Why are you living ?

The last few weeks have been really nice on my physical health. Being forced to stay in Baroda with less touring around, enables me more time with myself. But not having anything on hands except bunch of magazines around, and the sagas of ruining social fabric in TOI and garlanding business successes in BS, my chaotic mind takes off to unstable territories, and poses questions difficult to comprehend, more difficult to answer. Dimaag hai (?) ki manta nahi…

So, yesterday my enigmatic mind posed me a question: “Why are you living?” I keep on trying out excuses to appease myself, but I know that I am nowhere close to find out an answer, good enough to maintain my self esteem. My entry to the earth was beyond my reasonable control, but I utterly fail to find a reason strong enough to continue my presence. No… I am far from any suicidal instincts (Suicide is a punishable offence under IPC…waah…that’s a wonderful law). But after leading a bizarre existence trotting this land for 25 years, it shook me inside out to dwell on this perennial question of life. Martin Luther King once said that every man should have a cause to die for. Atleast, I find something to live for. (Beyond self, family, friends and organization) I don’t remember nor care who was my great grandfather, and the same would be the affinity of my great grand children with me? I don’t aspire to leave my footprints on the sands of time to last forever, but even if my tenure on globle was to be terminated tomorrow, the earth won’t shrink a bit. My contribution (if any) to current “earth” is miniscule by any parameters. …Maybe, I live because I am living, not living because I want to “Live”.

PS : For the second time, my attempts to understand the simple Maslow’s pyramid failed yesterday. (Free) Help required.

Not my subject

Time : 7 am, 30th Jan., 06. Location : Chair Car, Indrayani Express. Destination: Pune (for an interview) Condition : Deep slumber (after 48 haphazardly hectic hours.). The panoramic view of the exotic hills not enough to make me stretch my seemingly non-ending sleeplessness. A shrill voice did disturb it a bit. But, a tired body and a fatigued mind ignored it. But the voice didn’t bulge. And now it had a shriller company. Regaining partial consciousness, I diverted my attention to the episode being played. Two little teenage girls were cajoling a person, whom I learnt was a doctor to pay a visit in the next coach to their father having acute chest pain and difficulties in breathing. The TC, from his passenger list had figured this doctor out. He was also literally prodding the doctor for his services on urgent basis. The doctors blunt reply in an indifferent tone that he is just a physician and this is not his “subject” shocked me out my comfortable chair. I joined the girls and many other co-passengers in requesting the doctor for providing his attention to the case at hand, but to no avail. He continued his gaze outside the comfortable AC coach window and advised the now nearly weeping girls to get down at Pune ( which was over 1 hr) and find some doctor there. Courtesy, some other gentleman who contacted his family doctor and could arrange an ambulance at the next station, the “subject” got down at the next station. I do not know what happened to him. I do not guess whether the doctor could have alleviated the pain of that man. But the inhumane tone and behaviour from him was certainly unwarranted. Maybe, he belonged to that breed of doctors such as Dr. Asthana of Munnabhai MBBS fame, who do not love their patients. I shared this over here, as this was one of the rarest moment in my life, wherein inspite of deepest desire to help someone out in his moment of crisis, I was utterly helpless. Shame on you, Doc. Shame on you.

I think Railways should consider having a doctor -on – call arrangement at its stations. Its over three days since the incident, but I am not able to get the imprints of the episode just fade away. Anyways on a lighter note, “Why is a doctor’s work called practice ?”