Segmentation

I always knew the most difficult and the most important step in marketing once you are clear of your business objective is to determine criteria for segmenting the target customer base.  From a classical economics point of view, the utility functions should decide the dimensions; but most marketers have been too dumb or their study of marketing had started with Kotler and ended at Kotler.  Psyhographic or behavorial segmentation based on parameters derived from difference in utility functions tends to be the ideal way of segmenting customers.  Most marketers however on account of lack of data and conceptual clarity revert to mundane and more tangible parameters like demographic segmentation.  Even that is perfectly fine, if their intent to use demographic or other variables is to create a surrogate of behavioral or psychographic segmentation model and try to get as close as possible to the ideal situation.

Another major fallacy that Kotler hasn't clearly addressed in his writings is whether your require a single segmentation model or multiple.  Well, you require a segmentation to be done initially for determining which segment you are going to target, may be another segmentation for defining which subsegment of your overall segment of customers would you target a particular promotion campain ( and the promotion campaing may be targetted at achieving sales or just simple improving brand health).  Infact the truth is that for each and every activity that the marketer intends to do ( whether come up with a new SKU, a new discount scheme, a new advert., a new promotion campaign), he again requires to go through the rituals of segmentation all over again.  Creating micro segments is something on which Kotler and party sold out.  But the busy guys that the marketers are trust their guts most of the times rather than getting into the technicalities of trying out further segmentation.  Also lack of a quality MR agency and their exorbitant rates makes it difficult to repeat such exercises time and again.

And today, I am in a peculiar scenario where I lose one fifth of my customers every month, gain back one third of the customers whom I lost this month over the next 3 months, and gain 20 % new customers every month.   I end up in a scenario wherein how a long a customer has been with me doesn't bear any probability of how long is he going to be.  I have absolutely no demographic data for any of my customers.  And it doesn't help my customer base is in millions.

So what ????  Put on your thinking cap.  Get back to basics.    Lets segment and segment further and segment further...buss...itna hi...jyada segment karne ki bhi zarurat nahi hai

Feel like getting married

You feel you should get married when


- A friend from school puts up snaps of his kids 4th birthday on Orkut

- Even all your Bong friends younger than you are getting married

- When you start receiving wedding invitations from your batchmates younger siblings.

- When no one taunts you about your closet smelling like an unattended public toilet at the railway station

- When you see kids whom you have hold in your hands when they were born having girlfriends / boyfriends

- Your bank account balance is about to touch a 7 figure mark.

- When you struggle every time to buy gifts for your female friends getting married

- When your staple diet consists of Pizza’s from Domino’s

- When you are awake at 3 in the night reading business reports.

- When your colleagues leave work early on most days citing family reasons.

- You require a dependant to be able to claim your entire LTA amount.

- When you fall really sick, the only people who know it are your online friends on Gtalk thru your status message.

- When it’s a long time since your last break up
- When you have two closets in your apartment and one is absolutely empty

You feel like not getting married

- When one more of your friend gets a divorce after marrying his long time love

- When you find a friend of yours now married couldn’t get time from family functions

- When you can’t just put up with your family and are scared at the thought of having to put up with someone else’s family.

- You love to make more money in a month than you can spend in a year

- When you still enjoy getting off from any side of the bed

- When you enjoy Domino’s Pizza more than roti-sabzi

- When you have just one closet

- When you just had your break up
- When you can cook Maggi and eat it too

- Your salary doesn’t have an LTA component

To suniyaa and jaggi and bavda

suniyaa....yaa....thats the way I call him.   One of my best friends Sunil leaves India tonight for Australia.  and he is standing for in the line for the check in now.  And how lucky is this bastard.  He will be staying with two of my another best friends, both named Jatin in Australia.  And I m gonna be really really really really really jealous of you three. I hate you for this, if you are reading this; but I know you won't be.  For you three morons will never get time to stop watching some porn over the internet and read all the bull shit which I write on this blog.

am effusively sentimental of all those long nights we spend at Kankaria lake, all those bhagadod we did for getting sponserships, all those love affairs you guys had, and all those nights just before the exam where we studied so hard :), those last minute "course tick marking " sessions

And I will kill all three of you, incase you cheer for Australia in cricket.

I have really not been able to meet most of closest friends from engineering and school days.  And I hope I would be able to meet my best pals from XLRI for a long long long time to come.

Neways, I think I will devote next few posts to some of my priceless friends.    All the best to those dear friends of mine who are going to feature on this blog soon.  Those who wish to not get in the line of fire, may drop me a line

the US of A

I think it was in Chetan Bhagat's " one night at a call centre' , i had come across this piece of satire. 

(Mis)Quote: " I think there are like 5 intelligent people in US of A.  The rest of the guys call us up every night"

Today I had a conversation with one such moron, that I now truly appreicate CB.

One super gyaani friend of mine, who has been all around the world puts it
"The Russians are the most intelligent, The Chinese are the smartest, The Indians are the c**ya ( lets say its a metaphor of being the shrewdest), The Australians the wildest, The Americans the dumbest."

But the fact being America continues to be one of the ( if not the) most powerful nations on earth, boasts of being the home to most innovations and new life changing technologies, makes me take a bow to the land of liberty.

I

It has been sometime since I had last penned my own self description. So thought to just revise it. Though I am still to alter drastically, I think I have changed over the last 3 years. So here it goes.




1. If I think, I am.

2. If you can’t understand the above sentence, pl. do not waste your time..just piss off.

3. I am not sick, I am just single.

4. I value few values, which don’t have any value in valuations.

5. I love girls, who have brain bigger than their boobs.

6. I don’t like grey. I just talk and write- black & white.

7. I spend recklessly. I earn too much.

8. I am an intellectual. I have been able to find few things more interesting than sex.

9. I am a scholar. I can’t tolerate fools. Sometimes, not even myself.

10. I hope my epitaph may read: “No regrets”. But I prefer living rather with a few regrets.

11. I am yet to find a cause to ‘Live for’.

12. I can’t get no satisfaction.

13. I scribble sometimes. Some people call it poetry.

14. My job doesn’t suck. My boss is not a jerk.

15. I don’t drive. I prefer a chauffer instead.

16. I always try my very best to help my friends.

17. I can be mad, crazy, passionate & wise at the same time.

18. I still love Sachin Tendulkar. I am not gay.

19. I enjoy watching Tom & Jerry, Popeye.

20. I strongly believe that world is too small and life is too long.  Some stories therefore never end

21. I love my friends for their eccentricities. They like me for my abnormalities.

22. I am not my best friend. Not even close. They are Kumar, Jatin, Rajan, Sunil, Raju.

23. I haven’t met any of them over the last 3 years.

24. I am a virgin.

25. Sometimes, I lie. But, I am economical with it.

26. I worship Dhirubhai Ambani. The company I admire the most is AMUL (GCMMFL)

27. I never had a role model. But Vikram Sarabhai comes close.

28. I crib. I crib a lot.

29. There isn’t a selfish bone in my body.

30. I think in English. I abuse in Hindi.

31. Before MBA, I believed most HR guys are useless. Now I think all of them are.

32. I hope no one from my company HR reads this. I hope all my HR friends from MBA read this.

33. I love art. I praise creativity.

34. I can’t appreciate Shakespeare and I can’t understand Salman Rushdie.

35. I love literary classics. I’ve started reading Indian Philosophy lately.

36. I like to believe I am good in marketing. I know I am better in Strategy.

37. I am fantastic in Indian Contracts.

38. I am pathetic in technical stuff.

39. Did I mention I am a Mechanical Engineer?

40. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid.

41. I haven’t lost a single rupee in the stock market.

42. Pizza and maggi was my staple diet. Not any more.

43. I’ve lost 15 kg. in the last 2 months.

44. My parents think I am still a kid. I dare not disagree.

45. I abhor pigs, cockroaches and software engineers.

46. I am a Gandhian. But I know karate.

47. Money matters, more money matters more. Yet I don’t run after money.

48. I ended up in the highest paying job in engineering and it was my dream job.

49. I don’t want to leave India.

50. I am OK in swimming and rifle shooting.

5I. I am a good actor.

52. I am an excellent public speaker.

53. I am not humble. Its tough to be after being so talented.

54. I cry.

55. Sometimes, I stammer. I have won more elocution competitions than my age.

56. I am an environmentalist.

57. I hate people who keep dogs more than I hate dogs.

58. I won’t fall in love again. But may be, I will rise in it.

59. I intend to adopt a girl child someday.

60. I hate shopping.

61. I smoke occasionally. But the occasions come a bit too often.

62. I don’t know how to cook. The only recipe I remember is that of ice cubes.

63. I don’t know when to eat. Or may be when not to eat.

64. I hate, hate, hate mediocrity.

65. I usually don’t pick up others fight. But when I sincerely do, I fight.

66. I am a grossly underrated schemer.

67. My first boss was the shrewdest creature I have ever met. I prefer not meeting any more.

68. I respect most women. I hardly trust any.

69. I was among the least intelligent creatures in my batch during MBA.

70. But I was lucky to land up in the highest paying job in MBA.

71. I like people who outsmart me. I hate people who do that often.

72. Sometimes, I don’t believe in God. Forget God, I sometimes can’t even find a plumber.

73. I believe in Luck. How else can I explain the success of some, whom I dislike?

74. I have a soft corner for all my juniors from school, engg. & MBA

75. I can’t stand half of my relatives. I don’t know the other half.

76. If not for the lack of alternatives, I would’ve hated democracy.

77. I can take any shit from anybody; but I always return it with high compounded interest.

78. I am too blunt at times and I hate it.

79. I would love to love somebody more than I love myself.

80. I can be dangerously sarcastic. I don’t mind being personal.

81. is my favorite number

82. I am passionate about working towards education for unprivileged children.

83. I am the bravest person I know.

84. Life has not been kind to me. But I held only myself responsible for what I am (not) today.

85. I mind my business, but I do interfere.

86. I love India and I am a fanatic.

87. I don’t have views. I have convictions.

88. I don’t lose bets.

89. I still remember all my school friends’ birthday. At times, I can’t recollect my first name.

90. I rarely keep any grudges. When I do, I plan my revenges absolutely meticulously.

91. I am yet to write my favorite poem. Till then its “Madhushala” by Bacchanji.

92. I take drinks rarely.

93. I crave for importance.

94. I hate people who shirk work. Even if it is me.

95. I don’t flirt with air hostesses. I don’t flirt with ‘non-air hostesses’ also.

96. I can’t stand banal talk and fake laughs.

97. I ain’t fun loving; nor could I appreciate people whose sole objective in life is to have fun.

98. I long for being at home. But I don’t go often even if I have time.

99. I am too kind at most times.

100.First impressions matter.

101. I don’t have two faces. “If I had, would I be wearing this one” – Lincoln.

101. I rarely get angry and can camouflage my anger.

102. I am more comfortable in formals than casuals. I hate flashy clothes.

102. I am yet to make any enemies. But I have lost many friends.

103. I am good in networking.

104. I love Bollywood flicks.

105. Juhi Chawla was my first crush. I don’t know the name of the last one.

106. I have never been consistent with my work. But I can slog like hell.

107. I am a perfectionist.

107. I don’t give up on myself easily. I am supremely confident of myself.

108. I hate people who show off their knowledge. Though sometimes, I also do so.

109. I don’t attend calls before 9 in the morning, come what may.

110. Micro - Economics is my latest crush since last 2 years. I am not very good with it though.

111. I curse myself for not being in touch with my pals from school, engineering, earlier jobs.

112. I crave for being at peace with myself. I haven’t been successful so far.

113. I like forwarded mails.

114. I used to carry 3 SIM cards, but rarely used cell phone for the last 2 years.

115. I used to be a voracious reader. Now I spend time just thinking.

116. I can find grammatical mistakes in TOI editorials. Hey TOI guys. Can’t u improve?

117. I have damn sharp memory.

118. I go to sleep, earliest by 2 am. I am a nocturnal creature.

119. I do some things, sometimes “just for the heck of it”.

120. I don’t bullshit, as much as I should.

121. I love taking other people’s cases. I enjoy it when someone tries to take mine.

122. Few friends still give me the luxury of being classified into “Homo Sapiens Sapiens”

123. I criticize harshly, I am lavish in praise only for people who I don’t care about.

124. I love watching the rainbow. I don’t like clear skies. I love imagining shapes in the clouds

125. I have never taken a ride on a merry-go-round.

126. I am not only my biggest critic, I get the honors for many others too.

127. I have drastically reduced my chatting with people online.

128. I have never been in my hometown on election day. I have never voted yet.

129. I know four languages: English, Gujarati, Hindi & the language of eyes.

130. I borrowed the “eyes funda” in the above line from somebody. I dislike plagiarism.

131. If I am, I think.

The Lost Dreamers

I did spent 2 months recently at a relatively remote location, which was a once in a lifetime adventure. I did have some of the most unimaginable utmost interesting experience; but somehow I would not be sharing those on this blog. Maybe I feel it deserves a better platform; maybe a book or atleast another blog for that matter. And I will name it " The Lost Dreamers".....Do look out for it when it comes and I bet you won't regret it. Adios

Strategy Again : Sun Tzu and "the 3rd Smiling Buddha

During my MBA days, I fell in love with strategy and had devoted over half my time studying the domain. I once chanced upon Sun Tzu’s Art of War. After reading tons of research paper on the subject, at first Sun Tzu failed to enchant me, as it wasn’t any way related to Firm level Business Strategy, my prominent area of interest in strategy. It felt more like random filmi gyaan from a dilapidated budhau, but just for the heck of it, I opted to read it. Maybe as I had seen that book in the cabin of my first boss prompted me to read it. And for a very innocent reason, I thought to test the effectiveness of its preaching.

I did and still do strongly believe that the best of the best strategies are never known. For the essence of strategy also lies in one’s ability to replicate itself time and again against the clueless opponents. It reminded me of a personal conversation I had with a famous cricketer of the Indian side as he narrated me the team’s plan of batting against a particular bowler. Though the outcome was evidently visible to a normal spectator, the intention and the extent of predetermined strategy could never be fathomed.

And so one day I began my experiment with the art of war. I immersed myself into developing a meticulous plan comprising of a series of tactics, then named by me “the 3rd smiling Buddha” (I had two smiling Buddha statues on my desk that time) by me which was aimed at affecting (not annihilating….after all it was just an experiment, not a real big grudge; btw a line of orkut profile goes “ I rarely keep grudges, but when I do I plan my revenges meticulously) a neighboring madhouse molusc. And probably only then was I able to appreciate during the execution of this what I thought of an almost perfectly framed plan, the extent of tactical maneuvers required. It made me realize the brilliance of thoughts put forth by Sun Tzu and the scope of its wide applicability; more so for tactical moves rather than long term strategic actions.

Coming back to “The 3rd Smiling Buddha”, the initial plan though was formulated sometime in October was for a shorter duration of executing it over the next 1.5 months, but as time went by, I did made it full fledged plan with multiple options and back up plans to be executed over the next 4 months, yet most events turned out be almost as perfectly as were anticipated and as designed. A plan which involved multiple actors, inspired and at times agitated to play the roles designed for them, a host of unattended, seemingly inconsequential but critical influencers and few unwarranted, unintended casualties on the mollusc’s side on the way. Yes, there were many with their own personal agenda on board, but they had absolute no idea of the underlying scheme of things which were to unfurl over a phase of time. In the meantime, a high profile drama involving multiple generations was created against the mollusc, and then withdrawn just to make the dumb creature underestimate the opposition’s proficiency forte and put an indelible wound on it to be exploited at a later stage. And it did put more than a spot of doubt in the minds of the regulators, which was so well exploited. Poor mollusc tried to be very aggressive, may be he didn’t know that this wasn’t the real assault. Tzu had mentioned decades back “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence.” The master further wrote “Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective”. I still do vividly remember that call summoned by the mollusc inviting all and sundry to announce his victory and how I just kept mum as the mollusc’s top monk took to top gears.

I seriously feel like giving myself a pat on the back for the patience I showed while carrying on with the plan, despite of absolutely high work load, little changes in tactics that were required from time to time, adding supporters and at one of time detractors on both sides as planned and the efforts required to create appropriate buzz at the correct time, to identify catalysts, influencers, and the flux material was really some dedicated work. The time required to create seemingly unrelated events (which I term as “chaos” or codes) in such an apt fashion that the chaos appears to be the precursor of the real intended event. Though I did underestimate the nose poking ability and limelight seeking tendency of an influencer and a couple of catalyst, it thankfully didn’t really create any irreversible damage to attainment of the main objective. Favorable guards were provided to the mollusc for fencing his gate to euphoria, though it was ensured no casualties take place on the guards front when the lightning struck. The wound now was getting deeper and deeper and the populace was agitated. As in cricket so in war; the timing is everything. As the day of the mollusc’s doom was getting closer, the schemer that the mollusc was, it believed it had the key to the lock, and the key it did had, but not for the lock which really mattered. Yaa, though the climax got delayed by a day than what was designed, but then luck as they say does count.

The commandment for deception did say “Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.” It was just like a game of chess. Just the opponent doesn’t know who the opposite player is. He believes he has the control to change the rules of the game, whereas you actually influence it one at a time, without his knowledge. He believes that he controls his pawns atleast, whereas you make some of his pawns tread the path you intend. And there is a third one man army out there ( and you will try guessing it and I bet you would guess this wrongly), which you make your opponent believe, is supporting him, only to pull out at the last critical moment. Though I ensured that the mollusc underestimates my ability of striking at him, the mollusc aided his downfall by leaving some very critical positions open, which I grabbed with open hands. Though the mollusc did control fully one of the most vital influencer and decision maker, the ferocity of the populace converted him to a neutral spectator in this contest. It was camouflage, deception at its absolute prime for me. It was not just one knockout punch but a series of small punches carefully planned.

Over 5 months since the initial script was written came the icing on the cake, when the mollusc fell into the final trap and rejoiced his victory oblivious to the fact that his seemingly victory was a event predetermined after a hell lot of pleading and interconnection by me and my smirk that evening was worth a million dollars. I would admit that certain events panned out as expected and a tinge of luck was on my side during this experiment on the art of war. Though the mollusc never got courageous enough to directly confront me, but as they say deewaaroon ke bhi kaan hote hai. Also, I would definitely acknowledge that I do sincerely believe that the mollusc was the best schemer around and I couldn’t have got a better subject. After all, I just can’t stand loud jeering music. And yes, the master said “Never share everything you know” for information by influence edges over influence by information.

Vote zarur karna with or without tea

99.9999 (to the fourth decimal) percent of all species that ever existed on this earth has got extinct. On an average 50 to 55 species get extinct every year. And if that is indeed the law of nature, I wonder whether the human species will get extinct or not.

The sun is the only fundamental source of energy which gives rise to all other forms of energy. Earlier mankind use to live on current sun energy in terms of energy stored in plants and light and heat. Later on through fossil fuels and other mineral ores we opted to harness the ancient or the past sunlight. The current sunlight if harnessed by current levels of its utility and technology would be able to support about a billion people on this planet which is less than 1/7th the current population.

Maybe it’s high time to think for all our efforts to mitigate climate change. Its just not global warming, its not just chemical contamination, its not just population explosion, its just not soil erosion. It’s rather about life of your children.

So I ask today all of you to vote. Vote not only once in five years at the polling booth. But vote everyday, every moment. Because every time you switch on that electrical appliance you don’t really need, every time you buy a thing you are voting for the way that thing was made, the thing it will be used and the way in which it will be destroyed after use considering its implications on the environment.

Think we are indeed living in the 11th hour. You are not exactly correct. We are infact in the last minute of the 11th hour. So, I urge you all again to vote. Vote for your own life, survival of your own kids.


PS : The US of A indeed leads the world by a big way in consumption and wasteful spending. More money is spent every year in US on maintaining lawns than the total central tax collections in India. The US military budget exceeds the entire GDP of Australia, a country equivalent in size.

PSS : A study done 12 years ago indicates that all those things which nature provides us for free such as oxygen, sunlight and all the fossil fuels if valued would amount to over 40 trillion dollars, more than twice the GDP of all nations combined.

testimonials

Well, borrowing the idea from like every other blogger of my batch, I have opted to thank to all those lovely, beautiful, intelligent, helpful, charming, adorable, sexy ( discretion to be exercised) and lovable friends who wrote me a testimonial. For all those who haven’t written one, rest assure I will write you one on this blog sooner or later and you will have no f**king option to reject it.

waise muzhe bhi, yeh yearbook ke time par testi. likhne ka time nahi mila yaar. Now as you know that the ‘gandi-waali-gaali-deserving yearbook team’ had just given us only 15 odd extensions to the testi. writing deadline and the super shortage of time I faced due to being immersed in pursuits of saving world from aliens and ‘finishing’ off all angrezi movies on DC++ ( yaa..i just downloaded Alien III), to filling up umpteen forms ( damn Citi, bharti & TAS) and creative writing of CVs ( though not as hyper creative as some :-) and not to mention studying 4 full subjects in the 6th term wherein I managed a CQ of 5.0, I was pressed for time to write testimonials for all my buddies. But for all those who took out time from their busy skejules ( yaa..I am watching the movie ‘Outsourced’ now) to pen down a few flattering words for me, here is my hearty, sincere thanks to you all....Vaibhav, Abhay, Sapre, Amit Trivedi, Anik da, Srikanth, Vivek Jain, Amit Sinha, Soman, Srini, Elijah, Anupriya, Misha, Arindam S. Rupa, Diwakar sir, pritam, DJ, Gunjan, Tushar, Papa, Ritesh, Tapan, Ankit Agarwal, Puneet, Rakesh …… aree, sacchi mein thanks bol raha huun mamu

But apart from this, one testi. rather beats them all in creativity and I have somehow gather enuf courage :-) to reproduce it here. This testi. was …..was………indeed words are poor conveyors, heart knows itself.

Quote

Came here for : Fun / Acads
But ended up : Doing both and helping lots of people
Endorsement : Some airline known for its hospitality
(WTF…chalo thik hai abhi tak ..maan leta huun)

i remmber this gal during my summers when as a part of services, she was always around to help people... tat was the only time, when i got to interact with this gal.. i think that is gud enought to know, that she has a golden heart..soni ko sona ka dil hai..

Unquote

Well, now the above testi. though has the potential to raise doubt on my gender or the perceptual ability ( rather the lack of it on the part of the testi. writer). Considering I am ‘cocksure’ of my sexuality and the writer to my knowledge being a saccharined personality, I attribute this accidentally incidental piece of writing to the ultra busy schedules of our SAC members

PS – Well, I believe the worst “official’ GBM one liner during XL stay also came from SAC, infact G sec himself “Its not a committee, it’s a council. Close on the heels was one from the pcomm secy when pcomm’s integrity was questioned ‘The process is sacrosanct’. Will really miss GBMs

SIP

I wrote this post the night when our SIP Process got over. Somehow missed publishing it or maybe intentionally didn't publish it but the draft was saved, so publishing it now. Considering that the post is extremely extremely subtle, presume it won't hurt any sensibilities and if it does…MC .......Some stories rather do not have any endings

I have been quizzed by umpteen fellow idiots on what profession really interests me. After giving this topic due thought over countless nights over uncounted cups of coffee, innumerable pegs of nimbu pani and increasing air pollution in my vicinity by umpteen times, I have finally zeroed in on one of the most oldest profession on earth .... ( hey....no ideas please... I said ' one of the oldest & not 'THE OLDEST PROFESSION'). Not continuing further with this puzzle, let me enlighten you with the answer to this general knowledge question about the career choice of UPS. Well, I have decided to be a 'Story writer' (...bole to lekhak..waise bhi aajkal filmi stories likhne ke liye apun jaise kabil writers ki bahut zarurat hai)

So, trusting that you freaks who keep on visiting this blog have ingrained some virtuos qualities by reading my blogs and hence will not indulge in any acts of plagiarism, I present herewith a draft plot of one of my first stories. nahi. this is not one more story of dhishum, dhishum of amitabh bacchan. Nor is this melodramatic tale of manoj kumar. Nor is this a story interspersed ( kya ganda word hai ...even I took off the wrong lane) between item songs with isha copy kar shouting khallas.

This is a story of 'aam aadmi' ( haan bhai haan...i also follow indian politics). This is a story of an aam indian farmer. A marginalized creature burdened with basketsfull of troubles of the world, including a beautiful young unwed sexy sister having an affair with the mucchhad son of the local jamindar and three cute school going kids (munnu, chunnu & tunnu), a highly pativrata kadwa chauth celebrating devout wife, two young chicks ( u're a pervert.....chicks bole to murgi ke bacche. tum bhi naa !!!) and a nice healthy 'goat'. ( hey....no ideas please !!!)

So, who shall be the hero of this movie...? NO...you Bakar c**d, not Tushar kkapur. its about a farmer ..not some begging monger in a slow local mumbai train. What Govinda ?? shut up ..you f^kiggg $!#&. I m not writing an ad for colgate ( and never after they didn't took me in SIP) or bandar chaap kala daant manjan. hmmmm...hmmm...hmmmmmmm.....gotcha....apun ka Nana patekar. A typical aam aadmi

Now this hero of ours, ( arreee...bhul gaye...'nana'- abhi to decide kiya tha naa)..so, this nana used to live happily in his small village and did some 'mahenati' farming on his do bigha zameen for the whole day wearing a 15th century dhoti tucked 'somewhere' in his waist and a fully air conditioned ranjit smart banian which his great grand father had received as a wedding gift. And in the night ( c'mon..how do i know what he wears in the night) he used to enjoy with his wife and ask multiplication table of 2 and 'a for apple, b for buffalo' to munnu and chunnu. ( abhi tunnu chotta hai naa, uske khelne kudne ke din hai...isiliye usko nahi puchta...tum bhi naa). But then one fine day 'nana' while reading a khabarpatrika called 'bharat samay' came to know about some 'highly' fertile land along the banks of river 'kata-hua-kan-rekha' wherein the farmers are being bestowed with showers of rain by the rain gods.
But then the few bunch of idiots had conspired to lagaying Nana ki G**nd. So then our Nana decides that enuf was enuf. He thinks that the world is on the brink of destruction because the harmful effects of global warming are so drastic its has resulted in dirty water everywhere. Few solid rocks here and there aren’t sufficient enough to savour the ‘sip’ of life. The seasonal effects have also changed so much that even the ‘summers’ were absolutely cold. As antipathy displaced warmth, even the rain gods were selective with their showerings. Only the Bhakts who had made ‘special offerings’ were showered with plenty. The wind blew with such verocity that the destructrive futile fires got flamboyuant and the gentle candles got blown out. And in this era of darkness, Nana Patekar has decided to do the ultimate to all his dushmaans and no one shall be spared. By the way, there is something in money which makes the world go round the other way. The drought is here to say for long. The devils adorned in garlands swarmed the chapels of the heaven. And our hero Nana fails to understand whether the supreme diety was a just a meek observer or a part of the conspiracy.

P S - I am currently watching Amitabh Bacchan's " Aakhri Raasta'.
PSS - Old monk said 'BROTHERS, help thy brothers, SIP draupadi'. ( Courtesy - my fellow blogger's status msg. )
PSSS – This winter, there will be blood bath and the walls of ocean will break over. My word, your life.
PSSSS : But will nana looks good with his current french cut dadhi ? Though French cuts and indian $!#T$ is a great combination. ! I hate french cuts !!!

PSSSSS : abhi kahaani khatam nahi hui, mamu.....abhi to yeh suru hui hai

Placement, Paisa and recession

As many of batchmates at XLRI never get tired to mentioning of this being the worst year to pass from a B school, there isn’t a dearth of intellectuals who point to the all the benefits such as great learning due to entering the corporate arena in a year of economic recession. And I say “What crap !. Naukri lag nahi rahi, aur is chu*** ko learning ki padi hai.

Btw, as I try to grapple with the overdoze of information to understand what separates a slowdown from a recession or a depression a thousand random musings rush. Is it the dip in productivity or the loss of monetary value of goods and services i.e. ‘dis-inflationary’ pressures or market cap. of the listed companies, is it the GDP growth rate or the absolute GDP, is it loss of employment or the rise in the unemployment rate ( mind it…they are different ;-), is the sustainability of the poor economic performance or it is a static point function, is the future forecast to be considered or just the past and current economic data to figure out the nuances between recession and depression. Well, two years of digging management journals has made me resourceful enough to debate both ways for all the points mentioned above, I really feel the barometer to judge the economic condition is to a greater extent, the Market Sentiment ( not only the financial market). Though some may argue that the market sentiment is not a causal factor but a resultant one may kindly apply their logic on the any other parameter ( a typical chicken –egg problem). Though most of the economic indicators of India are much better than they were for that matter better than most periods in modern India’s history, which just goes on to indicate that the current fad of economic dizziness is just a slowdown, but the market sentiment seems to indicate this as a recession. Rather in current times, it would do more good than bad not to read the pink dailies

Btw, I have got placed fortunately (fortunately for me obviously, not for my employer). And though my employer is intelligent enuf to offer me about 20 % less than what it offered for the same profile last year, I still hope to draw a decent paycheque good enough for me to feed myself 3 times a day and create pollution 30 times a day. nahi to yeh economic recession mein apun ko depression ho jaata…

I am personally least interested in leaving India, but then the eco. slowdown makes you do strange things and strange things I did. However, better sense and better luck prevailed, thanks to umpteen wishes of my friends. And as my friend – cum- dushman – cum – bike lender – cum philosophical guru SS exclaims the typical bollywoodia cliché ‘there is a price to everything’ and asks me my kimmat of leaving India, I take a dip through all the micro economic concepts which I was suppose to learn, but thankfully due to the great attention I had paid during the micro eco. course, I fail to arrive at a defendable figure of marginal utility or whatsoever it be. So my philosopher friend turns into a prophet as we ride on highway towards and predicts my career progression over the next 20 years. Unfortunately he fails to foresee the bike going out of petrol ( or shall it not be ‘petrol going out of bike’…this Victorian English na) with no gas station nearby.

Yaa…seems I will require some voluntary free ki advice for arriving at that kimmat. btw, woh dialogue to suna hi hoga ‘ Is duniya mein advice ki supply hamesha demand se jyaada rahi hai’…wah wah …kya maara hai

Strategy again

The essence of strategy is to defy strategy. For it is neither an art nor a science. A strategist works hard to create a position, only to destroy it utterly, he steps down at times only to disillusion, he doesn’t believe in human rationality, rather he exploits human irrationality, he uses shock as armour not as weapon, he smells of immaturity only to gain no attention to his real pursuits, he doesn’t react but sets the machinery so that just a needle push sets everything rolling on itself, he doesn’t get involved in the implementation when he delivers, he believes in just one knock out punch not any before it, but keeps on punching afterwards, his timing is immaculate, he makes you accept the inevitable though it is not so, he generates codes just to create chaos, he doesn’t mobilize masses, he gets them enraged. He doesn’t believe in trade offs, he doesn’t beat imagination, he defies the experience curve, his inconvenience is his convenience. He doesn’t believe in power through position, he creates power through information. Neither does he alienate foes and nor does he make friends, he doesn’t take risks, he creates it for others, he doesn’t define his competition, he lets the competition define it. He cracks on the absolute. He tarnishes just the keystones, he leverages the lynch pins. He lets you loose once you feel trapped; he doesn’t go for the kill at the first opportunity. He lets the competition feel victorious, infact he ensures it gets within his shooting range, he lays down his trap so carefully, so meticulously drawn that it remains unforeseen by all. He doesn’t keep count, he goes on removing your bases one at a time. He lets you feel he has taken the revenge, but for when he shall, you won’t know the cause. He creates confusion, but his intentions are always very clear. . And well, he hasn’t yet heard the bell ring.

If you can’t make any head or tail of the above post, it’s a tribute to the undispute media mogul, Rupert Murdoch. And if you can, the worst is yet to come for you …MC MC

Last week @ XLRI

After a long hiatus, I am back to blogging. And it wasn’t a lack of substance and material to write about, rather it was the abundance of it. With convocation just a week apart, I am soon going to leave XLRI and being absolutely vella have opted to start afresh to pen down my feelings.

Btw, they say “You don’t leave XL, you just check out”. Is it some hotel or what, and if it is, it’s a shady one. Where else can you find a horde of super intelligent idiots smoking god knows what, debates on topics as ‘broad’ ranging as the latest increase in asset base across asset classes on campus and the underlying all possible reasons thereof ( dare you say I don’t have fin. specialization) to the slowdown in the mustard oil industry of Rwanda to the latest soccer encounter, a guys hostel which hosts more girls than the girls hostel post midnight, nights that get unduly wet, prophetic chants of GMD and BC, screening of indecent exposure leading to show of basic instinct …Btw, whoz getting parents along on convo. ?

PS – Isn’t it that since last two years Pakistan is generating more history than it can consume