corporate level. This limits its use for most of the companies in today's world as they are in more than products.

Last but not the least, though Porter's 5 forces model takes encapsulates 'substitutes', on prima facie atleast, there is no mention of 'alternatives' which pose a significant big threat compared to substitutes. An 'alternate' as I define, is an outright change/ vanishing of a particular need of the consumer, either voluntary or not. A complete ban by the government on the tobacco products / liquor products would be a case on involuntary alternative of 'no tobacco/ liquor'. Also, the evolution of alternates creates markets for new and innovative products.
PS - I know its kind of boring to have 3 posts on the subject of more strategy now...porter ki kasaam

Strategy - my take on Porter

Porter with his 5 forces model made a lasting impact on the approach towards strategy formulation. His earlier writing regarding IO approach, competitive strategy and competitive advantage have also been well accepted across the academia and industry for quite many years now.
However, there is a significant extent of eclectism among the various theories propounded by Michael Porter, though the same can be said to be consistent with balanced pluralism in terms of drawing from basic economics.
Porter chooses to conceptualize the 'firm' in different ways depending on the actual purpose of its utilization. He conceptualizes 'firm' in the context of 'Production function' when trying to grapple with industry level phenomenon. He uses it as a 'Value chain' when trying to grapple with firm specific sources of competitive advantage and as a repository of knowledge and 'innovating entity while constructing his diamond framework.
Unfortunately, though the integration remains on the levels of loose framework and an absence of any attempt whether his above stated different theories are compatible at deeper levels.
Porter also fails to provide any agruments that the basic IO is consistent with industry evaluation nor does he draw on any basic research.
The underlying resource endowments that allows firms to carry out their strategic plans are not seriously analyzed, and an analysis of how and why the specific resource endowment should be there is missing from Porter writings.
Though there aren't as well accepted models in the field of strategy as that of Porter's, focussing only on what I may take the liberty to call ' a figment of Porter's imagination' underlines the need for a more balanced and integrated approach to the subject and practice of strategy.
someone listening....????
PS - Strategy is not an art. Neither is it a pure science. They say its an assortmenet of different streams, but I differ. It is still a concept, a figment of one's imagination. And accepting someone's imagination ( read Porter's) indicates lack of imagination on the part of strategist.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rest ALL is strategy

There aren't many things in this world which have the potential to piss me off. But our class sessions in the strategy course are an exception. I enter the class with a clear perspective and many specific questions. I come out with a more confused outlook and unanswered questions. I wonder how can one be so flawed in data, eccentric in reasoning, untouched by reality, erroneous in approach yet conventional in ideas. I wonder how can one be so superficial in understanding the basics of some well debated articles, yet take the articles on its face value and not objectively evaluate it. I wonder how one can speak with so damn confidence though his statements are based on nothing but intuitiveness rather than following a particular approach, and the utter convictions shown during defending one's intuition have been rather exemplary, though unwarranted.
Management strategies haven't been drawn from models. The models have been based on successful strategies. However, till date academia has used lag indicators to assess the successful strategy. i.e. Once a strategy has resulted into success ( read success in financial performance), then its is ATTRIBUTED to a no. of factors such as company's strategy, leadership, work culture and other crap. But our artful learned writers intentionally and at times unintentionally, tend to write as if this factors have contributed to success ( in terms of financial performance). This HALO EFFECT ( dekha....i know OB, though I missed the top grade by a fraction of a mark) of judging whether a strategy and other factors were good or bad from the financial performance has created much disservice to the field of management. Cisco for example had heaps of praises about its work culture and strategy in the late nineties when its financial performance was good.. great leadership, great work culture, truly innovative, fantastic marketing strategy.. Come 2001..the financial performance dips ...The people who earlier defined its leadership as charismatic termed it arrogant, the work culture which was praised as innovation driven suddenly became 'uncontrolled chaos'..and so on, though nothing had really changed in Cisco's way of functioning. Analysts and theorists' ability to fit examples to their own intutive theories, which have been the result of their figment of imagination and skewed research, deserves a salute. Tata Motors was criticised in 2000 when it registered huge losses , but suddenly became the epitome of best practices for many business writers in 2004 when its financials improve. The so called learned writers are supposed to define what contributes to a successful strategy, but they in hindsight or at times intentionally rather evaluate the factors as 'good / bad' or 'successful/not successful' by attributing financial success to them.
Also, many a times people try to classify their strategy or rather force fit their strategy into a particular model to articulate it better. 40 years back some great genius said ' The only two ways an organization gains competitive advantage is either cost leadership or differentiation leadership. Over the next f*king 40 years, people came out a myriad of other ways of establishing sustainable competitive advantage, say penetrating distribution channels, focussing on a narrow group, innovative marketing, counter culture trends, quality focussed...but some idiots try to force fit all this strategies under the same headings of 'cost leadership' and 'differentiation leadership'....Seems as if the wave of making 'complex' things 'simple' has been overstretched too far.
And we bunch of idiots derive our understanding from such super idiotic stuff.....
Let clear thinking prevail. Amen !!
PS : That you are right and those Porter & party are wrong is not too strong an assumption to make, provided you first fully understand what Porter & party really meant ....
PSS : The only thing that matters is 'money today' and 'more money' tomorrow. 'Rest ALL' is strategy - the only thing I wrote in my diary in the last strategy class.
PSSS : oops...cudn't bring out all my frustation in French....( m yet to learn any French abuses..faculty ne sikhaya hi nahi inspite of innumerable requests)...but the next post for sure gonna be in French.....sacchi...

About Me

Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Just another management graduate