testimonials

Well, borrowing the idea from like every other blogger of my batch, I have opted to thank to all those lovely, beautiful, intelligent, helpful, charming, adorable, sexy ( discretion to be exercised) and lovable friends who wrote me a testimonial. For all those who haven’t written one, rest assure I will write you one on this blog sooner or later and you will have no f**king option to reject it.

waise muzhe bhi, yeh yearbook ke time par testi. likhne ka time nahi mila yaar. Now as you know that the ‘gandi-waali-gaali-deserving yearbook team’ had just given us only 15 odd extensions to the testi. writing deadline and the super shortage of time I faced due to being immersed in pursuits of saving world from aliens and ‘finishing’ off all angrezi movies on DC++ ( yaa..i just downloaded Alien III), to filling up umpteen forms ( damn Citi, bharti & TAS) and creative writing of CVs ( though not as hyper creative as some :-) and not to mention studying 4 full subjects in the 6th term wherein I managed a CQ of 5.0, I was pressed for time to write testimonials for all my buddies. But for all those who took out time from their busy skejules ( yaa..I am watching the movie ‘Outsourced’ now) to pen down a few flattering words for me, here is my hearty, sincere thanks to you all....Vaibhav, Abhay, Sapre, Amit Trivedi, Anik da, Srikanth, Vivek Jain, Amit Sinha, Soman, Srini, Elijah, Anupriya, Misha, Arindam S. Rupa, Diwakar sir, pritam, DJ, Gunjan, Tushar, Papa, Ritesh, Tapan, Ankit Agarwal, Puneet, Rakesh …… aree, sacchi mein thanks bol raha huun mamu

But apart from this, one testi. rather beats them all in creativity and I have somehow gather enuf courage :-) to reproduce it here. This testi. was …..was………indeed words are poor conveyors, heart knows itself.

Quote

Came here for : Fun / Acads
But ended up : Doing both and helping lots of people
Endorsement : Some airline known for its hospitality
(WTF…chalo thik hai abhi tak ..maan leta huun)

i remmber this gal during my summers when as a part of services, she was always around to help people... tat was the only time, when i got to interact with this gal.. i think that is gud enought to know, that she has a golden heart..soni ko sona ka dil hai..

Unquote

Well, now the above testi. though has the potential to raise doubt on my gender or the perceptual ability ( rather the lack of it on the part of the testi. writer). Considering I am ‘cocksure’ of my sexuality and the writer to my knowledge being a saccharined personality, I attribute this accidentally incidental piece of writing to the ultra busy schedules of our SAC members

PS – Well, I believe the worst “official’ GBM one liner during XL stay also came from SAC, infact G sec himself “Its not a committee, it’s a council. Close on the heels was one from the pcomm secy when pcomm’s integrity was questioned ‘The process is sacrosanct’. Will really miss GBMs

SIP

I wrote this post the night when our SIP Process got over. Somehow missed publishing it or maybe intentionally didn't publish it but the draft was saved, so publishing it now. Considering that the post is extremely extremely subtle, presume it won't hurt any sensibilities and if it does…MC .......Some stories rather do not have any endings

I have been quizzed by umpteen fellow idiots on what profession really interests me. After giving this topic due thought over countless nights over uncounted cups of coffee, innumerable pegs of nimbu pani and increasing air pollution in my vicinity by umpteen times, I have finally zeroed in on one of the most oldest profession on earth .... ( hey....no ideas please... I said ' one of the oldest & not 'THE OLDEST PROFESSION'). Not continuing further with this puzzle, let me enlighten you with the answer to this general knowledge question about the career choice of UPS. Well, I have decided to be a 'Story writer' (...bole to lekhak..waise bhi aajkal filmi stories likhne ke liye apun jaise kabil writers ki bahut zarurat hai)

So, trusting that you freaks who keep on visiting this blog have ingrained some virtuos qualities by reading my blogs and hence will not indulge in any acts of plagiarism, I present herewith a draft plot of one of my first stories. nahi. this is not one more story of dhishum, dhishum of amitabh bacchan. Nor is this melodramatic tale of manoj kumar. Nor is this a story interspersed ( kya ganda word hai ...even I took off the wrong lane) between item songs with isha copy kar shouting khallas.

This is a story of 'aam aadmi' ( haan bhai haan...i also follow indian politics). This is a story of an aam indian farmer. A marginalized creature burdened with basketsfull of troubles of the world, including a beautiful young unwed sexy sister having an affair with the mucchhad son of the local jamindar and three cute school going kids (munnu, chunnu & tunnu), a highly pativrata kadwa chauth celebrating devout wife, two young chicks ( u're a pervert.....chicks bole to murgi ke bacche. tum bhi naa !!!) and a nice healthy 'goat'. ( hey....no ideas please !!!)

So, who shall be the hero of this movie...? NO...you Bakar c**d, not Tushar kkapur. its about a farmer ..not some begging monger in a slow local mumbai train. What Govinda ?? shut up ..you f^kiggg $!#&. I m not writing an ad for colgate ( and never after they didn't took me in SIP) or bandar chaap kala daant manjan. hmmmm...hmmm...hmmmmmmm.....gotcha....apun ka Nana patekar. A typical aam aadmi

Now this hero of ours, ( arreee...bhul gaye...'nana'- abhi to decide kiya tha naa)..so, this nana used to live happily in his small village and did some 'mahenati' farming on his do bigha zameen for the whole day wearing a 15th century dhoti tucked 'somewhere' in his waist and a fully air conditioned ranjit smart banian which his great grand father had received as a wedding gift. And in the night ( c'mon..how do i know what he wears in the night) he used to enjoy with his wife and ask multiplication table of 2 and 'a for apple, b for buffalo' to munnu and chunnu. ( abhi tunnu chotta hai naa, uske khelne kudne ke din hai...isiliye usko nahi puchta...tum bhi naa). But then one fine day 'nana' while reading a khabarpatrika called 'bharat samay' came to know about some 'highly' fertile land along the banks of river 'kata-hua-kan-rekha' wherein the farmers are being bestowed with showers of rain by the rain gods.
But then the few bunch of idiots had conspired to lagaying Nana ki G**nd. So then our Nana decides that enuf was enuf. He thinks that the world is on the brink of destruction because the harmful effects of global warming are so drastic its has resulted in dirty water everywhere. Few solid rocks here and there aren’t sufficient enough to savour the ‘sip’ of life. The seasonal effects have also changed so much that even the ‘summers’ were absolutely cold. As antipathy displaced warmth, even the rain gods were selective with their showerings. Only the Bhakts who had made ‘special offerings’ were showered with plenty. The wind blew with such verocity that the destructrive futile fires got flamboyuant and the gentle candles got blown out. And in this era of darkness, Nana Patekar has decided to do the ultimate to all his dushmaans and no one shall be spared. By the way, there is something in money which makes the world go round the other way. The drought is here to say for long. The devils adorned in garlands swarmed the chapels of the heaven. And our hero Nana fails to understand whether the supreme diety was a just a meek observer or a part of the conspiracy.

P S - I am currently watching Amitabh Bacchan's " Aakhri Raasta'.
PSS - Old monk said 'BROTHERS, help thy brothers, SIP draupadi'. ( Courtesy - my fellow blogger's status msg. )
PSSS – This winter, there will be blood bath and the walls of ocean will break over. My word, your life.
PSSSS : But will nana looks good with his current french cut dadhi ? Though French cuts and indian $!#T$ is a great combination. ! I hate french cuts !!!

PSSSSS : abhi kahaani khatam nahi hui, mamu.....abhi to yeh suru hui hai

Placement, Paisa and recession

As many of batchmates at XLRI never get tired to mentioning of this being the worst year to pass from a B school, there isn’t a dearth of intellectuals who point to the all the benefits such as great learning due to entering the corporate arena in a year of economic recession. And I say “What crap !. Naukri lag nahi rahi, aur is chu*** ko learning ki padi hai.

Btw, as I try to grapple with the overdoze of information to understand what separates a slowdown from a recession or a depression a thousand random musings rush. Is it the dip in productivity or the loss of monetary value of goods and services i.e. ‘dis-inflationary’ pressures or market cap. of the listed companies, is it the GDP growth rate or the absolute GDP, is it loss of employment or the rise in the unemployment rate ( mind it…they are different ;-), is the sustainability of the poor economic performance or it is a static point function, is the future forecast to be considered or just the past and current economic data to figure out the nuances between recession and depression. Well, two years of digging management journals has made me resourceful enough to debate both ways for all the points mentioned above, I really feel the barometer to judge the economic condition is to a greater extent, the Market Sentiment ( not only the financial market). Though some may argue that the market sentiment is not a causal factor but a resultant one may kindly apply their logic on the any other parameter ( a typical chicken –egg problem). Though most of the economic indicators of India are much better than they were for that matter better than most periods in modern India’s history, which just goes on to indicate that the current fad of economic dizziness is just a slowdown, but the market sentiment seems to indicate this as a recession. Rather in current times, it would do more good than bad not to read the pink dailies

Btw, I have got placed fortunately (fortunately for me obviously, not for my employer). And though my employer is intelligent enuf to offer me about 20 % less than what it offered for the same profile last year, I still hope to draw a decent paycheque good enough for me to feed myself 3 times a day and create pollution 30 times a day. nahi to yeh economic recession mein apun ko depression ho jaata…

I am personally least interested in leaving India, but then the eco. slowdown makes you do strange things and strange things I did. However, better sense and better luck prevailed, thanks to umpteen wishes of my friends. And as my friend – cum- dushman – cum – bike lender – cum philosophical guru SS exclaims the typical bollywoodia cliché ‘there is a price to everything’ and asks me my kimmat of leaving India, I take a dip through all the micro economic concepts which I was suppose to learn, but thankfully due to the great attention I had paid during the micro eco. course, I fail to arrive at a defendable figure of marginal utility or whatsoever it be. So my philosopher friend turns into a prophet as we ride on highway towards and predicts my career progression over the next 20 years. Unfortunately he fails to foresee the bike going out of petrol ( or shall it not be ‘petrol going out of bike’…this Victorian English na) with no gas station nearby.

Yaa…seems I will require some voluntary free ki advice for arriving at that kimmat. btw, woh dialogue to suna hi hoga ‘ Is duniya mein advice ki supply hamesha demand se jyaada rahi hai’…wah wah …kya maara hai

Strategy again

The essence of strategy is to defy strategy. For it is neither an art nor a science. A strategist works hard to create a position, only to destroy it utterly, he steps down at times only to disillusion, he doesn’t believe in human rationality, rather he exploits human irrationality, he uses shock as armour not as weapon, he smells of immaturity only to gain no attention to his real pursuits, he doesn’t react but sets the machinery so that just a needle push sets everything rolling on itself, he doesn’t get involved in the implementation when he delivers, he believes in just one knock out punch not any before it, but keeps on punching afterwards, his timing is immaculate, he makes you accept the inevitable though it is not so, he generates codes just to create chaos, he doesn’t mobilize masses, he gets them enraged. He doesn’t believe in trade offs, he doesn’t beat imagination, he defies the experience curve, his inconvenience is his convenience. He doesn’t believe in power through position, he creates power through information. Neither does he alienate foes and nor does he make friends, he doesn’t take risks, he creates it for others, he doesn’t define his competition, he lets the competition define it. He cracks on the absolute. He tarnishes just the keystones, he leverages the lynch pins. He lets you loose once you feel trapped; he doesn’t go for the kill at the first opportunity. He lets the competition feel victorious, infact he ensures it gets within his shooting range, he lays down his trap so carefully, so meticulously drawn that it remains unforeseen by all. He doesn’t keep count, he goes on removing your bases one at a time. He lets you feel he has taken the revenge, but for when he shall, you won’t know the cause. He creates confusion, but his intentions are always very clear. . And well, he hasn’t yet heard the bell ring.

If you can’t make any head or tail of the above post, it’s a tribute to the undispute media mogul, Rupert Murdoch. And if you can, the worst is yet to come for you …MC MC

Last week @ XLRI

After a long hiatus, I am back to blogging. And it wasn’t a lack of substance and material to write about, rather it was the abundance of it. With convocation just a week apart, I am soon going to leave XLRI and being absolutely vella have opted to start afresh to pen down my feelings.

Btw, they say “You don’t leave XL, you just check out”. Is it some hotel or what, and if it is, it’s a shady one. Where else can you find a horde of super intelligent idiots smoking god knows what, debates on topics as ‘broad’ ranging as the latest increase in asset base across asset classes on campus and the underlying all possible reasons thereof ( dare you say I don’t have fin. specialization) to the slowdown in the mustard oil industry of Rwanda to the latest soccer encounter, a guys hostel which hosts more girls than the girls hostel post midnight, nights that get unduly wet, prophetic chants of GMD and BC, screening of indecent exposure leading to show of basic instinct …Btw, whoz getting parents along on convo. ?

PS – Isn’t it that since last two years Pakistan is generating more history than it can consume