Sweet Inspirations

random

2010-05-01T23:36:00.000+05:30

At 4,

I wanted to be an astronaut.

I thought my dad was superhero

My deepest desire was to be able to cross the street without holding my mom’s hand.

I didn’t knew that girls and boys were different

At 9,

I wanted to be a cricketer

I thought my dad is great

My only wish was to beat up those bullies who used to play with me.

I didn’t want to talk with any girls.

At 14,

I wanted to be poet

I thought my dad sometimes loses his sense.

My deepest desire was to learn riding a bike.

I had a big time crush on her, but could hardly tell her.

At 19,

I wanted to be an engineer.

I thought my dad is a Oldie.

My deepest desire was to be able to afford a bike.

I proposed her finally for the first time.

At 24,

I was an engineer, but I hated doing engineering work

I was convinced my dad is a complete jerk.

My deepest desire was to quit job and enter politics.

After umpteen proposals from me, she finally agreed.

At 29,

I was an MBA, I wanted to be a business head

I thought my dad isn’t that bad afterall.

My deepest desire was to own a Mercedes

Luckily, she married me.

At 34,

I wanted to become CEO

I thought my dad is a great person

My deepest desire was to write a book

Our daughter’s smile was our most cherished treasure

At 39,

I want to write a book.

My dad is a superhero

My deepest desire is to be my daughter’s superhero.

We have started planning for our retirement.

Ahh….and who said Life begins at 40.

mumbai...

2010-02-20T23:41:00.000+05:30

Mumbai - a city of subdued morality bubbling with a frenzy of nervous energy, where every individual fights for himself, a city which gets channeled to jingoism by its resident evils, a city whose self-centre persona lacks empathy, a metropolis whose only remnant culture can’t be scripted as culture, a city with fake identity, no roots and a juxtaposed spirit. The city which under its deceptive subtle stink of dead fish metamorphosis the unsuspecting human into hollowness and makes him cherish it. It is the city which in its quest of smartness has parted ways with intellect, which walks in an unknown unyielding race to nowhere, a city which can’t be on time, it’s a city which lacks civilization.

You know you are busy when

2010-01-17T18:35:00.002+05:30

- When you walk into a CEO’s cabin and then suddenly forget the reason why you went in

- When a person putting in 18 hours a day starts calling you ‘workaholic”

- When you consider being called “workaholic” extremely derogatory

- When you start having dinner with your left hand because you can type faster with only right hand as compared to only left hand while eating.

- When you are the only moron in office who is served breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, tea on the table.

- When you receive over 200 mails marked “to” to you every day.

- When you put ‘having sex’ on your ‘to-do’ list for the weekend and still miss it

- When you have worked atleast 20 hours every weekend including public holidays for the last 7 months

- When you stop replying to SMS/ messages/calls / offline messages even if it is from some very sizzling hot babe asking you for a date

- When someone who speaks a bit slowly comes to talk with you, you tell him to drop a mail instead.

- When you can’t remember your dad’s cell no. and your own ATM / credit card passwords

- When the CEO asks you what time can he have a word with you about something important and you innocuously reply ‘during lunch time’

- When you ignore the SMS you receive from the bank stating your monthly salary deposit

- When you don’t have time for meeting Directors of prominent investment banks who fly from Singapore and New York just to meet you.

- When you book 4 flight tickets every week and cancel at least 2 of them and forget to take refund

- When you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is try to recall is what work in the office is pending.

- When you have no time to claim reimbursements of over Rs 1.5 lac of your bills from the accounts for the last 2 months

- When you keep extra pair of clothes in office so that you can work overnight in the office and pretend to be fresh next morning.

- When you were planning to write this post for the past 2 months and will be posting it sometime next month.

Segmentation

2009-11-07T17:23:00.000+05:30

I always knew the most difficult and the most important step in marketing once you are clear of your business objective is to determine criteria for segmenting the target customer base. From a classical economics point of view, the utility functions should decide the dimensions; but most marketers have been too dumb or their study of marketing had started with Kotler and ended at Kotler. Psyhographic or behavorial segmentation based on parameters derived from difference in utility functions tends to be the ideal way of segmenting customers. Most marketers however on account of lack of data and conceptual clarity revert to mundane and more tangible parameters like demographic segmentation. Even that is perfectly fine, if their intent to use demographic or other variables is to create a surrogate of behavioral or psychographic segmentation model and try to get as close as possible to the ideal situation.

Another major fallacy that Kotler hasn't clearly addressed in his writings is whether your require a single segmentation model or multiple. Well, you require a segmentation to be done initially for determining which segment you are going to target, may be another segmentation for defining which subsegment of your overall segment of customers would you target a particular promotion campain ( and the promotion campaing may be targetted at achieving sales or just simple improving brand health). Infact the truth is that for each and every activity that the marketer intends to do ( whether come up with a new SKU, a new discount scheme, a new advert., a new promotion campaign), he again requires to go through the rituals of segmentation all over again. Creating micro segments is something on which Kotler and party sold out. But the busy guys that the marketers are trust their guts most of the times rather than getting into the technicalities of trying out further segmentation. Also lack of a quality MR agency and their exorbitant rates makes it difficult to repeat such exercises time and again.

And today, I am in a peculiar scenario where I lose one fifth of my customers every month, gain back one third of the customers whom I lost this month over the next 3 months, and gain 20 % new customers every month. I end up in a scenario wherein how a long a customer has been with me doesn't bear any probability of how long is he going to be. I have absolutely no demographic data for any of my customers. And it doesn't help my customer base is in millions.

So what ???? Put on your thinking cap. Get back to basics. Lets segment and segment further and segment further...buss...itna hi...jyada segment karne ki bhi zarurat nahi hai

Feel like getting married

2009-11-04T22:55:00.001+05:30

You feel you should get married when

- A friend from school puts up snaps of his kids 4th birthday on Orkut

- Even all your Bong friends younger than you are getting married

- When you start receiving wedding invitations from your batchmates younger siblings.

- When no one taunts you about your closet smelling like an unattended public toilet at the railway station

- When you see kids whom you have hold in your hands when they were born having girlfriends / boyfriends

- Your bank account balance is about to touch a 7 figure mark.

- When you struggle every time to buy gifts for your female friends getting married

- When your staple diet consists of Pizza’s from Domino’s

- When you are awake at 3 in the night reading business reports.

- When your colleagues leave work early on most days citing family reasons.

- You require a dependant to be able to claim your entire LTA amount.

- When you fall really sick, the only people who know it are your online friends on Gtalk thru your status message.

- When it’s a long time since your last break up
- When you have two closets in your apartment and one is absolutely empty

You feel like not getting married

- When one more of your friend gets a divorce after marrying his long time love

- When you find a friend of yours now married couldn’t get time from family functions

- When you can’t just put up with your family and are scared at the thought of having to put up with someone else’s family.

- You love to make more money in a month than you can spend in a year

- When you still enjoy getting off from any side of the bed

- When you enjoy Domino’s Pizza more than roti-sabzi

- When you have just one closet

- When you just had your break up
- When you can cook Maggi and eat it too

- Your salary doesn’t have an LTA component

To suniyaa and jaggi and bavda

2009-11-03T20:40:00.001+05:30

suniyaa....yaa....thats the way I call him. One of my best friends Sunil leaves India tonight for Australia. and he is standing for in the line for the check in now. And how lucky is this bastard. He will be staying with two of my another best friends, both named Jatin in Australia. And I m gonna be really really really really really jealous of you three. I hate you for this, if you are reading this; but I know you won't be. For you three morons will never get time to stop watching some porn over the internet and read all the bull shit which I write on this blog.

am effusively sentimental of all those long nights we spend at Kankaria lake, all those bhagadod we did for getting sponserships, all those love affairs you guys had, and all those nights just before the exam where we studied so hard :), those last minute "course tick marking " sessions

And I will kill all three of you, incase you cheer for Australia in cricket.

I have really not been able to meet most of closest friends from engineering and school days. And I hope I would be able to meet my best pals from XLRI for a long long long time to come.

Neways, I think I will devote next few posts to some of my priceless friends. All the best to those dear friends of mine who are going to feature on this blog soon. Those who wish to not get in the line of fire, may drop me a line

the US of A

2009-11-03T20:24:00.000+05:30

I think it was in Chetan Bhagat's " one night at a call centre' , i had come across this piece of satire.

(Mis)Quote: " I think there are like 5 intelligent people in US of A. The rest of the guys call us up every night"

Today I had a conversation with one such moron, that I now truly appreicate CB.

One super gyaani friend of mine, who has been all around the world puts it
"The Russians are the most intelligent, The Chinese are the smartest, The Indians are the c**ya ( lets say its a metaphor of being the shrewdest), The Australians the wildest, The Americans the dumbest."

But the fact being America continues to be one of the ( if not the) most powerful nations on earth, boasts of being the home to most innovations and new life changing technologies, makes me take a bow to the land of liberty.

I

2009-11-03T20:09:00.004+05:30

It has been sometime since I had last penned my own self description. So thought to just revise it. Though I am still to alter drastically, I think I have changed over the last 3 years. So here it goes.

1. If I think, I am.

2. If you can’t understand the above sentence, pl. do not waste your time..just piss off.

3. I am not sick, I am just single.

4. I value few values, which don’t have any value in valuations.

5. I love girls, who have brain bigger than their boobs.

6. I don’t like grey. I just talk and write- black & white.

7. I spend recklessly. I earn too much.

8. I am an intellectual. I have been able to find few things more interesting than sex.

9. I am a scholar. I can’t tolerate fools. Sometimes, not even myself.

10. I hope my epitaph may read: “No regrets”. But I prefer living rather with a few regrets.

11. I am yet to find a cause to ‘Live for’.

12. I can’t get no satisfaction.

13. I scribble sometimes. Some people call it poetry.

14. My job doesn’t suck. My boss is not a jerk.

15. I don’t drive. I prefer a chauffer instead.

16. I always try my very best to help my friends.

17. I can be mad, crazy, passionate & wise at the same time.

18. I still love Sachin Tendulkar. I am not gay.

19. I enjoy watching Tom & Jerry, Popeye.

20. I strongly believe that world is too small and life is too long. Some stories therefore never end

21. I love my friends for their eccentricities. They like me for my abnormalities.

22. I am not my best friend. Not even close. They are Kumar, Jatin, Rajan, Sunil, Raju.

23. I haven’t met any of them over the last 3 years.

24. I am a virgin.

25. Sometimes, I lie. But, I am economical with it.

26. I worship Dhirubhai Ambani. The company I admire the most is AMUL (GCMMFL)

27. I never had a role model. But Vikram Sarabhai comes close.

28. I crib. I crib a lot.

29. There isn’t a selfish bone in my body.

30. I think in English. I abuse in Hindi.

31. Before MBA, I believed most HR guys are useless. Now I think all of them are.

32. I hope no one from my company HR reads this. I hope all my HR friends from MBA read this.

33. I love art. I praise creativity.

34. I can’t appreciate Shakespeare and I can’t understand Salman Rushdie.

35. I love literary classics. I’ve started reading Indian Philosophy lately.

36. I like to believe I am good in marketing. I know I am better in Strategy.

37. I am fantastic in Indian Contracts.

38. I am pathetic in technical stuff.

39. Did I mention I am a Mechanical Engineer?

40. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid.

41. I haven’t lost a single rupee in the stock market.

42. Pizza and maggi was my staple diet. Not any more.

43. I’ve lost 15 kg. in the last 2 months.

44. My parents think I am still a kid. I dare not disagree.

45. I abhor pigs, cockroaches and software engineers.

46. I am a Gandhian. But I know karate.

47. Money matters, more money matters more. Yet I don’t run after money.

48. I ended up in the highest paying job in engineering and it was my dream job.

49. I don’t want to leave India.

50. I am OK in swimming and rifle shooting.

5I. I am a good actor.

52. I am an excellent public speaker.

53. I am not humble. Its tough to be after being so talented.

54. I cry.

55. Sometimes, I stammer. I have won more elocution competitions than my age.

56. I am an environmentalist.

57. I hate people who keep dogs more than I hate dogs.

58. I won’t fall in love again. But may be, I will rise in it.

59. I intend to adopt a girl child someday.

60. I hate shopping.

61. I smoke occasionally. But the occasions come a bit too often.

62. I don’t know how to cook. The only recipe I remember is that of ice cubes.

63. I don’t know when to eat. Or may be when not to eat.

64. I hate, hate, hate mediocrity.

65. I usually don’t pick up others fight. But when I sincerely do, I fight.

66. I am a grossly underrated schemer.

67. My first boss was the shrewdest creature I have ever met. I prefer not meeting any more.

68. I respect most women. I hardly trust any.

69. I was among the least intelligent creatures in my batch during MBA.

70. But I was lucky to land up in the highest paying job in MBA.

71. I like people who outsmart me. I hate people who do that often.

72. Sometimes, I don’t believe in God. Forget God, I sometimes can’t even find a plumber.

73. I believe in Luck. How else can I explain the success of some, whom I dislike?

74. I have a soft corner for all my juniors from school, engg. & MBA

75. I can’t stand half of my relatives. I don’t know the other half.

76. If not for the lack of alternatives, I would’ve hated democracy.

77. I can take any shit from anybody; but I always return it with high compounded interest.

78. I am too blunt at times and I hate it.

79. I would love to love somebody more than I love myself.

80. I can be dangerously sarcastic. I don’t mind being personal.

81. is my favorite number

82. I am passionate about working towards education for unprivileged children.

83. I am the bravest person I know.

84. Life has not been kind to me. But I held only myself responsible for what I am (not) today.

85. I mind my business, but I do interfere.

86. I love India and I am a fanatic.

87. I don’t have views. I have convictions.

88. I don’t lose bets.

89. I still remember all my school friends’ birthday. At times, I can’t recollect my first name.

90. I rarely keep any grudges. When I do, I plan my revenges absolutely meticulously.

91. I am yet to write my favorite poem. Till then its “Madhushala” by Bacchanji.

92. I take drinks rarely.

93. I crave for importance.

94. I hate people who shirk work. Even if it is me.

95. I don’t flirt with air hostesses. I don’t flirt with ‘non-air hostesses’ also.

96. I can’t stand banal talk and fake laughs.

97. I ain’t fun loving; nor could I appreciate people whose sole objective in life is to have fun.

98. I long for being at home. But I don’t go often even if I have time.

99. I am too kind at most times.

100.First impressions matter.

101. I don’t have two faces. “If I had, would I be wearing this one” – Lincoln.

101. I rarely get angry and can camouflage my anger.

102. I am more comfortable in formals than casuals. I hate flashy clothes.

102. I am yet to make any enemies. But I have lost many friends.

103. I am good in networking.

104. I love Bollywood flicks.

105. Juhi Chawla was my first crush. I don’t know the name of the last one.

106. I have never been consistent with my work. But I can slog like hell.

107. I am a perfectionist.

107. I don’t give up on myself easily. I am supremely confident of myself.

108. I hate people who show off their knowledge. Though sometimes, I also do so.

109. I don’t attend calls before 9 in the morning, come what may.

110. Micro - Economics is my latest crush since last 2 years. I am not very good with it though.

111. I curse myself for not being in touch with my pals from school, engineering, earlier jobs.

112. I crave for being at peace with myself. I haven’t been successful so far.

113. I like forwarded mails.

114. I used to carry 3 SIM cards, but rarely used cell phone for the last 2 years.

115. I used to be a voracious reader. Now I spend time just thinking.

116. I can find grammatical mistakes in TOI editorials. Hey TOI guys. Can’t u improve?

117. I have damn sharp memory.

118. I go to sleep, earliest by 2 am. I am a nocturnal creature.

119. I do some things, sometimes “just for the heck of it”.

120. I don’t bullshit, as much as I should.

121. I love taking other people’s cases. I enjoy it when someone tries to take mine.

122. Few friends still give me the luxury of being classified into “Homo Sapiens Sapiens”

123. I criticize harshly, I am lavish in praise only for people who I don’t care about.

124. I love watching the rainbow. I don’t like clear skies. I love imagining shapes in the clouds

125. I have never taken a ride on a merry-go-round.

126. I am not only my biggest critic, I get the honors for many others too.

127. I have drastically reduced my chatting with people online.

128. I have never been in my hometown on election day. I have never voted yet.

129. I know four languages: English, Gujarati, Hindi & the language of eyes.

130. I borrowed the “eyes funda” in the above line from somebody. I dislike plagiarism.

131. If I am, I think.

The Lost Dreamers

2009-11-01T01:14:00.001+05:30

I did spent 2 months recently at a relatively remote location, which was a once in a lifetime adventure. I did have some of the most unimaginable utmost interesting experience; but somehow I would not be sharing those on this blog. Maybe I feel it deserves a better platform; maybe a book or atleast another blog for that matter. And I will name it " The Lost Dreamers".....Do look out for it when it comes and I bet you won't regret it. Adios

Strategy Again : Sun Tzu and "the 3rd Smiling Buddha

2009-10-31T23:41:00.003+05:30

During my MBA days, I fell in love with strategy and had devoted over half my time studying the domain. I once chanced upon Sun Tzu’s Art of War. After reading tons of research paper on the subject, at first Sun Tzu failed to enchant me, as it wasn’t any way related to Firm level Business Strategy, my prominent area of interest in strategy. It felt more like random filmi gyaan from a dilapidated budhau, but just for the heck of it, I opted to read it. Maybe as I had seen that book in the cabin of my first boss prompted me to read it. And for a very innocent reason, I thought to test the effectiveness of its preaching.

I did and still do strongly believe that the best of the best strategies are never known. For the essence of strategy also lies in one’s ability to replicate itself time and again against the clueless opponents. It reminded me of a personal conversation I had with a famous cricketer of the Indian side as he narrated me the team’s plan of batting against a particular bowler. Though the outcome was evidently visible to a normal spectator, the intention and the extent of predetermined strategy could never be fathomed.

And so one day I began my experiment with the art of war. I immersed myself into developing a meticulous plan comprising of a series of tactics, then named by me “the 3rd smiling Buddha” (I had two smiling Buddha statues on my desk that time) by me which was aimed at affecting (not annihilating….after all it was just an experiment, not a real big grudge; btw a line of orkut profile goes “ I rarely keep grudges, but when I do I plan my revenges meticulously) a neighboring madhouse molusc. And probably only then was I able to appreciate during the execution of this what I thought of an almost perfectly framed plan, the extent of tactical maneuvers required. It made me realize the brilliance of thoughts put forth by Sun Tzu and the scope of its wide applicability; more so for tactical moves rather than long term strategic actions.

Coming back to “The 3rd Smiling Buddha”, the initial plan though was formulated sometime in October was for a shorter duration of executing it over the next 1.5 months, but as time went by, I did made it full fledged plan with multiple options and back up plans to be executed over the next 4 months, yet most events turned out be almost as perfectly as were anticipated and as designed. A plan which involved multiple actors, inspired and at times agitated to play the roles designed for them, a host of unattended, seemingly inconsequential but critical influencers and few unwarranted, unintended casualties on the mollusc’s side on the way. Yes, there were many with their own personal agenda on board, but they had absolute no idea of the underlying scheme of things which were to unfurl over a phase of time. In the meantime, a high profile drama involving multiple generations was created against the mollusc, and then withdrawn just to make the dumb creature underestimate the opposition’s proficiency forte and put an indelible wound on it to be exploited at a later stage. And it did put more than a spot of doubt in the minds of the regulators, which was so well exploited. Poor mollusc tried to be very aggressive, may be he didn’t know that this wasn’t the real assault. Tzu had mentioned decades back “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence.” The master further wrote “Even though you are competent, appear to be incompetent. Though effective, appear to be ineffective”. I still do vividly remember that call summoned by the mollusc inviting all and sundry to announce his victory and how I just kept mum as the mollusc’s top monk took to top gears.

I seriously feel like giving myself a pat on the back for the patience I showed while carrying on with the plan, despite of absolutely high work load, little changes in tactics that were required from time to time, adding supporters and at one of time detractors on both sides as planned and the efforts required to create appropriate buzz at the correct time, to identify catalysts, influencers, and the flux material was really some dedicated work. The time required to create seemingly unrelated events (which I term as “chaos” or codes) in such an apt fashion that the chaos appears to be the precursor of the real intended event. Though I did underestimate the nose poking ability and limelight seeking tendency of an influencer and a couple of catalyst, it thankfully didn’t really create any irreversible damage to attainment of the main objective. Favorable guards were provided to the mollusc for fencing his gate to euphoria, though it was ensured no casualties take place on the guards front when the lightning struck. The wound now was getting deeper and deeper and the populace was agitated. As in cricket so in war; the timing is everything. As the day of the mollusc’s doom was getting closer, the schemer that the mollusc was, it believed it had the key to the lock, and the key it did had, but not for the lock which really mattered. Yaa, though the climax got delayed by a day than what was designed, but then luck as they say does count.

The commandment for deception did say “Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate.” It was just like a game of chess. Just the opponent doesn’t know who the opposite player is. He believes he has the control to change the rules of the game, whereas you actually influence it one at a time, without his knowledge. He believes that he controls his pawns atleast, whereas you make some of his pawns tread the path you intend. And there is a third one man army out there ( and you will try guessing it and I bet you would guess this wrongly), which you make your opponent believe, is supporting him, only to pull out at the last critical moment. Though I ensured that the mollusc underestimates my ability of striking at him, the mollusc aided his downfall by leaving some very critical positions open, which I grabbed with open hands. Though the mollusc did control fully one of the most vital influencer and decision maker, the ferocity of the populace converted him to a neutral spectator in this contest. It was camouflage, deception at its absolute prime for me. It was not just one knockout punch but a series of small punches carefully planned.

Over 5 months since the initial script was written came the icing on the cake, when the mollusc fell into the final trap and rejoiced his victory oblivious to the fact that his seemingly victory was a event predetermined after a hell lot of pleading and interconnection by me and my smirk that evening was worth a million dollars. I would admit that certain events panned out as expected and a tinge of luck was on my side during this experiment on the art of war. Though the mollusc never got courageous enough to directly confront me, but as they say deewaaroon ke bhi kaan hote hai. Also, I would definitely acknowledge that I do sincerely believe that the mollusc was the best schemer around and I couldn’t have got a better subject. After all, I just can’t stand loud jeering music. And yes, the master said “Never share everything you know” for information by influence edges over influence by information.

Vote zarur karna with or without tea

2009-08-27T11:49:00.000+05:30

99.9999 (to the fourth decimal) percent of all species that ever existed on this earth has got extinct. On an average 50 to 55 species get extinct every year. And if that is indeed the law of nature, I wonder whether the human species will get extinct or not.

The sun is the only fundamental source of energy which gives rise to all other forms of energy. Earlier mankind use to live on current sun energy in terms of energy stored in plants and light and heat. Later on through fossil fuels and other mineral ores we opted to harness the ancient or the past sunlight. The current sunlight if harnessed by current levels of its utility and technology would be able to support about a billion people on this planet which is less than 1/7th the current population.

Maybe it’s high time to think for all our efforts to mitigate climate change. Its just not global warming, its not just chemical contamination, its not just population explosion, its just not soil erosion. It’s rather about life of your children.

So I ask today all of you to vote. Vote not only once in five years at the polling booth. But vote everyday, every moment. Because every time you switch on that electrical appliance you don’t really need, every time you buy a thing you are voting for the way that thing was made, the thing it will be used and the way in which it will be destroyed after use considering its implications on the environment.

Think we are indeed living in the 11th hour. You are not exactly correct. We are infact in the last minute of the 11th hour. So, I urge you all again to vote. Vote for your own life, survival of your own kids.

PS : The US of A indeed leads the world by a big way in consumption and wasteful spending. More money is spent every year in US on maintaining lawns than the total central tax collections in India. The US military budget exceeds the entire GDP of Australia, a country equivalent in size.

PSS : A study done 12 years ago indicates that all those things which nature provides us for free such as oxygen, sunlight and all the fossil fuels if valued would amount to over 40 trillion dollars, more than twice the GDP of all nations combined.

testimonials

2009-03-25T00:06:00.001+05:30

Well, borrowing the idea from like every other blogger of my batch, I have opted to thank to all those lovely, beautiful, intelligent, helpful, charming, adorable, sexy ( discretion to be exercised) and lovable friends who wrote me a testimonial. For all those who haven’t written one, rest assure I will write you one on this blog sooner or later and you will have no f**king option to reject it.

waise muzhe bhi, yeh yearbook ke time par testi. likhne ka time nahi mila yaar. Now as you know that the ‘gandi-waali-gaali-deserving yearbook team’ had just given us only 15 odd extensions to the testi. writing deadline and the super shortage of time I faced due to being immersed in pursuits of saving world from aliens and ‘finishing’ off all angrezi movies on DC++ ( yaa..i just downloaded Alien III), to filling up umpteen forms ( damn Citi, bharti & TAS) and creative writing of CVs ( though not as hyper creative as some :-) and not to mention studying 4 full subjects in the 6th term wherein I managed a CQ of 5.0, I was pressed for time to write testimonials for all my buddies. But for all those who took out time from their busy skejules ( yaa..I am watching the movie ‘Outsourced’ now) to pen down a few flattering words for me, here is my hearty, sincere thanks to you all....Vaibhav, Abhay, Sapre, Amit Trivedi, Anik da, Srikanth, Vivek Jain, Amit Sinha, Soman, Srini, Elijah, Anupriya, Misha, Arindam S. Rupa, Diwakar sir, pritam, DJ, Gunjan, Tushar, Papa, Ritesh, Tapan, Ankit Agarwal, Puneet, Rakesh …… aree, sacchi mein thanks bol raha huun mamu

But apart from this, one testi. rather beats them all in creativity and I have somehow gather enuf courage :-) to reproduce it here. This testi. was …..was………indeed words are poor conveyors, heart knows itself.

Quote

Came here for : Fun / Acads
But ended up : Doing both and helping lots of people
Endorsement : Some airline known for its hospitality
(WTF…chalo thik hai abhi tak ..maan leta huun)

i remmber this gal during my summers when as a part of services, she was always around to help people... tat was the only time, when i got to interact with this gal.. i think that is gud enought to know, that she has a golden heart..soni ko sona ka dil hai..

Unquote

Well, now the above testi. though has the potential to raise doubt on my gender or the perceptual ability ( rather the lack of it on the part of the testi. writer). Considering I am ‘cocksure’ of my sexuality and the writer to my knowledge being a saccharined personality, I attribute this accidentally incidental piece of writing to the ultra busy schedules of our SAC members

PS – Well, I believe the worst “official’ GBM one liner during XL stay also came from SAC, infact G sec himself “Its not a committee, it’s a council. Close on the heels was one from the pcomm secy when pcomm’s integrity was questioned ‘The process is sacrosanct’. Will really miss GBMs

SIP

2009-03-24T23:21:00.004+05:30

I wrote this post the night when our SIP Process got over. Somehow missed publishing it or maybe intentionally didn't publish it but the draft was saved, so publishing it now. Considering that the post is extremely extremely subtle, presume it won't hurt any sensibilities and if it does…MC .......Some stories rather do not have any endings

I have been quizzed by umpteen fellow idiots on what profession really interests me. After giving this topic due thought over countless nights over uncounted cups of coffee, innumerable pegs of nimbu pani and increasing air pollution in my vicinity by umpteen times, I have finally zeroed in on one of the most oldest profession on earth .... ( hey....no ideas please... I said ' one of the oldest & not 'THE OLDEST PROFESSION'). Not continuing further with this puzzle, let me enlighten you with the answer to this general knowledge question about the career choice of UPS. Well, I have decided to be a 'Story writer' (...bole to lekhak..waise bhi aajkal filmi stories likhne ke liye apun jaise kabil writers ki bahut zarurat hai)

So, trusting that you freaks who keep on visiting this blog have ingrained some virtuos qualities by reading my blogs and hence will not indulge in any acts of plagiarism, I present herewith a draft plot of one of my first stories. nahi. this is not one more story of dhishum, dhishum of amitabh bacchan. Nor is this melodramatic tale of manoj kumar. Nor is this a story interspersed ( kya ganda word hai ...even I took off the wrong lane) between item songs with isha copy kar shouting khallas.

This is a story of 'aam aadmi' ( haan bhai haan...i also follow indian politics). This is a story of an aam indian farmer. A marginalized creature burdened with basketsfull of troubles of the world, including a beautiful young unwed sexy sister having an affair with the mucchhad son of the local jamindar and three cute school going kids (munnu, chunnu & tunnu), a highly pativrata kadwa chauth celebrating devout wife, two young chicks ( u're a pervert.....chicks bole to murgi ke bacche. tum bhi naa !!!) and a nice healthy 'goat'. ( hey....no ideas please !!!)

So, who shall be the hero of this movie...? NO...you Bakar c**d, not Tushar kkapur. its about a farmer ..not some begging monger in a slow local mumbai train. What Govinda ?? shut up ..you f^kiggg $!#&. I m not writing an ad for colgate ( and never after they didn't took me in SIP) or bandar chaap kala daant manjan. hmmmm...hmmm...hmmmmmmm.....gotcha....apun ka Nana patekar. A typical aam aadmi

Now this hero of ours, ( arreee...bhul gaye...'nana'- abhi to decide kiya tha naa)..so, this nana used to live happily in his small village and did some 'mahenati' farming on his do bigha zameen for the whole day wearing a 15th century dhoti tucked 'somewhere' in his waist and a fully air conditioned ranjit smart banian which his great grand father had received as a wedding gift. And in the night ( c'mon..how do i know what he wears in the night) he used to enjoy with his wife and ask multiplication table of 2 and 'a for apple, b for buffalo' to munnu and chunnu. ( abhi tunnu chotta hai naa, uske khelne kudne ke din hai...isiliye usko nahi puchta...tum bhi naa). But then one fine day 'nana' while reading a khabarpatrika called 'bharat samay' came to know about some 'highly' fertile land along the banks of river 'kata-hua-kan-rekha' wherein the farmers are being bestowed with showers of rain by the rain gods.
But then the few bunch of idiots had conspired to lagaying Nana ki G**nd. So then our Nana decides that enuf was enuf. He thinks that the world is on the brink of destruction because the harmful effects of global warming are so drastic its has resulted in dirty water everywhere. Few solid rocks here and there aren’t sufficient enough to savour the ‘sip’ of life. The seasonal effects have also changed so much that even the ‘summers’ were absolutely cold. As antipathy displaced warmth, even the rain gods were selective with their showerings. Only the Bhakts who had made ‘special offerings’ were showered with plenty. The wind blew with such verocity that the destructrive futile fires got flamboyuant and the gentle candles got blown out. And in this era of darkness, Nana Patekar has decided to do the ultimate to all his dushmaans and no one shall be spared. By the way, there is something in money which makes the world go round the other way. The drought is here to say for long. The devils adorned in garlands swarmed the chapels of the heaven. And our hero Nana fails to understand whether the supreme diety was a just a meek observer or a part of the conspiracy.

P S - I am currently watching Amitabh Bacchan's " Aakhri Raasta'.
PSS - Old monk said 'BROTHERS, help thy brothers, SIP draupadi'. ( Courtesy - my fellow blogger's status msg. )
PSSS – This winter, there will be blood bath and the walls of ocean will break over. My word, your life.
PSSSS : But will nana looks good with his current french cut dadhi ? Though French cuts and indian $!#T$ is a great combination. ! I hate french cuts !!!

PSSSSS : abhi kahaani khatam nahi hui, mamu.....abhi to yeh suru hui hai

Placement, Paisa and recession

2009-03-24T22:20:00.002+05:30

As many of batchmates at XLRI never get tired to mentioning of this being the worst year to pass from a B school, there isn’t a dearth of intellectuals who point to the all the benefits such as great learning due to entering the corporate arena in a year of economic recession. And I say “What crap !. Naukri lag nahi rahi, aur is chu*** ko learning ki padi hai.

Btw, as I try to grapple with the overdoze of information to understand what separates a slowdown from a recession or a depression a thousand random musings rush. Is it the dip in productivity or the loss of monetary value of goods and services i.e. ‘dis-inflationary’ pressures or market cap. of the listed companies, is it the GDP growth rate or the absolute GDP, is it loss of employment or the rise in the unemployment rate ( mind it…they are different ;-), is the sustainability of the poor economic performance or it is a static point function, is the future forecast to be considered or just the past and current economic data to figure out the nuances between recession and depression. Well, two years of digging management journals has made me resourceful enough to debate both ways for all the points mentioned above, I really feel the barometer to judge the economic condition is to a greater extent, the Market Sentiment ( not only the financial market). Though some may argue that the market sentiment is not a causal factor but a resultant one may kindly apply their logic on the any other parameter ( a typical chicken –egg problem). Though most of the economic indicators of India are much better than they were for that matter better than most periods in modern India’s history, which just goes on to indicate that the current fad of economic dizziness is just a slowdown, but the market sentiment seems to indicate this as a recession. Rather in current times, it would do more good than bad not to read the pink dailies

Btw, I have got placed fortunately (fortunately for me obviously, not for my employer). And though my employer is intelligent enuf to offer me about 20 % less than what it offered for the same profile last year, I still hope to draw a decent paycheque good enough for me to feed myself 3 times a day and create pollution 30 times a day. nahi to yeh economic recession mein apun ko depression ho jaata…

I am personally least interested in leaving India, but then the eco. slowdown makes you do strange things and strange things I did. However, better sense and better luck prevailed, thanks to umpteen wishes of my friends. And as my friend – cum- dushman – cum – bike lender – cum philosophical guru SS exclaims the typical bollywoodia cliché ‘there is a price to everything’ and asks me my kimmat of leaving India, I take a dip through all the micro economic concepts which I was suppose to learn, but thankfully due to the great attention I had paid during the micro eco. course, I fail to arrive at a defendable figure of marginal utility or whatsoever it be. So my philosopher friend turns into a prophet as we ride on highway towards and predicts my career progression over the next 20 years. Unfortunately he fails to foresee the bike going out of petrol ( or shall it not be ‘petrol going out of bike’…this Victorian English na) with no gas station nearby.

Yaa…seems I will require some voluntary free ki advice for arriving at that kimmat. btw, woh dialogue to suna hi hoga ‘ Is duniya mein advice ki supply hamesha demand se jyaada rahi hai’…wah wah …kya maara hai

Strategy again

2009-03-22T10:47:00.002+05:30

The essence of strategy is to defy strategy. For it is neither an art nor a science. A strategist works hard to create a position, only to destroy it utterly, he steps down at times only to disillusion, he doesn’t believe in human rationality, rather he exploits human irrationality, he uses shock as armour not as weapon, he smells of immaturity only to gain no attention to his real pursuits, he doesn’t react but sets the machinery so that just a needle push sets everything rolling on itself, he doesn’t get involved in the implementation when he delivers, he believes in just one knock out punch not any before it, but keeps on punching afterwards, his timing is immaculate, he makes you accept the inevitable though it is not so, he generates codes just to create chaos, he doesn’t mobilize masses, he gets them enraged. He doesn’t believe in trade offs, he doesn’t beat imagination, he defies the experience curve, his inconvenience is his convenience. He doesn’t believe in power through position, he creates power through information. Neither does he alienate foes and nor does he make friends, he doesn’t take risks, he creates it for others, he doesn’t define his competition, he lets the competition define it. He cracks on the absolute. He tarnishes just the keystones, he leverages the lynch pins. He lets you loose once you feel trapped; he doesn’t go for the kill at the first opportunity. He lets the competition feel victorious, infact he ensures it gets within his shooting range, he lays down his trap so carefully, so meticulously drawn that it remains unforeseen by all. He doesn’t keep count, he goes on removing your bases one at a time. He lets you feel he has taken the revenge, but for when he shall, you won’t know the cause. He creates confusion, but his intentions are always very clear. . And well, he hasn’t yet heard the bell ring.

If you can’t make any head or tail of the above post, it’s a tribute to the undispute media mogul, Rupert Murdoch. And if you can, the worst is yet to come for you …MC MC

Last week @ XLRI

2009-03-22T10:39:00.002+05:30

After a long hiatus, I am back to blogging. And it wasn’t a lack of substance and material to write about, rather it was the abundance of it. With convocation just a week apart, I am soon going to leave XLRI and being absolutely vella have opted to start afresh to pen down my feelings.

Btw, they say “You don’t leave XL, you just check out”. Is it some hotel or what, and if it is, it’s a shady one. Where else can you find a horde of super intelligent idiots smoking god knows what, debates on topics as ‘broad’ ranging as the latest increase in asset base across asset classes on campus and the underlying all possible reasons thereof ( dare you say I don’t have fin. specialization) to the slowdown in the mustard oil industry of Rwanda to the latest soccer encounter, a guys hostel which hosts more girls than the girls hostel post midnight, nights that get unduly wet, prophetic chants of GMD and BC, screening of indecent exposure leading to show of basic instinct …Btw, whoz getting parents along on convo. ?

PS – Isn’t it that since last two years Pakistan is generating more history than it can consume

m lovin' it

2008-09-23T03:16:00.000+05:30

I’m back in Ahmedabad for a 18 day long vacation… m lovin’ it

I love having 2 breakfasts in the morning and it doesn’t matter that I don’t get up before 10 and am back in bed for a afternoon nap at 2 o clock after my multi-multi course lunch getting up in the evening only to have pre evening snake followed by loitering around with friends till the time of post evening snake.

I love sitting at station with a bunch of friends with almost no worries of how the day is going to be tomorrow and lurking at some beautiful lasses as they try to make their way out hiding their cute noses ( as if nak kat gaya ho …heee.heee) with their soft fingers ensuring they are not subjected to the highly poisonous smoke emancipating from nearby chimneys.

I love spending 6 hours sitting over Kankaria lake, at times alone, just staring at that serene water and looking around as couples embrace each other and murmur sweet nothings in each other ears and then look around to ensure that nobody has heard anything as if they have just shared the hideout of Osama Bin Laden

I love reading the nonsense in all those regional newspapers about how a dog is feeding a kitten and how a thief felt asleep after breaking in someone’s else house and how some local jackass got a chance to sing in an album of some ‘god knows who’ singer.

I love going on a long drive with that someone, at 2 am in the night on the pretext of having a cup of chai at a place 80 km away and returning back without a chai; for ‘the one’ feels it to be unhygienic to have a chai so late in the night.

I really love driving like crazy on my 2 wheeler giving a f*ck to the traffic rules, intentionally getting caught by a traffic hawaldar to give my intro, followed by his salute and a sigh of relief on my not resorting to anything against him.

I love moving around, watching places which takes me down on the memory lane of the moments I really rejoiced around here with all my school time friends and all the so-called ex’s, of all those places where we hid ourselves from the rest of the world and had pledged the last drop of blood in our heart to each other every time.

I love not been on line for the whole day and have an identity for self other than a name on the Gtalk and a profile on Orkut and reply to names and people whom I really wonder exist or not in real self.

But most of all I love the supreme peace of going to sleep without bothering at what time to get up, without bothering to turn on the alarm clock, without bothering to count the no. of lectures the next day, without uttering curses for having a 8 30 lecture, without taking to ‘udaaying all the gam in dhuaan’ aka devanand istyle.

PS – And I know that I have absolutely done mother –sister one of the English grammar but then I am now in the Gujju land. M Lovin’ it..

Na Mo gets cranky

2008-09-23T03:13:00.000+05:30

arendra Modi, the MLA from my constituency, more favorably or I believe unfavorably known as the extremist chief minister of Gujarat by pseudo – intellectuals, is rather one of the few political leaders of today’s time for whom I do spare a bit of respect occasionally. However, this dynamic leader seems to have taken a leaf of motivation from the book of the red brigade, and his ideas and diktats seem to be getting far from ‘Gujarati asmita’ to ‘strong no-headed communism’. Seems our dear Naa. Moo is getting cranky nowadays. Consider this

On the auspicious occasion of Dr. Sarvapally’s birthday ( abe oo angrezi ke lote….teacher’s day..kyaa yaar) gave a diktat that all students in all schools in Gujarat be subjected to two hours of special torture of hearing Mr. Modi live as he goes about brandishing all bakwaas. A dear enemy of mine who knew about my compassionate feelings towards Mr. Modi got me a copy of that highly enervated speech. Mr. Modi summoned the students of Gujarat to learn Chinese apart from learning English. Now Mr. Modi, I do not present my views on the idea of importance of learning Chinese, yet even if the students were to learn Chinese, don’t you think it’s the education board who will have to implement that. And I am really glad to know that we have no short supply of Chinese tutors in Gujarat.

In another historic diktat, the Gujarat PSEs ( public sector entity of Gujarat) have been asked to consider contributing their 30 % of PBT to a welfare fund for the welfare of the state. No surprises the stock market reacted sharply by washing off over Rs. 12,000 Cr. in market cap in a couple of days from these companies. Btw, I wonder if welfare has to be done by the welfare fund contributed by this PSE, for what the hell were this companies paying tax. And a little bit of learning of Companies Act makes me consider this as a case of Oppression of Minority and Mismanagement. Any lawyers around ?

And in another typical communist istyle the Gujarat government wants the industry to reduce its electricity usage by 30 % to ensure that it is able to meet the increase in energy requirements from the agricultural sector on account of poor monsoon.

May the heavens bestow some wiseness on NaMo. This country may survive a communal rhetoric, but can’t survive any more communist rhetoric.

PS – As an idiot said, the true measure of the development of any society is whether one is safe after opposing the big brother.

PS- I really wonder at the time management skills of my beloved MPs from BJP, Sidhu and former health minister Shotgun Shatru, who after spending almost 3/4th of a day laughing at absolutely stupid, derogatory, plagiarized, vulgar sense of humor of me-too participants seem to be managing the affairs of this country.

itaali samachar

2008-09-23T03:11:00.000+05:30

One of the ministers of Italy is a well known beautiful model, who used to pose nude and has appeared in her full bloom on many fashion magazine covers. And my imagination runs wild thinking of the mandarins from India…viz. amarsingh, lallu Prasad etc. Well, I pray that they do not take any motivation from this Italian minister…Amen !!! Probably fashion has a different connotation in Rome and Ramgadh.

There are reports here that Italy is paying Libya 5 billion dollars and formally apologizing for the colonial rule it had imposed on Libya. Now it would be really interesting if the Indian Government even gathers courage to demand an apology from the British …and yaa the Kohinoor diamond too from the bloody ..I mean the royal blooded queen. Probably, if the British were to repay the damages they have incurred on this world on the virtue of its colonization policy, forget the diamond in the crown, the entire population of Brits (queen included) would be stripped of their chaddis (matbal ….undergarments…tusi bhi naa ) …Now we Indians being so emotional can’t see so many nange – punge log around, so I think the idea can be dropped.

PS - I really wonder why people just turn blind to all the notorious acts of this former rulers…this royal blooded family. The royal prince Charlie kept on tanka bhidaying with that kamlila and that s*ut who people call Princess Diana still garners so much respect, but the plain truth being that she involved in a extra marital affair ( more than one) and got killed while alluding with her non official boyfriend….I wonder how she would be phrased if not belonging to the royal family…..Thankfullyu, nature’s justice it doesn’t give preferential treatment. :)

BATTING MAESTROS @ X L R I

2008-07-24T23:22:00.008+05:30

It is really nice that most of my dear batsman took the previously mentioned stuff of this post in the spirit it should have been taken. But despite basketsful of public requests (and orders), yours truly has deleted the actual contents of this post. Maybe, I also like to have my own way, no matter the extent of criticism or praise. It would not be prudent on my part to not delete the contents, as there is a little possibility that few of my dear friends may fail to appreciate the intent of the post. My sincere apologies to them.

I am sorry to all my fellow and senior batchmates who feel that deleting this post is an idiotic idea, but an idiot I am. I’ll also take the undue liberty of deleting the beautiful song contributed by the Papalaxi chief, the king of PJ. I have also been deleting few comments wherein names of some dear batting maestros were explicitly mention. I once again reiterate that the selection of batsman was not personal, but reflected the collective view of the interested batch. The timing of publishing and deleting the earlier post was 'strategically' planned to ensure that a major proportion of the upcoming lot of cricketers were busy with their adventures and roaming god foresaken villages.

Your Comments and a link to a blog presenting a different view to my earlier post have been retained for the time being. My ‘personal’ views about the highly enlightened CHIMNAXI (God save them !!!) and ‘Shaky Baby & Lolita Aunty’ in due time. Till then, HAPPY BATTING :)

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PS1 : The above post has been written for the pure purpose of light hearted banter. Unfortunately, or fortunately this post will remain online for a very short period. Adequate measures have been taken to ensure that only the senior denizens of XLRI are able to appreciate this post. Kindly appreciate please. The selection of the batsman mentioned above is not at all personal, but reflects the collective views of the batch. Sorry for this ultra long post. Considering the batting talents, couldn’t avoid it.

PS2 : As always, there will be no comment moderation. Your views, counterviews, abuses(voluntary), appreciation(mandatory) are more than welcome.

PS3 : Despite severe public protests, self has decided to withhold publishing about GALAXI queen(s) till I get myself a big life insurance policy. Though, a post on the two foremost bowlers ‘Shaky Baby and Lolita Aunty’ and a post on ‘Chimnaxi’ are under consideration.

PS4 : Captain Sharma shall be officially launching ‘SAXI’ soon….Everyone’s welcome.

BATTING MAESTROS @ XLRI

2008-07-24T20:22:00.002+05:30

The hallowed portals of XLRI in recent times have been witness to epical batting skills of batting maestros who are truly artist of a genre above class. It has been not just raining, but pouring sixes and fours around the clock on the grounds of XLRI. The unassuming bowlers are hit in all directions, from all directions. Such pronounced is the batting prowess of this league of extraordinary batting maestros, who have taken to batting with a vow to themselves that they will not let go any bowler, I repeat, any bowler pass by ‘untempered’.

In order to acknowledge the batting genius of this batsman, we today will confer them with a place in the highly prestigious “Hole of Shame’. In order to separate real quality (bats)man from the boys, suggestions were invited from the spectators and the affected bowlers. A total of 44 respondents named 21 batsman and 2 batswoman whom they fear the most. The 7 most terrific batting maestros who received the highest votes have made it to the most sought after ‘Hole of Shame’. The above research methodology has been validated by our very own in-house expert Chaitanya Swami.

Bowlers, beware of this batting greats ! They are out there to screw you… literally.

But before we start with the real batting maestros, let us have a look at those aspiring batsman who just missed the “Hole of Shame’ by a whisker.

Mr. Fakir Tashan – Undergoing a patch of bad form currently. Often seen escorting coaching junior bowlers at wee hours… But remember, Form is temporary, Class is permanent. Rest assure, he will bounce back.

Mr. Arbit Aachaar – Rather than doing net practice on the grounds, he is found improving his dance moves with the new lot of bowlers. Unfortunately he get out too often at ‘silly point’

Mr. Harbar Sadabahar Chhatawaala – The reason for the drop in ranking of this Punjab-da-puttar is that our dear Harbar has opted to play with his umbrella rather than bat.. Rumours are he has lost his ‘bat’. Can anyone please give him a new bat ?

Mr. 100 (Soo) weak verbal applications ( waah..waah..m so good in PJ) - for rather than playing against quality bowlers, our dear batsman is seen playing with substandard local bowlers. He is so desperate for batting that whether he is in the team or not, he keeps on batting with any available bowlers…arree..bhai koi isko bhi team mein le lo naa….

Mr. Sab aao - This Ranchi rancho has the potential to make it to the top of the batting list, provided he can keep his mouth shut and ass cut.

Mr. Lingraj - With his current unperturbed focus on improving the cricketing ‘infrastructure’, he seems to have retired from his batting. We’ll miss you

Mr. Tiktik Gandu maru - This Charminar challenger is nowadays busy focusing more on fielding rather than batting. Tries to go over the ‘Deep mid wicket’ and gets caught.

Mr. Maximus Topiwala – A poor shot selection which hit him at midpoint has caused a drastic drop in his form. Rumours are he is now going after fellow batsman rather than bowlers… ‘Bowlers hence breathe a sigh of relief’

Mr. mAdi kyakarliya - This master blaster had set the grounds on fire during the recent concluded bhasad series, and had left many a batting great peeing in their pants. Being the humble self that he is, he claims that he is good only for ‘bang bang’ batting in 20-20….But we all know the true calibre of this master strokemaker.

The batting legends who have made it to the “Hole of Shame” are …..

No. 7 - If you believe that Sourav Ganguly, the Bengal Tiger is the only batting legend that Kolkata has produced, meet the Bengal hippopotamus. This joyous bespectacled batting maestro has recently made a career shift from TT and badminton to batting. We presume he prefers hitting balls rather than hitting cocks. (I mean shuttle cocks, you pervert). He has been able to step right in to the boots of our very own real dada, lovingly called the ‘water cooler guy’. Our dear Bengal hippopotamus believes in practicing hard without any interference and hence is seen practicing in solace with different bowlers at GMP lawns regularly in the evening. Now please, don’t disturb him. Concentrate to karne do zaara…His endorsements include Hippo Chaddis…

No. 6 - Meet this Sher-e-Punjab …Mr. Laddu..Apart from batting, at times he also focuses on ‘Woman Resources and Personal Relations’. We ourselves are dumbfounded how he manages his both interests so well. Though he manages an almost perfect 10 on his batting prowess, he has also been able to consistently score more than 7 on 8 in almost all aspects of Women Resources and Personal Relations. But all said and done, our Mr. Laddu is a very soft butted person. He is always more than ready to offer his butt and share all his gyaan with the new bowlers who have recently step foot on the grounds of XLRI. However, our Mr. Laddu is technically weak and is sooner or later going to get hit wicket.

No. 5 - Meet Mr. Chandu Choti…Don’t get mislead by his looks which give a false impression of he being the traveler on the road less traveled. Mr. Chandu Choti is one of the rarest specimen who plays multiple matches at the same time and that too effectively. Mr. CC is a firm believer that batting is all about colors…And it doesn’t matter that the color happens to be pink. After devastating many a senior bowlers, Mr. CC is nowadays seen successfully tempering more than a few upcoming bowlers. He always remains on the prowl for any opportunities to hit the upcoming bowlers ‘out to the park’ without any respite. Mr. CC can effectively handle the ‘load’ of managing at times two, at times three and at times even more than that matches. I wonder how he manages this. Too much of batting so early in the career may lead to premature *&#@%.....( kya word hai who)….haan…premature retirement (aap kya soch rahe the !!) His endorsements include ‘Fair & Random’

No. 4 - Meet Mr. Sabka liya. And what a star batsman is he…koi aisa –waisa star nahi…..the best of all…the ‘Pole star’ which keeps shining like a precious stone. He has the eyes of a true batsman and though his leg glances are not that delightful to watch, his eye glances are better than the best. Our Mr. Sabka Liya picks up the gems among the bowlers…may it be diamond, pearl, ruby or ‘Sapphire’….and hits them with utter disdain. He bats exceptionally well in the darkness also, without the need of any floodlights. Infact the darker, the better.. Rumors are that he has taken his favorite four bowlers in his team in spite of high controversies. His endorsements include ‘Pole – All meat, no Hole’

No. 3 - Meet Mr. Hero Desperado, the true Nayak of batting. Our Mr. Hero has recently displayed a supreme surge in form and has been hitting sixes all over the place. He attributes this newly found form to a ‘secret’. Reliable sources quote that ‘If Boost is the secret of Sachin’s energy, Horlicks is the secret of our Mr. Hero Desperado’s energy.’ He displays abnormal animal tendencies in his ‘strokeplay’, which spectators attribute to his special interest in all the animals one can find in the zoo. I am sure that he is a perfect bet for a ‘long race ka horse’. He favorite shot is driving through the ‘gully’. Though, many Experts opine that he gets caught too often at the ‘silly’ point.

No. 2 - Meet Mr. Kaala Anna. “Naam hai iska kaala anna, patla hai jaise ho ganna.” He is after all the real ‘Dark Knight’. This tall, dark and non handsome Chennai super king is a ‘saccharined’ personality and has tried his hands at a multitude of games before finally taking to batting. His bibaca smile, thanks to his super white teeth which perfectly contrast with the ‘not so white’ background bedazzles many a bowlers. But his shot selection has been less than satisfactory and he always picks up the wrong bowlers. No wonder our dear ‘anna’ gets caught by the bowlers too often. Hope he soon finds the bowlers with whom he can have a strategic fit. He is the brand ambassador of ‘Bandar Chaap Kaala Dant Manjan’
Watch out for his photo at the end of the post…
….ch*tya banayaa…bada maazaa aaya…. ‘abe oye..iski fotu kahaan se aayegi, iski to negative hi niklegi naa’

No. 1 - And the top honors for batting excellence goes to none else than the grand ol’pa of batting. Mr. Bada Rod liya. Our dear grand ol’pa was born not with a silver spoon in his mouth, but with a wooden bat in his ass. His contributions to the world of batting are unparalleled. For his distinctive contributions to the domain of batting, he is unanimously conferred with the ‘Lifetime Achievement Award for Batting Xlence”. He is to batting what Devanand sahab is to films. Notwithstanding the amount of criticism, they always have their own way. His footwork is amazing, his handwork is even more brilliant. He plans his every move maliciously..oops …i mean meticulously. In this era of macho hitters, he has kept the bastion of classic cricket alive by his deft touches which will be unchallenged till times immemorial. His timing is so impeccable that even the best of the best bowlers fail to realize the true impact of these godly touches. His ‘placement’ has forever been right on spot. He has the guts and nuts to hold the mantle all alone by his charismatic batting. So unbelievable is his array of strokes, that he doesn’t let a ball pass by untouched…no matter how wide is it. Though many of you poor souls are crying foul and are of the view that he should now retire and concentrate on the veterans’ cricket, I disagree. What else could be a more fitting tribute by me to this grand ol’pa of batting than ‘God doesn’t retire, then why should Grand ol’pa? The fan club of the Grand ol’pa (PAPAXI) on this occasion has decided to showcase their respect by means of a small song ( see Exhibit 1)

On being asked about giving any batting tips to the budding batsman, he smirks and replies with his typical tilt of head ‘ Batting karma kaam nahi hai baccho kaa…Tel nikal jaata hai acche accho ka.”

So dear all wannabe batsman….I know it’s a bit disappointing….But don’t lose hope, as we have with us the real batting maestro, Mr. Smokin’ Jones, the undisputed chief of the Chimney’s association to XLRI to share his insights on technically correct batting.

Smoking Jones speak …
“Batting is not a science. Nor is it an art. In its purest and most sincerest form, it’s a feeling that the heart lifts above and the heaven rejects not. True Batting is not just about hitting the ball. Batting emancipates from the soul, encapsulates the mind and exhibits through the being. Batting is not about hitting every bowler, rather it is about facing that one special bowler with whom you lock your spirits forever. Its not about the no. of balls you hit, its about the impact of just that one hit. Batting is not about scoring runs to win always, rather it is about holding on when there is nothing in you except the will that says ‘Hold on’ (Kipling). Batting is not about creating strokes with your bat, rather it is about letting loose the stirrings of your heart. For only those who shall play with their hearts shall enter the heavenly ‘Hall of Fame’. Amen !!!”

Exhibit 1 :
oyee...woh papalaxi song..bhul gaye kya ...
Song for the Grand ol’pa

[four four six four, four four six four, four four six four, Let's bat] 2

Hai bachelor (hai bachelor), Has lost some hair (lost some hair)…
Hai bachelor, Has lost some hair…
Spectacular! He’s a great batter (He’s a great batter, He’s a great batter)…

daddy ka bat tez hai, daddy ko balls ka craze hai…
daddy ka chashma thick black, daddy dikhta thoda aged hai (aged hai)…
XL ki Billiyan saath mein, Gale mein bahon ki maala…

[Par daddy can bat saala] 2
Han daddy bat kar sakta!

Paida daddy hua to kismaatein chamki…
Aur doosre batters ki strike rates thamki…

(hey array array) daddy karta hay hook pull cut…
(hey array array) dusre batters ko bolta hay dur hat…
(hey array array) daddy ke nazron me long leg hai…
(hey array array) daddy ke haath me whiskey ke peg hai…

[But daddy can bat saala] 2

Haan daddy bat kar sakta!
Papa kehte the bada kaam karega…
Nahi pataa tha daddy bus batting karega…

(hey array array) daddy kar raha hai MBA…
(hey array array) Manata hai summers jaise ho holiday…
(hey array array) daddy nazrein ladata hai…
(hey array array) Jahaan bhi jata hai, batting karna chahta hai…

[Cos daddy can bat saala] 2

Haan daddy bat kar sakta…
Yeah…daddy can bat saala…!!!

Courtesy : Papaxi (Bodhi tree has expressed its interest in using this song as the title song for their upcoming album)

PS1 : The above post has been written for the pure purpose of light hearted banter. Unfortunately, or fortunately this post will remain online for a very short period. Adequate measures have been taken to ensure that only the senior denizens of XLRI are able to appreciate this post. Kindly appreciate please. The selection of the batsman mentioned above is not at all personal, but reflects the collective views of the batch. Sorry for this ultra long post. Considering the batting talents, couldn’t avoid it.

PS2 : As always, there will be no comment moderation. Your views, counterviews, abuses(voluntary), appreciation(mandatory) are more than welcome.

PS3 : Despite severe public protests, self has decided to withhold publishing about GALAXI queen(s) till I get myself a big life insurance policy. Though, a post on the two foremost bowlers ‘Shaky Baby and Lolita Aunty’ and a post on ‘Chimnaxi’ are under consideration.

PS4 : Captain Sharma shall be officially launching ‘SAXI’ soon….Everyone’s welcome.

mallya ki to *&^(

2008-07-18T03:56:00.004+05:30

Penned on 7th Apr., 08, @ 10,000 ft. above the ground

Yup…the travel bug has once again bitten me. I landed in Delhi today morning from Jamshedpur and am currently leaving for aamchi Mumbai by Air Deccan flight. Hmm…not too much travel considering my episodical travel indulgence pre MBA. But yaaa…after 9 months of nearly static existence, the traveler in me is once again gearing up for some exciting, traveling times ahead. Well, my project also being linked to improvement in shares of travel category doesn’t seem much of an coincidence by the way. The only difference being I have never been on a personal tour since the fall of the Roman Empire and my official business tours stretch across lands more vast than that of Chengiz Khan.

Yaa.. I will be traveling to Mumbai without any knowledge of where am I going to put up once I land there. My only contact in Mumbai is ‘out of range’ now. I really like uncertainty, rather I love it and being plunged into uncertainty currently in all aspects of my life gives me a new high. As uncertainty looms large on the academic front to personal front to career front to my own perceptions of the world outside and in this realm of uncertainty I need to make some of the more significant, if not the most significant decisions soon is going to test my capabilities of coping with ‘ambiguity absolute’ to the extreme.

By the way, am a bit depressed now…The f***in airlines wala took an extra 840 bugs from me because of the excessive weight (not mine re) of my luggage. I am hardly left with a few coins in my pocket and the bank accounts are soon going to be run out of credit. No liquidity crunch man, its credit crunch. I am sure I would not be in any position to repay my lenders ( read friends, friends of friends, relatives of friends of friends and so on). Poor them, they didn’t took a credit default swap while extending me an unsecured long term loan. I seriously feel for this poor fellows. Magar koi baat nahi….agali baar se kisi aise waise ko loan nahi denge ;)

By the way, there is a smart, sexy girl sitting right opposite to me and giving me glances. No, I just checked out in the mirror and there are no shoestrings hanging around my ears and no grease marks on my nose. I have also tightened my shirt buttons in the proper order. Yaa…that makes me consider the possibility of she asking me for a coffee….. Well, since I haven’t had anything since morning ( early morning) and am absolute broke, I would not mind having a pizza accompanied with that coffee. But hey…just hold on…!!! Looking at her ‘economy dress’ really makes me think whether she is high on some bollywood fashion or simple broke like me.. She again glances at me as she brushes her golden ( not golden …some damn new colour) hair aside. I run a check in my wallet. Haaa…haaaa….I really don’t have anything to loose.

Oh gosh…!!! WTF… the last call for boarding has been made. One of the first times when this airline hasn’t delayed its flight….For the first time, I am cursing this airlines for not delaying the flight…..apna pizza aur coffee to gaya naa….

As I stood up I feel the tragic emotions in her eyes, I really wish to go and give her my address and bank account no. so that she could transfer the amount for coffee and pizza to my account. But what a f**kin memory I have…I can’t even recollect my bank account no. Well, I think I should collect cash instead….yaa…that’s a great idea..I will rather ask her for giving me the cash. I start walking towards her, but a heavy voice disrupts my plans. K…..that idiot from school suddenly ‘tapaks’ down from nowhere. A second of conversation makes me realize that he is on the same flight….K forces me to run with him towards the boarding gate leaving my golden hair waali anarkaaali singing ‘ yooon naa jaao rooth ke, yeh dil abhi bharaa naahi’……

If flight delays would be more consistent, apna bhi koi setting ho jaata..sob ..sob …sob….

lagta hai vijay maal aaya ne Air Deccan' ko badal diya..... sob...sob...sob...

PS : Under production - Batting maestros @ XL. Thanks a ton for your loads of suggestions. PSS : The highly virtous Galaxy secy. will be announced soon. Keep checking this space....aur kabhi kabhi is blog ki 'advertisement' par bhi click kiya karo....support this blog

Back @ XLRI

2008-06-15T10:47:00.001+05:30

After spending two hectic months in Mumbai, I have finally arrived at XL.
Feels so great to be back on campus..Life is good.. m lovin' it.

PS - Is it just a coincidence that every time I step out of Howrah Express on Jamshedpur station, that the floodgates of heaven open and the rain pours

A big mistake by Chetan Bhagat

2008-06-15T10:43:00.002+05:30

After a hiatus of over 2 months, I am back ....Think I underwent a writer's block lately.

The reviews which self had got for Chetan Bhagat’s latest try at fiction were less than satisfactory. Yet, availability of the book with my roommate and me being f*king free made me take the risk of venturing through this pathetic piece which is nothing but a forceful attempt at amalgamating three of the most controversial and hot topics of contemporary India. Business, Cricket and Religion and its an absolute no brainer to be able to reckon that Religion is linked to Politics. Yaa, he also tried to bring in an unwarranted romantic angle, an unparalleled description of ‘sex scene’, barring which I would have finished the book in an hour and not two ;)

Believe its time that B-schoolers limit their extravaganza with literature to their soporific B school tales and not venture out to unknown realms of engaging fiction.

CB like his previous two novels succeeds in painting his characters alive without pursuing a descriptive mode. Yet the novel fails to grip the readers’ attention and lacks the creation of an engagement. The three central characters ( 3 friends) start a common business with a different personal motive. CB fails to capture the entrepreneur spirit of Gujarat by a mile, or rather may I say by a thousand miles. The characters in the novel decide to start their business due to lack of any other options, an absolutely false representation of the Gujju mindset. The fairy tale ‘bollywoodish’ touch on the cricket angle, combined with a weak presentation of the riots and quake makes the book a too shallow read even for fiction amateurs like me. The novel to me at a personal level was even a bigger put down as I am a Gujju and have faced the brunt of the earthquake and the Godhra riots in a much severe way in comparison the characters in the story.

A peep into some my experiences with those two devastating incidents of my life soon.

hmmm

2008-04-03T23:58:00.003+05:30

RK buzzed me today after about 3 years and his first line was ' Hey dude..how many enemies you've made in XLRI ?'
Me - 'Lots', but still very less than I what I had planned for.
RK - ' Oh...thats bad ....really bad.
Me - I know
RK - From where the hell will you draw your energy if you are not having enough enemies.
Me - RK, I think I have changed, or atleast have lost the vigour
RK - You too Brutus...Taking the path of diplomacy...
Me - Maybe, I have lost that gut to fight out.
RK - What the hell makes you think so....
Me - Too many conformists Brutuses around..
RK - Did it ever matter to you...then why now
Me - hmm...i m in a dilemma
RK - What abt. the 'bloody seven'.
Me - hmm....
RK - hmmm....
Me - ( Changing the topic)..will be leaving soon for my summers to Delhi and then to Mumbai..
RK - Going to Gujarat
Me - Not till September
RK - Busy ?
Me - Damn damn busy.
RK - Planning to take that big shot
Me - Not sure...Too risky for me now
RK - What abt. Bloody seven
Me - hmmm.
RK - Do you wanna say something
Me - m sorry
RK - just wish you could turn back to our fight ..its 3 years now. If you wanna fight some day, or your goals have changed.
Me - The rebel is alive, but asleep
RK - Its 3 years now.
Me - hmm
RK - hmm.. ( after a long pause)
Me - Where are you
RK - in jamshedpur
Me - What....u in the same city ?
RK - Came to meet u.
Me - (after a long pause) hmmm...
RK - May be, some other time we will meet
Me - I wish so ..
RK - Really ???
Me - hmmm
.......and the conversation ended..
Indeed, words are poor conveyors, the heart knows itself

heeee....heeee

2008-03-21T20:10:00.002+05:30

Some people can't open their mouth without reducing something from the sum of human knowledge. ( no prizes or prices for guessing that 'some people'..such a sitter of a puzzle). Its quite similar to Rakhi sawant not being able to act without showing some skin. Then who the hell looks in for acting.... and then who the hell looks in for knowledge. But a wise idiot sitting next to me says, ' Miss Rakhi Sawant is a vamp and by showing her skin will remain an vamp.' hmmmm.....well, the conclusion by the rationale of analogy isn't quite unexpected. Why r u giving that smirk ? Did I wrote something unparliamentary ?

PS : Recent Research suggested that 'cats' can get cancer if exposed to mobile phones. I am still thinking as to why would anybody call them up ?

aise hi BAK BAK

2008-03-21T03:14:00.002+05:30

The sounds of "We will....We will ...Rock You' jeers from the late night party going on. As I have given up almost all the wordly pleasures including the temptation for tasting the heavenly fluids, I sit here in my room with my favorite lizard 'dhanno' as she goes around fulfilling her daily dietary requirement.

The overgrown beard, not just the result of the highly hectic schedule but the utter lack of self consciousness has in the recent days been the primary reason behind people applauding :) me with a variety of titles, the latest being of a suicide bomber. How interesting...But am yet to find a cause to die for. Hope I am able to discover the reason to live for very soon. And yaa...I just now murdered a mosquito which was trying to nest itself in my beard. Dare u mosquitoes try that again.... !!!

I have recently deleted my orkut account and got suddenly perplexed when I watched the no. of friends online on my Gtalk list appearing in just two digits. Need I mention that I had 645 friends in my orkut account. So, after being questioned by tons of sympathising mates about the reason for deleting the orkut account and the utter absence of same with me, made me really think for a moment ' why the hell did I really deleted my orkut account. May be I was tired of replying " I am fantastic' to all those once in a blue moon visitors with a question ' hey dude...wass up" or may be I just wanted to declutter. But I may start my orkut account again after some time, and this time it will be with a very specific purpose.

I recently also closed down my rediff account as I got sick of the umpteen mails ( 255 in the last one month) from consultants offering me a plethora of prospective jobs.

And yaa, after umpteen requests and even threats, I have decided that I'll finally equip myself with a cell after a month or so. Till then, mailte rahena....

kuch naa kaho...!!! kuch bhi naa kaho !!!!!

2008-02-26T00:03:00.003+05:30

Me sitting on the the stairs in the college lawn having a cup of tea. A mob suddenly takes control of the lawn and the dunking party begins. Like Gabbarsingh, I asked a fellow comrade ' kab hai holi'.....22nd march ..came the reply ....i saw, i smirked, I sobed.

BHOOOOM.....I got shocked hearing this horrific sound and rushed out assuming emergency. No, it was just that somebody had turned on a 4 ft. speaker just outside my window. Thought to remind them that there was some human habitation in the vicinity of the speakers, but didn't expect brotherhood from them.

The drinking orgy has been given legal dominion. As loud music jeers, some tap on the dance floor, some 'somewhere else'....The long holy and watery nights seem to transcend boundaries....boundaries which need to be sacrosanct.. boundaries that need to be maintained....boundaries that need to be respected...But the boundaries is getting a bit too hazy here...seems it is mutual

someone asked me whether i care to perform on the seniors nite....somehow controlled my literarcy richness from flowing out.

Few days back the dramatics society had a play based on Godhra riots.....clenched my fists when a mob of shamelessly inhumane idiots said ' Wow...What a nice play...really enjoyed it...? Why didn't you come ?'

I really wonder at times, whether I am pursuing a PG course

Well, Few things never change. Few things we never intend to change. We call it "XL Culture'....

PS - hope i safe from chickenpox....

Dreams are nobody's monopoly

2008-02-20T17:59:00.002+05:30

About 6 years back while doing TP on the last bench in a Production Lab, RT asked me ' If you are assured that you wouldn't fail, what would you do '...I didn't have any answer than..Just told RT that I'll buy lottery tickets. RT, raising his eyebrows said the most valued lines ' Just do it' whatever you wanna do and don't give a damn whether you'll fail or not.... Not to mention, I got so impressed by his gyaan that I walked out of the lab. and yaa I didn't fail in Production... Btw there were rumours, that JJ who was also overhearing this got inspired by RT's gyaan and proposed some 'maal' from the junior batch that day, though I am unsure of his success :)

Infact, most of the things we pursue just don't matter. And at times, we don't have the guts to pursue what matters most to us. The feeling of failure overwhelms many a brave hearts. That courage to dream, and dream big, and pursue it wholeheartedly seems to be a rare commodity.

Do you dare to dream ?

May be, I now have found a dream to pursue, an answer to RT's question...and I hope even JJ has..

PS - think i'll be able to complete that poem now.

bakar

2008-02-10T12:36:00.000+05:30

My encounter with Operations Research was a disaster. Getting more than 10 % in this test would be nothing short of miracle for me. Considering that Operations Research was my elective during my engineering days ( yaa...those good old old days in 2002) it was even more disturbing, but not that shocking, as I am now a bit habituated to such shocks.

Its election time at XL. But the vigour, the passion is missing from the process and some of the candidates. It just seems so banal, so hackneyed relative to the engineering college elections. No lobbying, no hardliners, no kidnappings, no threats, no posters, no campaign, no clear strong stands taken ..., just basketsful of unwarranted bullshit diplomacy. Its just ' We will look into the matter' :)...'If required, we will do it'..' XL is one of the best B-schools'...holy damn, what a new finding. 'XLRI brand should be promoted'...gosh...that seems to be conclusion of some thorough research.....'Infrastructure will be improved'....yup, thats the problem with India too... As a friend aptly said ' yeh sabko pata hai, bandar paisa lene se pahele kitna nachta hai, aur paisa lene ke baad kitna nachta hai'

But I am not cribbing. Its 'XL tradition'. It feels so good passing on some useless practices and customs in the name of 'tradition'...

I watched 'Mithunda's Gunda' few days back..no..cudn't watch the complete movie...And if you think that you have watched a 'sada hua movie', you are utterly wrong, if you haven't watched this movie....laagi sart ?

PS - and why the hell am i getting this umpteen friend requests from random ppl. on orkut nowadays....yeh kuch friendship month chal raha hai kyaa...

Shapeless musings V

2008-02-02T21:43:00.000+05:30

A string of unsignificant events unfold now and then, but somehow I ain't able to resist the temptation of indulging in it. There aren't really many things which indeed matter to me. I ain't able to really cherish those sudden spurts of joy which emerged suddenly from nowhere. Every fleeting moment makes me evaluate myself on an uncompromising matrix. I know, I lag behind. Yet those events, no matter how insignificant they may be, unravel the core enthusiast in me. I try to look deep in my reflection in that almost stained mirror. Even in that darkness, I could feel the undercurrents shaping up in the form of unmet desires, but I continue to rejoice those moments of unfluttering attitude. That sense of urgency which had been UPS's hallmark has deserted me. That knack of turning things around every time when the going gets tough, rather tougher has been on the backfoot ever since I landed here. That will to fight, and fight hard, the ever burning fire to compete all out has seems to have gather some rust. I know that this is not at all the place to fight or compete. Even I mock the calibre of the opposition. What left unsaid, better be unsaid. But then maybe I need to prove myself, not to anyone else, but at least to me.

Strategy - my take on Porter II

2008-01-26T19:09:00.000+05:30

Porter 5 forces model for analysis of 'industry', as I mentioned in the previous post has been widely acclaimed and acknowledged, though there are some gaps which make the model less than good for all purposes of application.

Firstly, Porter fails to mention what constitutes an industry. This definition of industry can however can be adopted quite well from the concept of 'strategic groups'.

Secondly, as Porter mentions about the threat of substitutes, he fails to objectively provide any framework for assessing the 'extent of substitution' to be considered. Also, though Porter gets into depth of determining importance to be assigned to substitutes based on price-performance levels, he fails to capture the dynamicity of 'substitute products' i.e. a distant substitute of today can be a more direct threat in the future and vica versa.

Thirdly, entire Porter's model fails to consider the 5 forces from a constantly changing level. A 'scenario planning' tool used by Royal Dutch Shell is the only currently widely accepted tool for aid in developing strategies based on future possible scenarios.

Fourthly, Porter's model tends to serve only at the 'firm' level ( to be more precise..for individual product / specific product business unit) but is not replicable at the Corporate level. This limits its use for most of the companies in today's world as they are in more than products.

Last but not the least, though Porter's 5 forces model takes encapsulates 'substitutes', on prima facie atleast, there is no mention of 'alternatives' which pose a significant big threat compared to substitutes. An 'alternate' as I define, is an outright change/ vanishing of a particular need of the consumer, either voluntary or not. A complete ban by the government on the tobacco products / liquor products would be a case on involuntary alternative of 'no tobacco/ liquor'. Also, the evolution of alternates creates markets for new and innovative products.

PS - I know its kind of boring to have 3 posts on the subject of strategy...no more strategy now...porter ki kasaam

Strategy - my take on Porter

2008-01-26T17:50:00.000+05:30

Porter with his 5 forces model made a lasting impact on the approach towards strategy formulation. His earlier writing regarding IO approach, competitive strategy and competitive advantage have also been well accepted across the academia and industry for quite many years now.

However, there is a significant extent of eclectism among the various theories propounded by Michael Porter, though the same can be said to be consistent with balanced pluralism in terms of drawing from basic economics.

Porter chooses to conceptualize the 'firm' in different ways depending on the actual purpose of its utilization. He conceptualizes 'firm' in the context of 'Production function' when trying to grapple with industry level phenomenon. He uses it as a 'Value chain' when trying to grapple with firm specific sources of competitive advantage and as a repository of knowledge and 'innovating entity while constructing his diamond framework.

Unfortunately, though the integration remains on the levels of loose framework and an absence of any attempt whether his above stated different theories are compatible at deeper levels.

Porter also fails to provide any agruments that the basic IO is consistent with industry evaluation nor does he draw on any basic research.

The underlying resource endowments that allows firms to carry out their strategic plans are not seriously analyzed, and an analysis of how and why the specific resource endowment should be there is missing from Porter writings.

Though there aren't as well accepted models in the field of strategy as that of Porter's, focussing only on what I may take the liberty to call ' a figment of Porter's imagination' underlines the need for a more balanced and integrated approach to the subject and practice of strategy.

someone listening....????

PS - Strategy is not an art. Neither is it a pure science. They say its an assortmenet of different streams, but I differ. It is still a concept, a figment of one's imagination. And accepting someone's imagination ( read Porter's) indicates lack of imagination on the part of strategist.

Rest ALL is strategy

2008-01-24T22:26:00.000+05:30

There aren't many things in this world which have the potential to piss me off. But our class sessions in the strategy course are an exception. I enter the class with a clear perspective and many specific questions. I come out with a more confused outlook and unanswered questions. I wonder how can one be so flawed in data, eccentric in reasoning, untouched by reality, erroneous in approach yet conventional in ideas. I wonder how can one be so superficial in understanding the basics of some well debated articles, yet take the articles on its face value and not objectively evaluate it. I wonder how one can speak with so damn confidence though his statements are based on nothing but intuitiveness rather than following a particular approach, and the utter convictions shown during defending one's intuition have been rather exemplary, though unwarranted.

Management strategies haven't been drawn from models. The models have been based on successful strategies. However, till date academia has used lag indicators to assess the successful strategy. i.e. Once a strategy has resulted into success ( read success in financial performance), then its is ATTRIBUTED to a no. of factors such as company's strategy, leadership, work culture and other crap. But our artful learned writers intentionally and at times unintentionally, tend to write as if this factors have contributed to success ( in terms of financial performance). This HALO EFFECT ( dekha....i know OB, though I missed the top grade by a fraction of a mark) of judging whether a strategy and other factors were good or bad from the financial performance has created much disservice to the field of management. Cisco for example had heaps of praises about its work culture and strategy in the late nineties when its financial performance was good.. great leadership, great work culture, truly innovative, fantastic marketing strategy.. Come 2001..the financial performance dips ...The people who earlier defined its leadership as charismatic termed it arrogant, the work culture which was praised as innovation driven suddenly became 'uncontrolled chaos'..and so on, though nothing had really changed in Cisco's way of functioning. Analysts and theorists' ability to fit examples to their own intutive theories, which have been the result of their figment of imagination and skewed research, deserves a salute. Tata Motors was criticised in 2000 when it registered huge losses , but suddenly became the epitome of best practices for many business writers in 2004 when its financials improve. The so called learned writers are supposed to define what contributes to a successful strategy, but they in hindsight or at times intentionally rather evaluate the factors as 'good / bad' or 'successful/not successful' by attributing financial success to them.

Also, many a times people try to classify their strategy or rather force fit their strategy into a particular model to articulate it better. 40 years back some great genius said ' The only two ways an organization gains competitive advantage is either cost leadership or differentiation leadership. Over the next f*king 40 years, people came out a myriad of other ways of establishing sustainable competitive advantage, say penetrating distribution channels, focussing on a narrow group, innovative marketing, counter culture trends, quality focussed...but some idiots try to force fit all this strategies under the same headings of 'cost leadership' and 'differentiation leadership'....Seems as if the wave of making 'complex' things 'simple' has been overstretched too far.

And we bunch of idiots derive our understanding from such super idiotic stuff.....

Let clear thinking prevail. Amen !!

PS : That you are right and those Porter & party are wrong is not too strong an assumption to make, provided you first fully understand what Porter & party really meant ....

PSS : The only thing that matters is 'money today' and 'more money' tomorrow. 'Rest ALL' is strategy - the only thing I wrote in my diary in the last strategy class.

PSSS : oops...cudn't bring out all my frustation in French....( m yet to learn any French abuses..faculty ne sikhaya hi nahi inspite of innumerable requests)...but the next post for sure gonna be in French.....sacchi...

merci

An encounter with JJ

2008-01-23T17:04:00.001+05:30

I didn't wanted to pursue the French course, for which self had registered at what I consider the 'dumbest moment of my life'. So, here's the conversation between me and the dean's secy (JJ) as I try to escape from this self invited torture of french classes.

JJ : Why didn't you attend the 'French' classes yesterday ?
Me: I had just registered for the course. But I hadn't paid the fees, so I thought my registration would be cancelled.
JJ : But I hadn't send any notice that your registration was cancelled
Me : But I also didn't receive any communication that my registration wasn't cancelled inspite of not paying the fees.
JJ : Why didn't you pay the fees in the first place ?
Me : I didn't have any cheques for paying the fees. I lused to live on cash.
JJ : okie....you may submit the cheque now to the accounts department. Hope you are having the cheque now.
Me : Sure madam, I do have a cheque now.. But I told you naa, I used to live on cash. So, I don't have any cash in hand now and no balance in the bank too.. How about paying the fees as soon as I get my first salary ( thats more than one year from now )
JJ : okie...i got it now....you may start attending the lectures... don't worry about the fees, but please be regular in your 'french' classes. Attendance is compulsory for it.

So, poor me is now forced to attend 3 hours of french classes, apart from my regular 6 hours of main course everyday.

Moral of the story : Never mess with a sec'y.... they are more smarter than you think.

and yes, my next post is going to be in french....vrai, je parle francais. bon jour
PS : I paid the fees today for the French course

Too much

2008-01-20T20:52:00.000+05:30

They say I crib too much.
They say I talk too much.
They say I read too much.
They say I sleep too much.
They say I smoke too much.
They say I fight too much.
They say I write too much.

I say 'F.O...Its too much.'

title zaruri hai kyaa

2008-01-20T19:51:00.001+05:30

The grind begins tomorrow. With 4 lectures per day and the pleothera of case studies I am soon going to be in 'eternally busy - dare u disturb' mode. I spend today's evening roaming about in sakchi and trying to catch a glimpse of the human civilization which exists beyond XL. My life at XL has been confined to my room for sleeping, the lecture hall ( yaa...for sound sleep), Dadu's for my daily dietary requirement and that corner room in the library wherein I spend long hours in the maze created by over 55000 books and umpteen other journals. I meet the same ppl., cribbing all the time, those fake laughs over inconsequential tidbits, those same mediocre discussions, those forceful smiles and smirks, those irrelevant pressues which we build on ourselves, those undeterminate urgency for assignments, those last moment rushes of adrenalin, those clumsy parties and all those unwarranted heaps of diplomacy. But somehow, I have started enjoying it. Though my quench for intellect has been less than satisfied, I have developed a sort of liking for this surrogate life. I continue to be in a flux regarding my beliefs on the relevance of this endeavour at XL.

Hope I'll soon cut through the clutter and clear thinking will prevail. Amen !!!

PS - I somehow exercised extreme control in the Strategy class yesterday when the faculty again raised the question ' What is strategy ?' No, I wasn't going to say it is bullshit..have already said it once...I have refined my answer to be more politically correct. It is 'Strategy is a concept. It is a figment of one's imagination.'

Shapeless Musings IV

2008-01-18T21:27:00.000+05:30

I fell asleep ..again...Some fears that had been submerged within my ultra busy schedule returned again to torment me. Some haunting memories flashed through my mind as I woke up in a state of utter disarray. I clenched the shawl as hard as I could with my hands, but felt self to weak to cling on to it. I looked around and seeing myself in the same so familiar so known room breathed a sigh of relief as my heart sank into my stomach. I just felt like that nearby tainted bottle of water whom nobody in the first look, can make out whether its full or empty. I tried to reach out for the bottle, but it was too far for me to reach. I looked up at the ceiling. No, it wasn't falling down. My dear fan, now giving me a perplexed look had a thousand questions, but I just didn't have any answer. I looked at my laptop screen and the familiar sight of a few dozen offline messages did lend the 'much required now' routinous familiarity. I skimmed through non pertinent 'sms's on my cell but all urgency seem irrelevant to me. The dark sky artfully lended a deceptive hue to camouflage the early morning hours. I tried to cry out loud, but cudn't. I closed my eyes as hard as I can, but the haunting scenes were still gushing afresh. The chilling air made a way through my now clenched fists. I craved for warmth and grasped the shawl with all my strength. I felt the cold air brushing my toes, but couldn't help. The cringing sound of the door resonated in my ears, as it fought with the cold, trying to protect me. I kicked with all my life to get up, but in vain. Again I tried to cry, but may be the tears were freezed within. I went to sleep ...again...

I am waiting to wake up.. And they say...I need to wake up soon...maybe sooner.

Its three years now...and yaa..I have woken up now..ready to fight that cold without a speck of fear head on....Let the trumpets blow.

From 'Shapeless musings' ...written by self on 20th Jan., 05

Quote of the day

2008-01-11T22:39:00.000+05:30

'Strategy is bullshit' - my first words in the first strategy lecture.. Hope they are not the last words in the last lecture.

Flush it.

My new year resolutions

2008-01-07T18:02:00.000+05:30

With this New Year begins a new term at XLRI. The last term was an absolute nightmare. With the summer internship process, wherein I had the worst time of my life…( haan bhai haaan, I know …abhi aage bahut kuch aanewala hai), and made me even curse myself on the decision to join the best private B school of the country for a moment and doubt the fairness and genuineness ( I still do.. ) of the entire process, to the absolute crap work we bunch of idiots did during our marketing project. This marketing project when combined with the handicraft skills I developed during the more crappier and absolutely shit MAXI fair made me nominate self for the award of stupid of the year, but as always I lost. This year I lost hands down to the Pakistani media who garlanded late Benazir Bhutto as the role model of democratic ideals even after she mentioned in her will that she wanted her son ‘Bilawal’ ( nice name) to be heading her political party. Maybe, in Pakistan the party president isn’t elected, its done by the will of Party President. (In India, it’s not much different either). Last year I lost to CITU when it tried to bring the IT sector employees under its gamut. Unfortunately, the CPM Politburo didn't give much of a fight except during the mindless random ramblings on every god damn important issue for the country. All communists aren’t fools, but how come all fools are communists ???

I’ve also made few resolutions for the new year and for the new term such as to regularly get notes of my nice, loving, charming, adorable, beautiful, sexy, generous, intelligent, genius friends photocopied time to time. I am also going to keep motivating all my group mates in all projects to put in their best efforts towards doing a nice project ( hey….c…now I need to develop my f*king dipolomatic skills too.....). I have also decided that I will be definitely attending more than 75 % of the morning 8 30 lectures this term. ... .kuch jyada ho gaya naa...okie ..lets make it 60 %. I’ve also decided that I will be reducing my avg. daily expenditure at the Dadu’s by 25 %. I have already scored many a double centuries in the last term. And yaa, I am surely gonna reduce on my OMAXI dues (sacchhi…. okiee….maybe some flexibility permitted in this resolution). I am surely going to find sometime to entertain myself ( that doesn’t mean I find time to entertain others…hey....u ....c'mon not that way...u pervert) and treat myself to some bollywood flicks.. m yet to catch on OSO & Tarre zameen par…haan bhai, I m still damn busy ( pyaar aur padhai ke siwa bhi hazaar kaam hai zindagi mein). I will also be pursuing my interests in photography soon…so all you XL ki billiya…oops..I mean kudiyaan..get ready to get clicked. I also intend to switch from TOI to HT after pounding my head on the nearby wall while reading TOI as the standard of English therein has been off late been even worse than that on my blog. I wondered how a tennis player got injured on her ‘upper leg’…gosh…again... u're indeed a pervert!!! I never knew about this anatomically wonderful part which tennis players possess. The quality of language has been so abysmally low in TOI in recent times that even American friends can now find errors in it. I intend to further cut down on my chatting time. I’ve already stopped chatting on Gtalk except for the very special/ emergency purposes or special persons. With over 800 dear friends in my list therein and about 150-200 ready anytime to discuss with me wide ranging issues from the economic reforms in the animal husbandry of Rwanda to the impact of the subprime crisis in US on the tourism industry in Costa De Rica and even the unaddressed areas in the governmental program on rejuvenating the vanishing Bolivian dance styles to the effect of rise in coastal temperatures on the reproductive cycles of the sea turtles to the effect of excess SOx in flue gases on the reheater tubes in supercritical boiler to the changes in ADB funding guidelines for infrastructure projects, I find myself at little bit pressed for time ( yaa..just a little bit..you moron) for chatting with you. Also, I am gonna continue with the dubious distinction of being the only moron on campus who doesn’t use a cell phone.

This term I am having ‘Corporate Social and Environmental Responsibility’ as a subject. What crap…Turbulent times ahead in the lecture hall.

Hope you accomplish all your new year resolutions. Amen !

PS : I somehow missed to register myself for Term II. But will surely get self register for term III.

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T21:57:00.000+05:30

oye....sabse pahele is blog par timepass karne ke liye tapak padne wale sabhi to nav varsh ki hardik shubh kamnayee.. btw, jab apun yeh ghis raha hai, tab tak new year shuru nahi huaa....advance mein wish kiya hai mamu..samjha kya...

The clock strikes 10. Suddenly the melodious tune on my alarm clock wakes me up from my power nap. Its still quite a few hrs. left for the new year to arrive. What the f*&* am I doing at this time here in front this computer. Infact self had been bombasted with the question on what am I going to do on this new year eve. Any guesses..? Okie...your first guess of me been on a wet nite is outrightly rejected. Nope..I ain't in Gujarat ( as if it mattered for wet nites :) ). Nope, I am not going to rock and 'roll' out there with some buggers. A 'night-out' at the 'coolest' spicy locations in the town ...nope...not at all.. And I am definitely not reading Kafka or Coetze or Milton...Not even Aristotle. I finished reading his 'Power & Politics' yesterday. 'Kane & Abel' of Jeffrey Archer is next on the list, but I prefer to start that sometime later next month. Nope ..u loser..m not writing any more poems...don't u know i gave up writing poems...bloody crapp... no shapeless musings ......no watching TV either, or playing 'games' on lappie.. and definitely i am not out 'bird watching'

Yes, i m again on those one day trips at places which are never ever mentioned on any of the maps...miles away from the hustle and bustle of the cities....where even reaching the place takes an effort, but the beatific intense silence here is worth it. Can once again see those thousands of stars which I somehow missed on the city sky. Think this is the first time in last few yearss that I am not on an official tour on new year eve. Gonna enjoy it fully...and yaa...i m gonna see more falling stars today..have baskets 'full' of wishes for the upcoming year. Cheers !!! Have a rockin' year ..bole to HAPPY NEW YEAR

PS : I'll be back soon

PSS : I have nothing more to say..har post mein yeh 'PS / PSS' likhna zaruri hai kya ....tum bhi naa...!!!

HYPOTHETICAL

2007-12-14T16:36:00.000+05:30

This term in Economics, we had to write a paper of about 750 words on any contemporary macroeconomic matter for getting an extra credit. Yup, I did write...and indeed write 31 pages for it ( kya bola re tu... haan re...apun ka satak gaya tha). No prizes for guessing that the topic of this brilliant paper was 'Countering carbon'. In my production assignment last term, I had wrote about the mechanisms of carbon trading in details. Herein , I blasted ( need i say ' no words minced') the very logic behind carbon trading and have made a case for shifting to carbon tax. An absolutely dumb but dear friend yesterday dismissed the idea mentioning that the concept of carbon tax is at best 'HYPOTHETICAL'

What hypothetical...u f$%$&^* crappy idiot...Read this twice, and then if you still consider carbon tax 'HYPOTHETICAL', I'll pay for getting your brain being kept next to Einstein in the museum, but for entirely opposite reasons.

- In the summer of 2003, New Zealand government was considering a ‘flatulence tax’ to be levied on farmers with livestock. (the fart by the livestock consists of a certain proportion of polluting gases) With four million people, 45 million sheep and around 10 million cattle, New Zealand’s animals are reportedly responsible for more than 40 percent of the total greenhouse gases produced in the country. ---So, Farters beware !!! aur muli ke parathe khaana bandh karo...samje. New Zealand has infact, implemented a carbon tax since 2005.

- The Quebec government just announced plans to levy a broad carbon tax against oil and gas companies as a way of financing what it calls a $1.2 billion Green Fund over the next six years to help control the province's greenhouse gas emissions and meet its Kyoto target.

- And the notion is getting something of an international hearing courtesy of Al Gore, the former Democratic party presidential candidate who is now trumpeting the idea of a broad-based carbon tax with his new documentary about climate change, An Inconvenient Truth.

May be the Carbon Tax can be renamed the “Green Tax”, after all Carbon seems much too a dirty word for politics.

PS -The Rajnikant Birthday celebration by TAXI was good...cud have been better if I would have got a slice of the cake :(. I don't understand the reason why 'RanjitHa' and 'SangitHa' and all their brothers and sisters keep on visiting my orkut profile yet never making a scrap...It seems like I am receiving blank calls from half the population of Chennai.

PSS - Congrats to Ratin for taking the initiative and starting the stock tips group...hope it goes full gear in the next term. btw, XLers have already started manipulating the market in a never seen, never heard, never thought manner...Hats off to Captain & his group. Which company are you acquiring next ?

PSSS - M gonna atttend marketing lecture tomorrow ( subject to conditions) after eons of years. I dropped the idea of taking up 'French ' next term...I think I better take up 'English' under Fr. Jesurajan. :)

muzhe woh kitaab chahiye

2007-11-21T14:42:00.000+05:30

Lately, I have been trying to get my hands on a literary classic which I haven't been able to find in most of the 'prime' libraries in most of the cities I have visited. So, yesterday I googled to find out the book and surprisingly among the first few entries displayed I came across a newsarticle from 'Telegraph' which also featured a very familiar name. I clicked on that entry to find that indeed it was about a familiar 'gentleman' who stays at XLRI and this gentleman has the book I am so desperately looking for. Now, One may go and ask that book from him but then one may not agree to lend it to me...

Wondering, whoz that...well...just read this article from 'Telegraph'..
QUOTE -
A nail-biting finish to a cricket match does not impress him. Neither does masala Bollywood movies. For Tamonas Gangopadhyay, professor of qualitative technique and systems selective, XLRI, what matters most is words. Nothing holds more significance than the fine print. His collection of over 3,000 books is his prized possession and Tamonas has found a new world for himself in them.
Walk into his office and you will find more in this man’s booty. A PHD in mathematics, he loves Coetze as much as he adores the Brahms. He prizes his complete collection of Kafka just like he can’t get over Beethoven.
A man with a classy taste in literature and music, Tamonas says, “Pulp fiction is not my kind of stuff.” And why not, for one who has tasted the richness of literary novels like Coetze’s “Disgrace” and “Waiting for the Barbarians” and Marcel Proust’s “Remembrance of Things Past”, anything short of it is not good enough.
“The originality of idea, the aesthetic mature of his writing and the stylistic aspects of Kafka bowled me over. And as for Proust, the seven volume work of about 4,200 pages gave me an unparalleled literary treat. I must say I have not chanced upon such unconventional experiments in any author,” he admits. , says Tamonas, a dreamy smile flitting across his face.
Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, Tamonas was introduced to literature, culture and painting by his father. “My grand collection of books is part of a family heirloom. Previously I used to travel a lot to buy books for my collection mainly because there weren’t any good bookshops in Calcutta. But now Landmark in Calcutta is my favourite book-hunting spot. Besides, I also like the collection at Bookworm in Khan market Delhi and Crosswords at Delhi and Bombay,” Tamonas explains.
To this professor of many parts the definition of pleasure and fun is rather unconventional.
“I am not among those who thrive on material possessions. Yes, you can say I will give in to the temptation of a 29-inch television simply because it will ensure better viewing . But too much of socialising is not my cup of tea. I love to spend my time reading instead. I personally feel literature cannot be understood without knowing the history behind it. It is the same with music,” he adds.
His daughter Jagriti, a student of Class XI, too swears by books. “My family comprises avid readers so we spend a lot of time together engrossed in books. Of late I have introduced my daughter to the works of Tolstoy and Dotoevsky and she seems to loves it. Literature is not just stories but the entire world compressed in words. It encompasses the social, historically and economical history of our times.”
Tamonas enjoys his Solhello or Jaques Berzun reclining on the bed in his study-cum-bedroom which has on display all his collection well kept in a glass case. “The reading habit is dying. People rarely read books leave alone buying them. Take for example the book fair in the city and you will find nothing beyond a few technical or children’s books. But then each to their own. Some people are interested in the share market, some in politics and some like me thrive on literature. I have changed with the books I have read. And in this evolution I have identified myself more with the authors than the characters or situations. That is perhaps because with time even literature evolves.”
Drawing a parallel between mathematics and music, Tamonas explains, “Discrete mathematics and music go hand in hand. Music which can be categorised into rhythm, melody and harmony is based on mathematical concepts. For instance, Indian classical music does not have much harmony while it is predominant in western classical music. In the West, great mathematicians have a strange penchant for music.” In a league of his own that’s Tamonas Gangopadhyay for you.
- UNQUOTE.

No marks for finding the probability of me going to borrow the book from Dr. T. Gangopadhyay :)

Any QT toppers volunteering for help ?

PS - sorry .. Kuttas at XL delayed.
PSS - Passing the course in Financial management - I is gonna be damn tough for me. Unlike some of my fellow mates with a high a romantic quotient, I fail to understand the logic of portfolio diversification and believe in investing in a single fixed income security.

Shapeless musings - III

2007-11-21T13:57:00.000+05:30

I am sleeping for more than 12 hrs. a day, watching a movie everyday and yet I am damn damn busy. So busy I wudn't call up my loved ones, so busy i won't care to return the books I took eons of days back from the library, so busy I won't try to make my room a tinge cleaner, so busy I won't collect my stuff which hoards about 5 other friends room in this hostel. So, busy I won't write the blog I promised to my friends, so busy that I won't my friends up and say how much I miss them. I am so busy I don't have the time to watch India Pak one dayers, I am so busy that I don't attend any more lectures in the institute, so busy to pay bills to the dhobi and local eatery, so busy I don't have time to read any newspapers or magazines, so busy that I've stopped chatting on the internet, so busy that I don't even collect my answer sheet of the last midterm, so busy i don't give a f*cking damn to the no. of people dying in nandigram, so busy I don't care where the stock market is headed, so busy I won't follow up on my previous companies for my dues, so busy to send a diwali greeting to any of my friends, so busy to loiter out and visit a durga pooja pandal, so busy I don't have time to go the market, so busy to whisper my thoughts in her ears, so busy to share that joke with my friends, so busy to find that time to kill myself, so busy to kill some other idiots around.

But then there are some strange things going around nowadays. The red tinge in the evening sky doesn't mellow down the chirping sparrows anymore. That thunder roar doesn't frighten me anymore. There is a mirage'ous' bridge just ahead of me. I don't wish but yet would be crossing it. The horses are just set loose in their ranch. The wild beast watches them in their fancy as they move gracefully and make a nebulous frenzy of dust around. It watches patiently, silently amid those distant grassy plains sitting behind a pure rivulet which for the time being seems to have suddenly changed its course. The curtains on a old man's window flutter in the wind. A puff of smoke creates a king's crown in the air. A trendy music suddenly turns loud. With truth being rationed, will the empire tumble ?

title nahi suz raha :(

2007-10-24T02:38:00.000+05:30

Dear Friends,

Please do not read this post, as it is specifically written only for my dear Mr. / Ms. Anonymous. Mr. / Ms. anonymous has given a comment on one of my recent posts " XL ki billiya' without disclosing his / her identity. hey..why r u reading this...i told u naa......kisi aur ki chittiya padhna acchi baat nahi hai....school mein master ji ne nahi sikhaya kya. As my poor self isn't aware of any technology to locate mr. / ms. anonymous, i present herewith my response to Mr. / Ms. anonymous's following comment

Anonymous said...
hi.. this post is entirely offensive and meant in bad taste. i suggest you remove it and immediately a it serves no purpose and acts ony as a refelction of a paedophile who is lurking the corners of this institute waiting for his sickly turn

Dear Mr. / Ms. Anonymous.

I hope this letter finds you in pink of your health and fitness. I was really impressed by your comment on my post. Anyways, First things first. Although my blog posts are grammatically as perfect as a reverse sweep by Harbhajan, yet for the sake of language I would like to kindly suggest (or may I 'plead') that 'sickly turn' is an absolute murder of the language.

As your good self has not given me the priviledge of knowing your identity, I find your idea of ‘suggesting' me something, and then praising me with highly unwarranted adjectives viz. paedolofile ( oops….i’m so bad in speellings) seems to be the creation of a person bestowed with unparalleled showers of stupidity.

I know my sense of humour is as great as sunny deol's dance, but ( again but...)I expected readers of this blog to have a brain slightly bigger than the size of a mosquito egg to appreciate this as just one another post written for the only purpose of some light hearted banter.

But ( again this buts naaa….) considering that you've taken it so seriously, my imaginations of guessing your identity seems to point towards that smiling idiot who looks like an envelope without an address on it. Or may be you are that highly modest clown with so much to be modest about. Considering my limited interactions with you, I fail to judge whether you are always so stupid, or was this just a special occasion. Though many normal specimens have an ultra strong urge to hit you hard in your face, but improving your looks for free doesn’t make good business sense, in whatsoever business one is.

Despite my best efforts, I fail to make any conclusion towards your identity Mr. / Ms. Anonymous. Anyways, I would be utmost glad to remove the post from my blog, subject to you coming out of anonymity.

I may have 'heaps' of differences with your thoughts, but I'll defend your right to speak up and express your views with my utmost might, if (....yaa, again this ifs and buts. I hate ifs, but love butts) I could have known your good self Mr./ Ms. Anonymous.
I mean what I say and I say what I mean.

Cheers,

The chaotic mind.

Disclaimer : "XL ki billiya' post bears no resemblance with any cat living or dead. In case of any such partial or full resemblance, it should be considered as purely coincidental.

PS: hey, did you notice, I m getting good at writing disclaimers . J
PSS : I have got a bit too religious nowadays and am regularly watching Ramayan – Ram laxman janki, jai bolo dasrath ki. ( oops..i mean hanuman ? ki)

I AM NOT GAY

2007-10-10T01:41:00.000+05:30

I have heard my professors time and again emphasizing on the diversity of our batch. As I browse through some recent management journals ( haan bhai haan…apun XLRI mein padhte badhte bhi hai), I feel that every Tom, Dick and Harry has suddenly been blessed by the ‘Atma Gyaan’ of the importance and essentiality of diversity in today’s modern day management. Watching the starcasts of some recent bollywood flicks, I am sure that even Ramu, Dhawan and Barjadtya have been reading some management books of late rather than ‘filmy’ scripts. Hmmm…hmm……Oops… I just forgot the point why I started writing this post at one in the night, inspite of having a few thousand tones of management books to read. Yeh filmi log bhi naa, sab kuch bhula dete hai…Anyways, I will carry on with some other bullshit.

I have been indeed wondering on the diversity of the orkut members since the day I opened an orkut account, due to the unparalleled diversity of the ‘recent visitors’ on my orkut profile. The probability of me knowing atleast one of the five members displayed in the recent visitors section is as high as the probability of Australia cricket team winning a ‘good conduct’ medal multiplied by the probability of Imran kissmi ( I mean Hasmi) not kissing Mallika Sherawat in a forthcoming movie…. (Hmm…..btw, I am desperately searching for a DVD of the film ‘Murder’. If you have it, just send me across …plzzzzzz). Some novel profiles I discovered on my recent visitors list in the past three days are indeed astounding. I am really shocked as to why a cool Latino babe from Brazil would have visited my profile. I get dumbfounded when an octogenarian from Kyrgyzstan peeps out on my recent visitors list. A Polish glassmaker, a paleontologist from Norway and an Israeli farmer ( I know what farming you do, my dear ‘grassy’ pal). A smart Tamilian girl ‘Sunitha’ however is welcome, though I would have preferred her name to be ‘Sunita’. But 'Ranjitha' is definitely not welcome. With her picture missing on the orkut profile, the best way in which I could imagine her is as a twin sister of Rajnikanth, and that too with thick moustaches.

But most of all, I was shocked at the frequency of a particular ‘type of ‘abnormal’ males interested in undergoing some intimate experiences with fellow males. I have absolutely no idea about their happiness quotient, but they are labeled by the society in general as ‘gay’. Finding such creatures with an alarming regularity on my profile made me really wonder whether traits of such ‘man’ly inclination is really abnormal or am I under the false perception of considering myself ‘normal’ with my sexual inclinations towards the fairer sex. A intelligent ‘male’ friend ( no ideas please !) solved the mystery by pointing towards a one liner on my profile, which read ‘ I still love Sachin Tendulkar, I am not gay’. Probably this ‘swingers’ would have made an ineffective use of the Orkut search option by typing ‘ gay’ in the search criteria, and would have been mislead to my profile. I sincerely offer my deepest apologies for putting such lines on my profile, which lead to waste of their highly precious time.

Yet to make my point clear, let me emphatically announce for once and for all that I am not by any farthest stretch of imagination anywhere close to being gay. My physical interests in ‘male’ specimens of Homo Sapiens Sapiens are as high as Rakhi Sawant’s neckline ( ooyee…. you dirty mind, concentrate on reading the post) and the salary of an Indian hockey player. Let me reiterate, I am just happy, not gay. I don’t have any affiliations whatsoever with GALAXY group at XL, and I am ‘cock’sure of it. The chances of my sexual inclinations towards a male counterpart are as bright as an underpaid pornstar in a Thamilian ( I mean Tamilian) porn flick. I don’t have any crush ‘even’ on Shahid Kapoor. I am in strong opposition to gender equality. I prefer a specimen of female human spieces to a male specimen on any day, and even any night. (In fact, more so in the night). Yesterday, I also removed that song from Raj Kapoor’s (are he is the father of Shahid Kapoor’s to be father-in-law) film from my play list. The song went something like this ‘ Aadmi huun, aadmi se pyaar karta huun’. After seeing the intermingling among the Indian cricket team on the ground, when it won the 20-20 world cup, makes me think that contacting them would be more fruitful for the desperate ‘gays’ ( I mean guys) visiting my profile.

PS : All said and done, I still love Sachin Tendulkar.

shapeless musings 2

2007-09-26T02:08:00.000+05:30

The storm has now mellowed. The cavalry of dark clouds smoothly floats over the distant mountain. A lull of serene silence lends a distinct touch to the atmosphere. A gentle blow of air touches my cheek. It is twilight. The rays of the sedate sun struggle to make their way through the maze of clouds to reach the ground. The chirping of the birds suddenly dissipates in this forlorn silence. A stroke of divine brush creates a spectacular rainbow. A circle of black smoke emanicipates from a distant chimney. The waters in the river seem to be backtracking to reach its source like a lady desperate to meet her love whom she had left. A little child runs alongside a tyre in tarnished clothes, as if racing with the river waters. He coos back at the songs of a cuckoo. The red flag on the temple flutters gleefully greeting the dard clouds bid adieu. A piece of broken crockery is discovered by a bright coloured sand trotting mollusc. A pretty girl with her locks falling into her eyes gazes at the varied coloured eastern sky. She throws up her arms to reach and catch hold of the rainbow. An aroma of wet sand adds a tint of fragrance to the surroundings. A drizzle soon follows.

A piece of silk cloth gets strangulated midair in hideous curved branches of the peepal. And then a train whistle breaks this natures' moment of romance. I believe the train needs to carry on with its journey. I wonder which destination is the train headed towards. Is destination the journey or journey the destination? Suddenly, I hear the girls' shrill cry.

What is this life, if full of care.

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stare at a beauty's glance,

And watch how well her feet can dance;

No time to wait till her lips can,

Enrich the smile her eyes began ......

No comments please.

XL ki billiya...

2007-08-19T00:16:00.002+05:30

ORIGINAL CONTENTS OF THIS POST DELETED

Penny wise, Pound foolish

2007-08-14T22:13:00.001+05:30

Well, the title aptly suits the NHAI which comes out with creative bidding guidelines for its BOOT projects. World over, as the project development companies try to bring more objectivity into their bidding documents and guidelines, NHAI seems to go otherwise. The recently issued bidding requirement for the project undertaking agency to share a proportion of profits ( and the way as mentioend in the model concession agreement) with NHAI is the most absurdest thing possible for a road construction project. The creativity doesn't end here. They intend to make the project company pay higher share of revenue incase of the actual traffic is higher than the projected. In case, the actual traffic is lower than the projected, it may lead to increase in lease period. Probably, NHAI may consider this the balancing act, and I term it 'a grotesque debacle in the making'. My friends at NHAI have 'correctly identified' ( as if they didn't knew it earlier) that the major obstacle was getting land buyouts for the project. So, they opted to lower the ceiling of land requirement before issuing 'notice to proceed' from 80 % to 60 %. Probably, they want to postpone facing the known devil to a bit later stage and make the executing agency incur irrecoverable costs till then.

Was that Monteksingh Ahluwalia shouting ' public private partnership ' ? 'F.O.' is gonna be the reply of private construction companies. Hope the real Dr. Singh roars soon ....!!!!

Munnabhai MBA @ XL

2007-07-28T14:29:00.000+05:30

abe oo chapadganju, aise kya ullu ki tarah aankhein faad faad ke padh rahela hai..pahechana nahi kya bidu, ...apun ...munnabhai...aajkal XLRI mein MBA karne ko aayela hai..woh saaala medical college mein us buddhe ghusat asthana se apun ka jaama nahi, to mba karna ko aa gaya. ek din bada aadmi jo ban na hai ...ab tu puchega circuit kaahan hai...? are puch na...tension kay ko leta hai....jo man mein aaaya, puch dalne kaa...woh kya hua, circuit ke short circuit ko sardi ho gayela hai, to apun ne bol diya circuit ko ki tu ekdum bacche ke health ka pura care karne ka...time par dawa-daru sab dene ka. khali pili apun ka tenson nahi lene ka...apun chalta hai na akela hi XL mein..to apun akela hi XL mein MBA karne ko aa gaya. yaahan ka saala sab mastar log bahut hoshiyar hai....bahut saara padhata hai...apun bhi ekdum padhai pe dhyyaan de rahela hai...chana khaata hai, aur padhta hai....baaki sab bhaigiri ekdum bandh. magar phir bhi, kuch subjects mein apun ki ekdum lag raheli hai...

ek din apun ke OB ka professor bola. ki apun ka surprise test honewala hai. apun socha ki saala surprise se test hoga, yaa test mein surprise hoga. baad mein us prof. ne result mein surprise diya. apne life mein pahele se hi itna drama, tragedy, emotion hai ...usmein surprise kyun dalneka...? abhi OB ke prof. ne hi bola tha apun ko ' jo tum sochta hai, wohi sach hai'...bole to angrezi mein ' your perception is reality'. to phir apun itna soch ke sab saach saach jawab diya exam mein, to usne negative marks de diya....magar apun piche nahi hatnewala. bapu ne kaaha tha ki agar tumhe viswas hai ki tum sach ke saath ho, to prof. kya cheez hai, duniya ki koi taakat tumhare saamne tik nahi sakti..'perception is reality'

apun ne ECO ke prof. se puccha...jo kaam apun nahi kiyela hai, uske liye tum apun ko panishment dega kya, mamu ?. woh bola, agar tune nahi kiyela hai, to apun kya yeda ho gayela hai jo tuzko punishment dega. abhi apun ko usne itna bada, woh kya bolte hai ...haan aaaswaaasaan diya, to apun ne bhi bilkul baapu ki maafik sach bak diya. ..apun usko ekdum bindaas hokar bol dala ' ke apun ne homework nahi kiyela hai.." aur prof. ne apun ke grades ki bole to ekdum vaat laga daali....bapu, kaahan ho tum !!! lagta hai, apun ko abhi gandhigiri suru karni padegi..

apun ke MARKETING ke prof. ne kaha ki apun chocolates bechne ka project kare...chocolates ..are yeh saala, lafda ho gaya...agar charas, ganja bechna ho to, apun ka pura network ekdum jamela hai...woh..raju phirki aur fati chaadi ....apun ka j chokra log hai. duniya mein aakhe india ka market leader hai. magar yeh chocolate. apun to kabhi choclate khaya nahi..bas ek bar chinki ne diya tha bachpan mein...!!! to apun sidha bapu ko yaad kiya aur woh fatak dekar tapak gaya. bapu ko chocolate bahut pasand thi, magar bapu ki mummy bapu ko kabhi choclate khane hi nahi deti thi...ekdum nana patekar ki maafik gussa hokar bolti thi...daant sad jayega, to dentist mamu kya tera ristedar lagta hai..achanak apun ka dimaag thanka. apun ne aur bapu ne daant kharab na ho, aisa choclate bana dala..abhi bacche bhi khush, bacche ke maa bhi khush, apun bhi khush, bapu bhi khush, aur woh apne marketing ka prof. bhi fultoo khush..waise 'daant kharab na ho, aur ekdum strong ho jaaye' aisi chocolate kaise banegi aur kaise bikegi, yeh jaanna ho in cadbury aur nestle waloon ko, to apun ke kamre mein 3 peti bhijwa dena..areee ....peti bole to choclate ki peti bidu..tu kya soch rahela tha..

chalo abhi apun ke chana khana ka time ho gaya....baaki subjects aur masterlog ke baare mein phir kabhi...apne bhopu mein abhi gaana baj rahela hai ..' sabka katega..'

My Table

2007-07-28T13:37:00.000+05:30

Today, I have a fresh look over my demented table which hosts scores of correspondances I have made over the past six months and have relegated them to my table owing to their relative sequential insignificance over those which I got filed (by someone else, ofcourse) Yeah…! My table adorns a look as clean as an unowned public toilet across the railway station, except for the fragrance. My table hosts paper forests more dense than that of Amazon, and I am sure Saddam would have been better off hiding admist these unfathomable blocks of papyrus products than some pigeonhole in downtown Iraq. Hey Osama….I am giving ideas.! I make a third attempt in vain to unravel two pages of some sordid three month old correspondances and my probability of finding it out this time is as good as finding strands of silky hair on Anupam Kher’s head. After 30 minutes of a ransack operation, I give up the hope. But as “jo hota hai..acche ke liye…” funda, I have uncovered fossil of my Reynolds pen lid, a strap of stapler pins, a rubber band, a visiting card of an important contact, my salary slips, an unread issue of power line magazine, ear plugs and a box of condoms. Okie…that condom thing is a joke, but I have had tangible returns for my efforts. Well, this is not the first instance, wherein I have lost some important “bunch” of documents. It happens to me with alarming regularity, with frequency more than that of a laughter roar by Siddhu on one more pathetic joke, or Imran Hashmi kissing a cool clad free girl around. (I am seriously thinking of a role switch with him). My work desk boasts of being the messiest (aisa word hai kya) thing in a radius of 2 kms. (Why 2 kms ? Because, my house is at 2 km from office) Maybe, the entire BMC staff can be busy for a whole “cleanliness year”, if they dare to set my room straight. Exotic fragrances galore, as lifeless bodies of beautiful darkly coloured cockroaches and other near extinct species of insects adorn almost every second inch of space. No, I won’t go on any further describing the eternal beautification which I have done to my room. Kisiki nazaar lag jayegi to? My ex-boss once commented to me “Kutte bhi puch (tail) maar kar baith te hai”. For the unintelligible few who can’t comprehend that mundane language , it means that even dogs have a sweep with their tails before they sit”. My reaction was a look at my boss’ desk, an eye of appreciation for its cleanliness and a look at his back. Nope, I couldn’t figure out where the tail was. Unfortunately, as I have evolved a bit further from being a dog to something called Homo Sapien Sapiens ( No, I am not refuting anti-Darwinian God-made-all theory), I feel myself ill equipped to figure out an anatomical part to be used instantly on traces of such mess. So, I continue to remain in whirlwinds of such plethora of papers around me in office, desperately waiting for some sound headed, tail-bottomed gentleman ( lady will also do) to arrive and pull me out of this valley of papers, just as a bollywood macho man picks up this heroine hanging on a single hand on the rocks twenty thousand feet above the ground.

Afterthought 1 - Once Ms. Sandhya said (Hey..No Ideas please, she was my Class I teacher) that Cleanliness is next to Godliness. Probably, I am more close to Devil “ Messiness is next to devilishness”.

Afterthought 2 – I am a strong supporter of Jack Welch’s “Paperless office” concept.

Afterthought 3- To all single and "yet" looking girls out there.....Its just a joke. I am gonna help my to-be-wife in keeping house neat and clean. sacchi...

RACE

2007-06-24T10:54:00.003+05:30

'Few things never change', said so Philip to himself with an enigmatic grin on his face. As he walked restlessly in the corridors of Mumbai's airport, his indifference to the ringing cell disturbed few around. 15,000 miles Rachna, sitting at Heathrow airport with a newspaper in hand, gazing at the glass ceiling slids her hand through her hair. She wants to have coffee but feels too scared to get up. A blue liner lands in the background as Surya gets desperate to have a fag after sitting for over 2 hours at the Baroda flipping through pages of a comic. He feels the touch of sunrays on his hands.

Three people, three locations, three destinations but one aim. The Race for the ultimate begins

ek aur idea...

2007-06-20T12:40:00.000+05:30

Global Warming has been the buzzword today. The unshakeable Mr. Bush has from God knows what corners has become suddenly concerned by the rising levels of Green house gases. A little bird tells me that a cow died due to excessive heat in his Texas ranch (and you blooooody thought that only Indian leaders ? have cows) . In the meantime, Ms. Maneka Gandhi is already busy making plans for an international agitation. C'mon I am not anti-maneka. However, lately this unchallenged 'animal' activist has come out with an environmental concern pertaining to pollution caused by burning dead bodies...(haan bhai haan, muzhe pata hai.....burning live bodies also leads to pollution). Assuming a mortality rate of 1 %, burning approx. 1 crore dead bodies, each requiring about 500 kg . of wood will result in consumption of nearly 5 million tonnnes of wood, and equivalent amount of electricity consumption in modern day crematoriums per year. Alternative means for the same if implemented would go a long way in reducing our emissions. But easier said than done. It looks really too difficult for India, the nation of controversies to make such a drastic shift, especially with religious sentiments running on all time high. Also, alternative means for the same need critical evaluation. Even if feasible alternative means for cremating dead bodies are found, lack of political will and social consensus would always be the major hindrances. I think a way out is to dispose off dead bodies in the open for feeding chils, kuttas and kauvas(bole to crows, u dumbo..hindi nahi aati kya ? ). After all, they are also living beings. Its our moral responsibility to take care of their dietary requirements. I know, none of you, except Ms. Maneka Gandhi will approve of this outstanding idea of mine. hmm..seems one more brilliant idea of mine is gonna go unnoticed. *f&$^- u crappy idiots..!!

PS : A recent research proved severe heart burns do not contribute to pollution. Carry on girls.

PSS: Another geek after his untiring labourious efforts finally succeeded in explaining me the reason for a ceiling friend having three fins(read previous post).

PSSS: From where and why does noise come when one tears paper ? Any gyani ppl. around ?

PSSSS : Click on the ads below..Support this blog

shapeless musings

2007-06-20T12:27:00.000+05:30

Its nearly 2 am in the morning. Having just retired to bed couple of minutes prior, my fatigued body took to hibernation in a split second. But a jubiliant caravan disturbed it. Hoping for the caravan to pass away, I made my best attempt to resign self to slumber. But the adamant caravan had taken a break nearby. ' raahi judte gaaye, kaarvaan badhta gaaya'. Its now about 4 am. .But having observed the intrinsic liking of the caravan for the nearby place, I get a feeling that even a thought of sleep under the circumstance would be at best, very optimistc. I try my hand at completing an old poem, but make a big mess of it. Yaa....even bigger mess than what I made of this post ! Meanwhile, bright, enthusiatic, cheerful guys in their tryst with the destiny of love mingled with beautiful girls, playing 'kiddin'' games, holding hands and holding ^#$# (abe mamu, mazaak kar rahela hai). The merrymaking is far from over. Subtle play of guitar accompanied by fresh young voices recuperates continously. Man, there is love in the air!!!! Old jokes shared and laughed at, girlie giggling continues, flirtatious tendencies displayed at best, and......Hey , hold on ! A little lonely star is soon soon 'gonna' get relegated under the clouds. Some 'clouds' are bent on diminishing the little star's shine. A puff of smoke emanicipates from a distant cig. A shrill cry of cuckoo goes unheard. I can't see that little star right now. The cuckoo wants to make its presence felt, but poor little creature. Who would like to even see such an ugly little bird, no matter how well it sings. Suddenly a drifting cloud makes a way for the little star. The star just seems so near. I think that there is a huge storm concealed in the tears which are now almost instoppable from the star's eye. And now, I am waiting for the sun to rise. But hey...!!! Somehow, i feel the phoenix is rising too....

PS : If you can't 'understand' the above post, better not comment. and if you can, please explain me too.....even, I can't understand 'this'..!!!!

To my dear fan

2007-06-18T16:07:00.001+05:30

I sit on my bed with almost a dozens of books and thousands of other artifacts. I give up my on my writing a decent article for the upcoming issue of a infra. biz. magazine. A nearby wall lizard watches me in attention as I flip disdainfully through the pages of one of my chronically erroneous articles. The humidity in this part of the country making me realize that the human body consists of 70 % of water..(C'mon..Though many disagree, I am a human too). I have a sadistic look at my fan, which nearly smirks at me as I battle like a little David against the mighty Goliathic heat. Meanwhile, I wonder why this fan has three fins and what the fins may be talking within themselves about me. It has watched me in all my emotions, crying at times, cribbing at times, laughing over some old joke. It has watched me as I undertake my journey down the memory lane, as I bathe in sunlight, watch the crisp flight of the eagle on a bright morning. It has watched me dreaming about that wonderful future that lies ahead, as I gaze at the half lit moon making its way among dimming stars. It has watched me as I fill myself with the cool breeze and hope it goes as far as I would wish it should. It has watched me as I exchange smiles with the sunflowers adorning the lawn ahead. It has been there when I do just close my eyes, hoping to find someone when I open it. It has seen those tears, those laughs which no one has ever and never will. It has been a witness of the constant surges of emotions, those spurts of energy which make me the unparalleled at times, those fleeting moments where I become just a spectator to my life which keeps heading on a freeway and destined for a sudden end.

'Dear fan. I never thought I would say this. But, I've never cared for you, never thought of you, and I'll move on one day leaving you. I have been turning you on and off, whenever I feel like. SORRY..! I wish you read this someday. Anyways, words are poor conveyors, the heart knows itself.

yeh kya ho raha hai...

2007-06-17T16:30:00.000+05:30

People have never been so insane. Believe the world is moving the other way round. Mr. Bush has suddenly become worried about global warming. The 64 year ' old' man of the millenium is making love in films with cutie pies and girls. Chief Justice in Pakistan has been talking of ethics and responsibility. The man who ushered liberalization in India as a finance minister has got 'too' socially responsibile and has been presenting his views on inclusive growth. The main ruling party couldn't decide on the next president. A liberal leader becomes the premier of France, the tradiational socialist bastion of Europe. Our Hon'ble railway minister is busy taking business classes. ( Hope XLRI doesn't call him to share his gyan in his home state). The highly conservative Tata Group goes on a idiotic, absolutely illogical ( anything that can't be explained by logic is strategic). acquistion spree. The king of good times copulates with the common man. The no. of farmers committing suicide is just a statistic for the Hon'ble Agricultural minister...Bravo Minister... some wise man correctly said ' A single death is a tragedy, a million death a statistic. And finally, I am attending more than half the lectures at XL....sob....sob...

Dhakka maro dhaaka.....

2007-06-16T18:11:00.000+05:30

Well, few days back some people in Bihar had the most dramatic experience of their life, while travelling in a train. The train staff asked them to push the train for a while. After being pushed for nearly half an hour by a 1000 odd people, the train did move twelve feet. The overhead traction lines in Eastern railway aren't continous. Neither they need to be. The train normally runs a short distance due to its momentum without the traction. But exceptions to scientific laws are becoming too frequent nowadays. The train stopped 12 feet short of the next overhead line.

I am huming that Govinda 's song 'This happens only in India'....and you thought, its only the superman who pushes train...uhh...!

PS: Traction or no traction, the trains will always move in Railways ministers state.

First Impressions - Jamshedpur

2007-06-15T00:11:00.001+05:30

After 38 most boring hours of my life, I finally landed by Howrah Express in India's first planned township, Jamshedpur, named after the legendary visionary Jamsedji Tata, the centre figure of India's biggest business house. A single word which encapsulates my experiences with Jamshedpur is change. The weather changes more frequently than Dhoni changes his gloves and probably for the same reason - humidity......gosh..! u picked up on the jharkhand connection...wah wah ..! Even the rates of every commodity from needle to an almirah are as flexible as Indian batting. Surprises everywhere. The population here is Bongopolitan, with dadas contributing ..oops, consisting of 40 % of the population. By the way, I find 'dadis' with their big big big eyes and tonnes of lipstick fascinating. With the remaining 60 % (abhi tak dadi par hi atke ho kya....!)forming a perfect sample for the 'rest of india' population, (sample, population...wat am i saying...still the hangover of the mahaboring statistics class), the rest of the town is as demographically diverse as the starcast of L.O.C ( haven't seen that movie...lucky you). The markets here have a million shops. I believe the no. of shops outnumbers the population. The gardens here are as beautiful as they can be. Well maintained numbered roads ( reminds me of Gandhinagar, Chandigarh) with plantations running parallel presents a nice view. The hills in the background add to the scenic beauty of the place. The smoke from the chimney of Tata Steel plant at times tends to disturb this otherwise serene place. Seems, I am going to miss the hustle and bustle of Ahmedabad....more on jams'r later....ciao

Golden Rules - II

2007-06-10T13:06:00.000+05:30

As I take a career break after spending four years in job, I present here a concise list of my Golden Rules for a sureshot rise in the corporate world, many of which I learned the hard way.

Diplomacy always pays.
At times, bluntness pays better.
Commit honestly. Have courage to back out from commitments, if required.
Wasting time isn't a waste always. Even if that means discussing economic policies of Banana Rep. with your boss.
Everybody can't be equally talented in all aspects. Let the relevant person take leadership in his area of talent.
Appreciate efforts, no matter what the result.
Life isn't fair. The best person doesn't always win. Learn to live with it.
Take breaks whenever you feel like. Don't wait for the workload to get less. The world isn't going to stop for you to get off.
Don't bury things. Admit mistakes tactfully.
Money matters.
Having a contigency job on hand is always better.
Be patient. There are many more people who put up with more crap than you do .
Value other people's time.
Wear a smile.
Bypassing your boss is a high risk - high return strategy. Not for the amateurs.
Carry your work home, not the pressure.
Don't chase fads.
You don't work for the betterment of the organization. You work so that your boss looks best.
Having only one godfather in a company can be brutal. Instead have none.
Nothing is so important or so urgent to make you tense.
Office parties/ picnics are never casual.
Two people can keep a secret, if one is dead.
Fairer sex is not always preferred.
To rise high, 'Smartness may be tolerated. Shrewdness would be demanded.'
There are shortcuts to success.
You won't stick to all of your today's perceptions tomorrow. Respect people who differ.
Prejudices exist. Biases are inevitable.
You ought to be good at networking.
If not, make close friends with the one who has the biggest network within as well as outside the company.
If you keep on doing things you do best, you restrict your chances to improve.
Try to get into a comfort zone as soon as possible. Never stay in a comfort zone for long.
Hardworking, intelligent, asslicker is as good as it gets.
Professional hazards exist everywhere. Don't whine.
Its better to be true than humble at times.
Take care of your health. You ought to live to reach at the top.
Back your men; sun, wind or snow.
And the last two things. a) Never share everything you know. b).....

I am hot

2007-06-10T10:21:00.000+05:30

I am hot. I am hotter...No, its not metaphor silly...I was literally hot and hotter than the hot weather in A'bad. With the mercury in the city touching 102 F, my thermometer indicated the temp. of the dorsal portion of my temporally resting tongue as 104 F. That should mean I am giving energy to the surroundings which is at a temperature lower than me. Well, how about rearing this viruses(which cause fever) and implanting them in human to make them inexhaustible sources of heat energy(until they drop dead). Energy security problem solved.....! Ain't I a genius ? Well, guess the fever has finally made its way somehow to my brain. (Please don't doubt. It exists. An X-ray did reveal it to put an end to the perennial question which boggled me since times immemorial. Meantime, I am currently on a mission to defame those idiots who made me cram the second law of thermodynamics)

But more than the fever, it was the realization of my failing desperateness which turned me sad. My desperateness to meet some of my 'darlingest' (no ideas please) friends in A'bad and Baroda before I move on to Jharkhand. Again, the same cliche 'If wishes were horses, men would ride.'

Gentlewoman's game

2007-06-05T19:59:00.000+05:30

Today I watched the fastest bowler in modern cricket. The fastest delivery was at an express speed of 107 km/ hr, with an average of 100 km/hr C'mon...I'm not kidding. The key is, I am referring to women's cricket. I think a spinner like Kumble bowls faster than that. Also, the words to which the women bowlers are complete strangers are line and length ( how does length matter to them anyway....). The only comforting aspect is that the fastest bowler is an Indian. But the quality of play is such that even an under 14 mens team of Sikkim (or Mizoram) would have felt as invincible as Australia playing Bermuda, if they have a match with any damn national team in women's international cricket. Well, cricket too like many other sports is purely a man's sport. It is not for without reasons that cricket is called a 'gentleman's game.' Women, I believe are too gentle for it.

PS : And had it not for the glamour and short skirts, I wonder how many would have ever watched women's tennis. I am not an anti-feminist, or a maso chauvinist pig. I have all the due regards for the fairer sex( By the way, I watched Serena Williams playing q.f. at French open. Does she also belong to the fairer sex ?).

Shadow ESOP

2007-06-02T13:52:00.000+05:30

ESOPs have always been an instrumental tool for financial planning and retaining top talent by corporates in the West. Since mid 90s' this financial instrument has made its headway in India too, albeit on a smaller .Though it was Reliance first who thought of implementing it in India, many other corporates took the lead in this regard. ESOP has always been a classic case of deft financial jugglery, and the juggler's improving. The latest on the list is DLF. And they call their brainchild ' Shadow' ESOP.

In a normal ESOP, the company allots you say 1000 shares at Rs. 10 (to be paid later) with a vesting period of 5 years. You sit idle on your 'alloted shares' for five years. If the market value of share is Rs. 50 at end of five years,you just need to pay Rs. 10,000 ( 1000 X 10) to the company and get those shares.

In case of a shadow ESOP, you'll pay nothing, but the company will pay you Rs. 40,000 ( the diff. between market value and value offered to you) or the option to continue your 'shadow' stock. Direct benefits of this method is that it doesn't lead to any further issue of shares and hence no equity dilution. Also, your EPS remains intact. The other side of the coin, it results into a direct cash outflow from the company. Well, the accountants are sure in for some restless nights as they try to figure out the appropriation methodology for this potential outflows.

PS : DLF stands for ..'Damn Lucky Fellow'..(c'mon i m not kiddin this time, sacchi....ask K.P. Singh, the real DLF)

Paradoxical paradoxes

2007-06-01T09:44:00.000+05:30

- A community in Rajasthan resorts to violent means to get itself registered as a ‘scheduled tribe’. During 1931 census, there were massive protests by some castes as they were enlisted to relatively ‘lower castes’. Jay Bhim. Jay Mandal.
- Though we have made significant strides for reshaping the economy from a state centred, highly regulated to market driven, the ‘Five Year Plans’ continue to serve as a prime tool in the eyes of finance ministry, Planning Commission and PMO. I think, a 50 year old socialist trademark won’t wither away so easily.
- Business Standard prints news pertaining to Intas (an Ahmedabad based pharma. Co.) acquiring Verionics twice on two different pages on the same day. One printed in the page detailing biz. News from West, and one on national. An Editing blunder or absence of any other significant happenings. I better not reveal my guess.
- No official message or communication on ‘Labour Day’ by CPI (M).
- Election of a right winged candidate in third consecutive presidential election in France, believed to be modern Europe’s socialist bastion and the only truly welfare state in Western Europe.
- BCCI having tough times to find a sponsor for cricket team’s tour to Ireland and England.
- The girl from China bags Miss Congeniality award at Miss Universe competition.
- And finally, a RIL SEZ project at Navi Mumbai gets delayed inordinately in getting approvals. Isn’t it a paradox?

Advertising for B-2-B

2007-05-31T15:59:00.000+05:30

Branding through means of mass communication was something unheard for companies primarily in B-2-B transactions. Their limited and almost predefined customer base made it unsuitable and unworthy to resort to such exercise. Rather their advertising campaigns were limited to having stalls in ‘meets’, promotions at related conferences, ads in business magazines and pink dailies and direct mailing to selected potential customers. Nothing much has changed till date. However, suddenly there have been quite a few advertisements of some B-2-B transactional corporates. Though there aren’t pouring cats and dogs at the time, they are significant enough to indicate a trend, if not to reach a conclusion. Birla Group ads have been quite eminent across channels since last few months. Recently, Jaypee group and HCL are flooding the channels. (Though I personally find HCL’s adv. very unnerving. There is a thin line between self esteem and ego, and the commercial to a greater extent tends to be on the wrong side of the line ). L&T’s Imagineering campaign posters had occupied significant space in the print media and on hoarding in metro cities, though they haven’t raided the TV media after their highly emotional ‘ yeh mere papa ne banaya hai’ campaign. There are many other corporates who have resorted to such mass communication in the past one year. But in terms of creativeness, freshness of concept and subtly putting the message across, I think Accenture steals the show.

The core question for crore is then, why are companies involved in pure B-2-B transactions resorting to such full scale public advertising and that too through means of mass communication. Having worked on detailed financials of two major corporates purely in B-2-B transactions, I can safely assert that the proportion of advertising expenses to sales weren’t more than a quarter of a percent about a couple of years back. The same I assume would traditionally be the trend across all sectors and B-2-B companies. May be, the brand awakening and brand building is going to set things to change. However, such corporates aren’t much benefited by brand building if their ads are being viewed by non target customers. Their advertising and marketing campaigns were always deeply influenced by segmentation theory and would remain the same for years to come.

A closer look at the corporates meting out these ads would make you understand that almost all of this have a diverse customer base across sectors, and it would therefore not be absolutely out of place to use mass advertising as a tool to open up new potential customers. Though there are corporates purely in B-2-B transactions, which have thought otherwise. No means to know, whether they are more wise.

However, I feel the real reason lies somewhere else. A booming economy and a talent crunch have resorted corporates to vie for the available talent. A better branded company would find it easier to retain and attract people, other things (i.e. Location, salary, profile, company size) being same or equivalent. People would prefer working with say, Punj Lloyd (their adv. Stinks) than with Patel Engineering (nearly same sized companies). A brand name of a company also commands more loyalty from its employees.

A subordinate reason may be the effect a brand recognization of an organization has on its share price. (For its assumed that brand recognization leads to sustained monetary benefits in the long run). In the race to uphold shareholders’ wealth, several indirect measures are being resorted to ( and why not !) and addressing masses through advertising could be one of the motives.

Anyways, how successful this advertising campaigns have been would not be very discernible. So, just admire Tiger Woods forgetting to consider the rotation of ball(Accenture), enjoy the cuteness of the little boy impressing his baby 'girlfriend'. by operating the Hydro Plant(Jaypee) and helplessly watch the idiotic 'computer guy' talking crap till the innocous investment banker decides to buy out his firm (HCL). :)

Murdering English

2007-05-31T15:50:00.000+05:30

Some brutal murders of the language I unfortunately discovered coming from different quarters in the past week.

A letter which self received from SBI started with ‘ Welcome to SBI. We are the only bank among 100 largest banks in the world’. But I didn’t took any offence as they are ready to give me a big loan at cheap rates without any collateral or guarantor. So, I’ll bank with the only bank among world’s 100 largest banks.

Ravi Shashtri coins out an entirely new meaning of ‘ Show no mercy. Take no prisoners’. (who says Indian coaches aren’t creative !). The temporal coach in his defence of using the above phrase said it means to defeat the opposition ‘fairly’ and ‘squarely’. Hmm...Dear Mr. Shashtri, you’re an f*king asshole and that means you have the sexiest butt on the planet. Last heard, Mr. Shastri’s English teacher tried to commit suicide.

A matrimonial advertisement posted by a prospective bride read – ‘I have just one sister married with a kid’. WTH…and I thought child marriages are passé and banned. I think I missed the chance when I was a kid. And read it again. ‘ …JUST ONE sister’. I think some people would be more comfortable writing in the regional languages though in English script, especially while posting matrimonial ads.

For further list, catch on Mr. Bush bullshiting on CNN. After completion(?) of his presidential term, he is planning to opt for a career change as a ‘stand-up’ comedian. He has all the skills needed for that. With his comic face and supreme knowledge on geography, I am sure the swagger 'gonna' be a big hit.

PS: Watching Miss Universe, especially the Q&A reinforced my conviction – ‘ Beauty and brains are diametrically opposite in location and proportions. All five final contestants had pre-prepared answers which were blurted out no matter what the question.

PSS : Any intelligent girl, I am sure, would not deem it worth to spend her precious time to contradict the above statement.

PSSS: How come I am looking so ugly today ?

Ahmedabad

2007-05-19T01:58:00.000+05:30

As the time to march towards Jharkhand dawns closer, I am lurking here in my hometown for the last few weeks. Being a forced nomadic and having trot unfathomable places interacting and negotiating with human look-alikes for almost half a decade, I am really confounded as I enjoy uninterrupted full week at home. Agar duniya mein kahin jannat hai, to woh yahi hai, yahi hai, yahi hai. However, absences of some cool sexy apsaras in this jannat is slightly disturbing.

With no flurry of business calls, no official mails, no issues as important as the ‘existence of world’ depending only on me, no non-standard verbal creativeness of customers to be borne every morning, no alarm clocks bothering me (did they ever..?), I have decided to catch up on my lost sleep.( okie, that means I sleep seven hours a day…...alone ofcourse ) My reading inclination seems to have deserted me, and has been replaced by my nonchalant gazes at the idiot box. Seems I am as free as one can be, the word ‘free’ in literary sense. But I think, my honeymoon is going to end soon. Nope, u f*king crap, ‘Honeymoon’ not in literary sense. Samjha kar yaar. I am been assigned the highly tortuous task of cleaning up (or down..watever) my closet which boasts of hoarding more books than LDCE’s library. No ideas please. Not your type of books. Pure academic books, idiot. I think I can start a library if I don’t land up in a decent job.( Till now, I did decent job only. I meant the fat paychecks). And yaa, the list of items to be purchased, ( why do people call it ‘shopping’ ?) seems to be getting as long as Jacob Oram. Considering my super disinclination for purchasing (buddhu, bole to ‘shopping’), even a Tatenda Taibu would have suffice. Has anyone ever outsourced shopping out ? Help..!!..Help..!!

LD Blues

2007-04-26T11:43:00.000+05:30

As I am soon going to leave for Jamshedpur, back to college, yesterday I turned nostalgic about those wonderful college days. Also, as J & S, my best friends were at my place and the semifinal match between Australia and South Africa literally being a one-sided contest, we took off on nostalgia highway to cherish those dream moments till early morning. Some interesting events…..

A blitzkrieg 9 ball 27 run innings in the LD cricket cup finals in 2003 by the worst ever batsman of our team. We went on to win the finals from a dead situation.

Leaflets written in spectacular rhetoric derogatory English by some highly sick idiots and pasted all over the college from classrooms and drawing halls, to library, cricket ground and even toilets alleging my link with a drug racket (oops…) and a former Miss LD, and then the drive undertaken by my friends to remove all of them within a couple of hours.

The petty fights between hostel blocks for some mundane reasons.

The legal battle we 50 odd students, fought against our professors, university, AICTE, and principal in the High Court and lost and finally the celebrations when the H’ble SC altered the ruling in our favour.

The football match in which I broke the arm of one of my best buddies. His falling down almost unconscious, regaining consciousness and uttering ‘ yeh haath katana padega’, and we scoffing at him.

“Managing’ about 2 lakhs of sponsorship for annual culfest from a cold drink company, and finally giving rights of canteen to its competitor.

Having stalls selling 33 paise water pouches at 2 rupees each and then spending the entire amount (about 20 K ) on parties within a month.

Our HOD calling me to testify that K was a student of the college during final year viva. His I-card being not granted as a sufficient proof.

Calling a strike, because a pro gave too much assignments.

A pro getting infuriated at me for reading ‘Business World’ in Material Lab, and challenging me to explain “Hardening Treatment for SS” to the batch, followed by self giving a two hours lecture and professor later borrowing books from me on Heat Treatment.

The three hours in which we initiated and completed our final year project for 100 marks, and the same project being submitted by four of us under different titles. The project report was actually a study report by a diploma student, and the only effort we took was to get Xerox copies and printing the first page. (and yaa, I got 88 marks)

I writing poems for a friend, so he can impress his 143rd ‘true love’.

Launching a website and conceptualizing a grand function for the same, fund raising, space selling, hosting, event management, and despite internal fights successfully completing the function. My first touch with management.

J whistling at a new hottie on campus only to find her taking our HMT lab later in the day.

Weekly trips to R-world to catch a movie at 20 bucks and in the process spending 50 bucks on petrol.

Think I had the most wonderful batchmates...Can't write more...Effusively sentimental.....did I say sentimental...uhhh..!

A Tribute

2007-04-24T10:51:00.000+05:30

Did I entertain you ? He asked. And the audience responded with a resounding yes. The prince of Caribbean – Brian Charles Lara, one of the foremost epic batsman opted to hang his boots. His arrival to the international arena was characterized by a weakening West Indies side yet he did hold the mantle all alone by his charismatic batting. This lone ranger was infallible in his day, the issues recuperating with Caribbean cricket, not withstanding. His ravenous appetite for runs and big scores could only be surpassed by him, himself. With his ability to create magical moments, his artistic blend of flurry and defence, his ravishing cover drives, his ballerina footwork, this flight footed gentle giant devastated many a bowling greats on the cricket field. We would miss those magical wave of his wand, he so naturally, so effortlessly made while sending the ball over the fence. We would miss his ‘natraja’ pose while hitting the ball in near impossible gaps over square, his penchant for fighting it out, ‘all- out’, his unprecedented backlift, his artful sweeps, his flirtatious hits behind point, his deft placement, we will miss the artist of a genre above class. In this era of macho hitters, he kept the bastion of classic cricket alive, and we are fortunate to be part of generation that got entertained by this uncrowned prince. What else could be a more fitting tribute than a poster on the field during his last match that read ‘God doesn’t retire, then why does Lara?’

What Uncle Sam Really Wants

2007-04-23T16:06:00.001+05:30

Yesterday night I read Noam Chomsky’s ‘What Uncle Sam really wants’, and I am really repentant why I didn’t read it before. Chomsky goes in details, no words minced to highlight the duality of US bid to remain the only dominant superpower serving its elites. Build around solid historical facts, it successfully articulates the deeper intentions and actions of the world’s superpower to usher ‘equality, liberty and fraternity’ around the globe. The devilishness of US to ring in a ‘New World Order’ is hideously bizarre. The author’s statement that almost all US presidents could be blamed for political genocide pretty much sums up the essence.

Though I am comfortable with the fact, that every nation has the right to further its own selfish interest, the means to which the ‘powerful’ at the White House resorted can only be termed ‘UGLY’.

PS : If you want me to send a soft copy of the book, drop in a mail.

Back to skool

2007-04-23T10:37:00.000+05:30

This is my second last week with Alstom. Soon, I’ll be leaving Gujarat to join one of the ‘top’ rated B schools, and would be spending two long years of my life over there. After four years in corporate life, working for two corporates, I would be back to school. Back to books. Back to lectures. Back to submissions. Back to ‘mock projects’. There aren’t any butterflies in my stomach, but I still feel a bit anxious.

Whether I would be able to sit for long lectures ?. Some miscreant said attendance is compulsory. Poor me. Whether I would be able to read academic books. ? A few years back, I was attending L&T’s highly rated Management Development Programme for about a week at Lonawala and was truly bored to the core. The ‘self made genius” that I am, found the course too slow and contents too basic. I decided to leave the lectures midway and had a trip around Lonawala in the rain.

After gaining some limited experience in various business areas ranging from Project Management, Marketing, Sales, Biz. Dev., Strategic Planning, Project Finance for various multi billion projects, whether I would be able to survive when someone starts giving fundas on ‘Segmentation’ or talks about ‘NPV / IRR’ or ‘Supply Chain Management’. I think I need to empty my cup beforehand to gain some fresh tea, to relearn something in a better and structured manner. Anyways, for the record, I prefer black tea without sugar.

Metamorphosis

2007-04-06T12:45:00.001+05:30

A few days back, I was a part of the audience at 2 day business enclave, where the topic under scrutiny was “Metamorphosis of Indian Industry. Is it for real ?” The dignitaries present to express their views included a motley of famed personalities from academia and industry. The list included CMD of GEB, MDs of GACL, GSFC, Director of L&T, CFO of Suzlon, CEOs from Thermax, Microinks and prominent IIM professors. All the speakers from the industry gave an elaborate account of the turnaround of their respective organizations and sounded very optimistic on the coming of age of the Indian Industry in general. Bottlenecks in infrastructure, government policies /intervention (read interference) and lack of sufficient talent pool notwithstanding. Having a chance to witness the flow of such positive vibes from corporate chieftains gave me a high.

I was enchanted by the title of the subject discussion, specifically the term ”Metamorphosis”, and I tried to delve deeper into it. So, what is Metamorphosis ? The dictionary gives the definition of the subject term as “ a transformation, as by magic or sorcery” and “a marked change in appearance, condition, form and character”. The most oft quoted examples of Metamorphosis are the changing of tadpole into a frog and caterpillar into a butterfly. But, what about the transformation of a small seed into a giant tree. Is it not metamorphosis? What about a spark of heat energy turning into a fire? Is it not metamorphosis? What about the transformation of a thug called “Valiya” to Valmiki rishi? Is it not metamorphosis ?
At times, this transformation, literally and metaphorically is chaotic and sudden. Sometimes, it is silent and long drawn. But usually, it is painful. The caterpillar turns blind, loses its limbs to emerge more beautiful. Is corporate India ready to take the dare of undergoing massive radical transformation. I believe Yes. The pain and risk of exploring unchartered territories abroad, optisizing, rejuvenating business models, aiming sky high and giving an all out effort to achieve those has been the storyline of many Indian corporate over last decade. But still, I feel the party is yet to begin and there is some time for champagne to flow. Cheers to Corporate India..!

Pandora's Box

2007-04-06T12:36:00.000+05:30

Life has always posed unexpected endeavours for me and thankfully has given me the strength to undertake them and cherish them in my stride. However, I am not sure what lies unearthed in the Pandora’s box.

Never wanted to opt for science. Preferred Wordsworth to Watt. But took science as a relatively more career savvy option.

Got into a mechanical engineering in a herd mentality.

Thought of making some engineering innovations, when secured a job at L&T. Never thought, life had plans for taking me into marketing.

Never thought I would leave L&T

Never thought I would compromise on ethics, and finally toss them out for a spin.

Never thought I would make some life lasting special friends in Baroda especially after putting 18 hours in office daily.

Never thought I would have to leave them so soon, and the very thought of leaving them would turn me into tears.

I wonder what the future holds,
How successful I would be,
Whether I’ll live some other life,
Or a life where I’ll be free.

Life is a Puzzle

2007-03-12T13:35:00.000+05:30

Life is a puzzle….said so R with an ‘all knowing’, yet sadistic photographic ‘grin’. It is indeed, many would not dare to disagree. The moment we feel we have solved it, the puzzle rejuvenates like a phoenix in least expected form, and at worst suited time, to make you go through the grind of solving it again. Barring some enlightened souls such as Buddha, Vivekananda and some contemporary ‘babas’, we all have been wondering on the trick to come up with a solution to the dilemmas it has been posing to us.

Coming back to R. This highly energized, highly enervated individual has been through thick and thin of relationships with ...hmm...three thousand seven hundred eighty five females on last count. (okie..its exaggeration, but got the feel naa..) And now, he wonders whether he wants to be a member of the institution, which run-of-the-mill people like me call marriage. His programming expertise is of little help to him to draft a software for this problem. Aware of his basic instincts of being on a prowl for anything remotely female, he is not sure whether he would be able to curb his ‘hunting’ tendencies post marriage. His chances of not displaying flirtatious inclinations for three hours in a row are as low as Munaf Patel hitting a double century against Australia and Mandira Bedi talking sense on cricket….oopps...is she gonna be there in this WC? Yaa…world cup fever has caught me. My dear friend R, being a good guy (meri sangat ka assar hai), he has amazingly (or rather…he amazingly has) staunch views about fidelity (or infidelity). Fidelity and R…wow, that is as synonymous as Bush and World Peace. To cut a long story short, my dear R prefers to stay single rather than ruin someone’s life. Magar kambhakt life…yeh parents hai, ki maante nahi. Their “aakhiri khwaish” of playing with their ‘pota- potis’ is to be fulfilled. Hey, oldies…can’t you be a bit innovative in your wishes…! Apne yaar ko problem mein dal diya naa.

So, yesterday evening, R and myself had our thinking caps on to come out with a solution for his ‘puzzle’. After two plates of samosas, two packs of balaji namkeen, and one pepsi (without whisky …neat maar diya), we fail to come up with a agreeable and ‘workable’ solution. But then suddenly the creative genius in me ‘rose’ to the occasion and I suggested him to find out a girl who has had relationships with four thousand three hundred ninety six guys earlier, and marry that ‘Casanovi’.(that’s feminine for ‘Casanova’)

“What…u &%^%#% fu&^ idiot...r you crazy…we are discussing about my marriage…not one more ding-dong affair ?”…Okie…idea dropped. Puzzle unsolved. (Meanwhile, my mind runs wild thinking of the matrimonial adv. for finding that ‘Casanovi’)

Poor R, my deepest sympathies to him and I sincerely wish that he soon finds out a ‘workable’ solution agreeable to him and his parents. Well, I again quote one of my earlier lines. “A man wants to be a woman’s first love and a woman wants to be a man’s last passion”

PS : Any solutions welcomed. Giver of the selected solution will get two days and three nights free stay ‘ all expenses included’ at GIDC –Phase IV, Vatwa, Ahmedabad.

Missed

2007-03-07T11:06:00.000+05:30

I have been shuttling between Mumbai and Baroda-A ‘bad a lot since last few months with such a frequency that even the flight attendants get worried, if I do not show for more than a week in the morning flight. And three flights in the last week made them really wonder, why this moron does “up-down” between Mumbai and Baroda. So, an over-anxious flight attendant got the courage of striking a conversation with me.

FA – Good Morning. Hope you had a nice day yesterday in Mumbai
Me ( with indifference)- yaa..Thanks
FA – What do u do ?You travel a lot
Me - But, still its much less than you.
Still the anxiety had not withered away. Her expectant eyes, forced me to come out with an answer.
FA – (pleading for an answer..bol bhi de)
Me – Smuggling
FA – (with a plastic smile)….What…naah! you must be joking. You don’t look like that.

Oops….! I never knew she had attention on my looks. Nahi to hum bhi ekdum jhakaas taiyar hokar jaate. Missed the train in flight. Anyways, we normally act rude and quite indifferent to flight attendants, but I can emphatize with them for having to put up with demanding morons like me, and that too with a smile. Their job indeed is more tough than mine..

Why are you living ?

2007-02-21T14:58:00.000+05:30

The last few weeks have been really nice on my physical health. Being forced to stay in Baroda with less touring around, enables me more time with myself. But not having anything on hands except bunch of magazines around, and the sagas of ruining social fabric in TOI and garlanding business successes in BS, my chaotic mind takes off to unstable territories, and poses questions difficult to comprehend, more difficult to answer. Dimaag hai (?) ki manta nahi…

So, yesterday my enigmatic mind posed me a question: “Why are you living?” I keep on trying out excuses to appease myself, but I know that I am nowhere close to find out an answer, good enough to maintain my self esteem. My entry to the earth was beyond my reasonable control, but I utterly fail to find a reason strong enough to continue my presence. No… I am far from any suicidal instincts (Suicide is a punishable offence under IPC…waah…that’s a wonderful law). But after leading a bizarre existence trotting this land for 25 years, it shook me inside out to dwell on this perennial question of life. Martin Luther King once said that every man should have a cause to die for. Atleast, I find something to live for. (Beyond self, family, friends and organization) I don’t remember nor care who was my great grandfather, and the same would be the affinity of my great grand children with me? I don’t aspire to leave my footprints on the sands of time to last forever, but even if my tenure on globle was to be terminated tomorrow, the earth won’t shrink a bit. My contribution (if any) to current “earth” is miniscule by any parameters. …Maybe, I live because I am living, not living because I want to “Live”.

PS : For the second time, my attempts to understand the simple Maslow’s pyramid failed yesterday. (Free) Help required.

Not my subject

2007-02-02T11:05:00.000+05:30

Time : 7 am, 30th Jan., 06. Location : Chair Car, Indrayani Express. Destination: Pune (for an interview) Condition : Deep slumber (after 48 haphazardly hectic hours.). The panoramic view of the exotic hills not enough to make me stretch my seemingly non-ending sleeplessness. A shrill voice did disturb it a bit. But, a tired body and a fatigued mind ignored it. But the voice didn’t bulge. And now it had a shriller company. Regaining partial consciousness, I diverted my attention to the episode being played. Two little teenage girls were cajoling a person, whom I learnt was a doctor to pay a visit in the next coach to their father having acute chest pain and difficulties in breathing. The TC, from his passenger list had figured this doctor out. He was also literally prodding the doctor for his services on urgent basis. The doctors blunt reply in an indifferent tone that he is just a physician and this is not his “subject” shocked me out my comfortable chair. I joined the girls and many other co-passengers in requesting the doctor for providing his attention to the case at hand, but to no avail. He continued his gaze outside the comfortable AC coach window and advised the now nearly weeping girls to get down at Pune ( which was over 1 hr) and find some doctor there. Courtesy, some other gentleman who contacted his family doctor and could arrange an ambulance at the next station, the “subject” got down at the next station. I do not know what happened to him. I do not guess whether the doctor could have alleviated the pain of that man. But the inhumane tone and behaviour from him was certainly unwarranted. Maybe, he belonged to that breed of doctors such as Dr. Asthana of Munnabhai MBBS fame, who do not love their patients. I shared this over here, as this was one of the rarest moment in my life, wherein inspite of deepest desire to help someone out in his moment of crisis, I was utterly helpless. Shame on you, Doc. Shame on you.

I think Railways should consider having a doctor -on – call arrangement at its stations. Its over three days since the incident, but I am not able to get the imprints of the episode just fade away. Anyways on a lighter note, “Why is a doctor’s work called practice ?”

Back to Travel

2007-01-28T21:18:00.000+05:30

I had three days off on 26th, 27th and 28th after 3 days of constant hectic touring at not so good places in Gujarat. And the lazy lump, that I am, wasted three days watching the idiot box, moving around with friends and boozing. Hmmm...not a waste really....Anyways, I start tomorrow for a more hectic week. Have seven cities in the next five days in my agenda. Start from Baroda tomorrow morning. And have to "manage" attending a friend's wedding in Porbandar during weekend. ( Hey, R...I m not commiting..I will try to be there). Its over three and half years, since a bunch of extra "ordinary" gentleman passed out of engineering college with me. And a hell lot of them are tying the knot. Its great news for me, as now I can have "Ghar ka khana" in most of the cities nearby. Maybe I should also get "settled". Maybe not...maybe....maybe not...Hey, I m just 25, can still easily afford to procrastinate my wedlock ( why does it rhyme with deadlock ?) for some time..

Also, I wonder sometimes, whether I enjoy travelling or staying in the same place....well...as long as I can have some interesting experiences, some nice conversations, some bitter quarrels to keep my thinking hat charged, and get paid handsomely for each day of travel, who cares ?

I know this post is crap and as bullshit as it can get, but getting crappy is not new for me...and for the "bullshit"...hmm....Just Flush it...

Left and Right

2007-01-20T15:39:00.000+05:30

It is said that our brain consists of two parts. The left and the right. Left brain oriented people are considered to be logically configured, whereas the right brainers are artistically inclined. A few days back I was discussing “Singur” with a colleague in Kolkata, who was all in praise for the ruling party and its policies. He also happens to be a “grass root” worker of the party ( I am yet to understand the analogy of “grass root”; a tree root would be more reliable, I guess). During the conversation, he made a rather innocuous remark. “We, leftists are Left brain oriented. We think logically and have a more judicious view”. I agreed spontaneously. After all, how can a Left-ist be “right” minded ?”

The concept of socialism (which inspires to further attain the idealist state of Communism) tends to achieve it via many facets of “disruptional” change to current scenario through its policies of perceived “equality”. However, for the sake of making a note, the principal argument which led to uncovering of Marx ideology is the concept of workers, labourers, peasants being always in a position diagonally opposed to that of the capitalist. The assumption that a capitalist always tends to exploit the working class, which did hold true to a greater extent then led to widespread acceptance of this disruptive Marx ideology. More than a century later, there is utterly no need to emphasize that things have changed substantially, however “lefts” are still left. Anyways, as some wise man once said, if everybody is “right”, then there would be nothing “left”.

Men & Women

2007-01-16T15:48:00.000+05:30

A man wants himself to be woman’s first love. A woman wants herself to be man’s last passion.
A girl wants many things from a guy. A guy wants just one thing from many girls.
To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
Men are like dogs. They keep coming back. Women are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone

Extracts from multiple sources

Long Live Corruption

2007-01-16T11:03:00.000+05:30

In a recent article in Biz Std. (13th Jan., ’07, Column - Al Fresco), I read about a survey on corruption. It estimates that a total of 21,068 crore is paid as bribe yearly in India. What ….? Just 21,068 crore. That’s just about 210 bugs per head. This figure I feel is grossly underestimated. For purpose of clarity, I personally classify the bribes as Personal bribes and Corporate Bribes, with the latter being a major contributor to the overall corruption. However, thanks to ingenuous financial acumen of Indians (self can be contacted personally for such ideas !!!), the bribes paid by Corporate India rarely make it to the news. As someone, who has been a part of the infrastructure sector for nearly 4 years now, I can say with utmost conviction, that the figures quoted in the survey are just the tip of an iceberg. As the chain extends from the janitor to the top-notch chairperson, it has become an “official” way of life, a custom to be religiously followed for getting things done, a “jugad” that is necessary to carry on and sustain self in the business. For the ideal (idle) minded, who dismissed the movie “ Corporate” as “just a film”, I can assure you, the “real”world is a lot more murkier than presented on the reel. However, most of us associate bribes and corruption with Government organizations. I do not deny the fact, however, this incurable disease has recently made its way even into private sector, although on a lesser scale. The “Police” services ? topped the charts in the survey as most corrupt, I think, probably because the common man has far less dealings with the Defence sector, dealing with whom, at times makes one think of Police as “very reasonable”. India’s rank as the third most corrupt country on the globe (was it HDI survey ?), I believe, has inspired many babus and netas to fight hard for the attaining the pole position.

Corruption, has become so ingrained in our customs that its high time, we legalize it. The Railways department through its “Tatkal reservations” and the passport offices through their “Urgent Passport” have already taken the lead in doing so. The additional money, which one required to pay to avail the benefit of getting things quickly, is now legalized, and money goes to Governments coffers for other (mis)use. The only seemingly benefit in such schemes is the elimination of “black money” in the process. The scheme introduced by PC and his finance ministry few years back for converting your black money to white, just by declaring it and paying 1/3rd of the amount, aimed at just the same. Did you say “ What about ethics…..hmmmm ..Damn it !!!” Lets legalize our bribe process across all sectors. How about, 1 Lac for a Class I govt. job, 2 lakh for selling adulterated foodstuff, 10 % for financial frauds, 25 % for theft, 3 lakhs for rape and 5 lakhs for murder. Then we shall truly become a modern and civilized society. Also, the burden on judiciary will reduce, sunny paji won’t shout “Tarikh pe Tarikh”, and we shall enter an utopian era. Long Live India…Long live corruption !

Poem

2007-01-15T13:52:00.000+05:30

One more of my favorite poems

If I could save time in a bottle
the first thing that I'd like to do
is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
just to spend them with you
if I could make days last forever
if words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
again I would spend them with you
if I had a box just for wishes
and dreams that had never come true
the box would be empty except for the
memories of how they were answered by you
but there never seems
to be enough time to do the
things you want once you find them
I've looked around enough to know that
you're the one I want to go through time with
I hid you for a long time
the way a branch hides its
slowly ripening fruit among leaves,
and like a flower crystal of ice
on a winter window
you open in my mind.
In my heart I keep
the sparkle of your eyes
the tender warmth of your smile
the small tilt of your head
and your little body
and I dream,
dream of holding you close
caring for you, protecting you
and loving you always.
When I think of love ...
I think of roses and red hearts ...
quiet walks ...
and very soft, tranquil music ...
I envision an eagle taking flight on a crisp fall morn ...
the first snowflake in the winter ...
and the sound of the first robin in the spring ...
I envision a glorious sunrise ...
a spectacular rainbow ...
and stars brightly shining on a summer night ...
But most of all, I envision you ...
your eyes radiating warmth, joy and vibrance ...
and the tender feelings in my heart
from your friendly smile.

20 Golden Rules for Workplace

2007-01-15T10:39:00.000+05:30

1. Rule 1. - The Boss is always right.
2. Rule 2. - If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down". The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
12. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under "Miscellaneous".
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong

Picasso

2007-01-14T19:46:00.000+05:30

My mother said to me, "If you become a soldier, you'll be a general; if you become a monk, you'll end up as the Pope."
Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. - Pablo Picasso.

Join Us

2007-01-14T14:15:00.000+05:30

A recruitment Ad. for Indian army may go like this " Join us. Travel to new places. Meet Interesting People."

For the US marines corps. it goes like this " Join us. Travel to new places. Meet interesting people. AND KILL THEM ".

No other country has had more blood stains of innocent denizens on its hands than US, that too fighting miles away from its shore.

To my software friends

2007-01-14T13:07:00.000+05:30

Few days back, somebody who had read my profile on Orkut, specifically " I am in good in networking" called me up ( I have deleted my contact no. since) to inquire about the scope of "Networking" in Gujarat....Poor guy....he was an software engineer, and he mistook a mere normal mortal like me to possess some great talent, accessible to only those elite band of Homo Sapiens who term themseleves as "software engineers".

Exceptions apart, I have come across hordes of S/W guys (unfortunately ...not girls !), who couldn't find anything else to describe about themselves, except that they are Software engineers... ( Is it a status symbol ? I am ill informed then). But I utterly fail to understand the significance of subjects one studies during his / her graduation to one's persona, that being a software engineer is used as the punch line for identification.

Well, the whole lot of ITES and its cousins contribute a meagre 3.5 % of India's GDP ( RIL alone contributes about 2.8 %....oops..I go the stats. way again). The best compliment that I can ascribe to them is that of metaphorical "frog in the well".....My dear software friends....Though the significance and importance of IT is beyond doubt, however a lot was achieved in this world even before the first computer was made.

Weather

2007-01-13T22:33:00.000+05:30

Well, the weather in Gujarat was quite lukewarm for a better part of December. But now, its getting cold, ( by Gujarat's proportions) as mercury dips down to 10 C. Normally, the temperature normalizes by Uttaryan, but weather seems to have different plans this time...Sometimes, I feel I can easily relate to weather, as I have something in common with it. " Notwithstanding the amount of criticism, we have our own way".

GDP

2007-01-13T17:26:00.000+05:30

India Inc. is poised to register a record of four consecutive years of 8+ percent of GDP growth. Newslines in pink newspapers and lot of magazines have highlighted this point now and then. However, there are too many misconceptions about Gross Domestic Product (GDP) . Here , I try to share some GDP gyan. hey...is this my blog or some educational site ?...hmmmm... watever....!!!here i start...

GDP is the ‘market value’ of all the goods, services, agricultural products generated by a region or country in a specified period. The value of goods+services+agri is derived by the final purchase prices by the end consumer. (not the wholesale prices). Goods+services+agri include farm and farm products, durables, non-durables, oil, electricity, labour prices, metals, services etc. and any item that has a market value.The GDP variation may be due to the variations in ‘market value’ of goods+services even when the quantity of products do not vary.

Nominal GDP: It is the money value of goods+services produced in a region/country based on the prices of a particular period. (inflated prices)

Real GDP: It is the money value of goods+services produced in a region/country based on the prices of a particular base period. (non inflated prices)

Note -

1. GDP accounting includes the net of imports and exports. The economic indicator which is ‘native’ to the country’s gross product which, does not include imports and exports is GNP.- Gross National Product.

2. Do not use GDPs of different countries for comparison. The prices of same goods+services are different in different countries. In which case, use the GDP calculated based on Purchase Parity Prices or based on Exchange Rates.

3. GDP sometimes is misleading and is not the ‘complete’ economic indicator as it does not include economic value addition from black-money, voluntary or charity work of economic value, goods+services exchanged in barter and not accounted in money terms. India’s GDP is quite underestimated relative to western economies, because of the amount of voluntary work is significantly higher. Your mom / wife cooking food for you does not attribute to rise in GDP in India, but similar food purchased at an restaurant contributes.
4. India’s GDP is 692 Billion $ on nominal basis and 3200+ billion $ on PPP basis.

Want a Chapter on Inflation.....its even more boring.....nope...i won;t write..

Job Hoping

2007-01-13T16:07:00.000+05:30

Last month, on my flight to Delhi from Baroda came across an ex-senior colleague ( age 50 + ) from my previous organization. As we were in altogether different teams, working for different multi billion projects, didn't had much interaction with each other except for the casual "Hi..Hello" during my tenure of over three years at L&T. My subject colleague was not aware that I have left L&T, and his first reaction on seeing me was to think "What the hell, is this stupid UPS doing in this flight to Delhi ? He is not working on any such project, which brings him to Delhi. "Belated Diwali and New year Greetings exchanged, I told him about my change of job. The next to follow was a long tantrum from him on the "Penetration of Western culture in India, Youths acting irresponsibly and leaving jobs now and then, ill effects of job hoping and other heaps of bullshit" that too with profound conviction, as we made our way through the elevators, waited for over 20 min for luggage to arrive, right till the time self left the airport. I wanted to argue with that person, but as somebody says, never argue with a pig ( because, onlookers can't tell the difference). However, I post here my take ( Not arguements in favour of job hoping), but an explanation particularly to and for the wise intellectuals, twice my age or even older for the current "sordid" state of "affairs" in job arena. Here I begin......

"For an entire generation or two, which came up to their prime of youth in 70s and 80s, even getting the basic necessities of life was not an easy task for many throughout their childhood and youth. In India, which at that time wrestled with droughts, food sufficiency was distant dream, lack of Industrialization, yet to gain "critical mass" mass movement from rural to Urban India, the accompanying poverty etc., the best dream a person could dare to see was to pass graduation, and somehow land up in a Government job. The next best being a job with Tata, Birla or L&T. People who were selected at these organizations felt it their moral responsibility to work and slog for these organizations, and had an emotional touch ( similiar to a family member) attached to these companies. The very thought of leaving these organizations was considered a sin ( namak harami) by a vast majority. "This company gave me a job, when I didn't had any......now how could I leave it ". Past 2000, tables have turned. Post liberalization, its the employees who are choosers, as job market galores, with insufficeint talent pool, the importance ascribed to an qualified and talented individual can never be over emphasized. Still, today's youth slog, not for an attachment or sense of moral responsibility, but for their rage of performance, the desire to progress, and their result oriented approach. Yet, the moment they find, there is some other company, which encapsulates their aspirations better, they shed off their "comfort zone" and reach out to live and fulfill their career dreams "

I know, I have failed to put up an explanation good enough to break any ice regarding my difference of opinions with 50+ age colleagues, but hey, .Isn't this, what they call "Generation Gap ?"And to that senior ex-colleague of mine - It was L&T, the first company to come for campus at my college, and select only UPS out of 185 mech. students, well over one year in advance... At 50+, you need to "grow up".

Unreasonable Reasoning

2007-01-12T16:46:00.000+05:30

Read an article in yesterday's TOI editorial in support of reservations for ST / SC, "supported" by pathetic unreasonable reasoning by Mr. Uke, Member, Ambedkar Trust (or Mission..?). Self do not prefer to get into lengths challenging that, as I do not feel the need to remphasize the loads full of stupidity in the lame "reasoning" of pro- reservation lobby, which favours reservation on basis of caste. Just want to state to Mr. Uke and the editorial team at TOI, that democracy was never meant for establishing equality of conditions. It just tries to guarantee equality of opportunities.

I would also take this opportunity to state one more fact, especially to our Leftists friends who constantly keep on complaining about the growing inequality in the country since decades. The Communist heaven of China has a Gini coefficient of 41. XX compared to India's 33.XX. (Gini coefficient is a measure of the income inequality for the subject nation / state. A higher coefficient means higher inequality). Do I need to write any more.

Foresight

2007-01-12T16:12:00.000+05:30

I enjoy reading forwarded mails, but do not forward forwards. However, can't resist the temptation for sharing this one. This quotes reflect the foresight of so-called logically inclined intellectuals at a point of time.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."- Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."- Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, in 1943

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible."- A Yale University management professor, in response to student Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express)

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."- Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981

"We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles, in 1962

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"- Harry Morris Warner (1881-1958), co-founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

Current Account Deficit

2007-01-12T13:53:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, I rather unsuccessfully tried to explain the significance and meaning of Current Account Deficit to a wannabe MBA. Took quite a lot time, to make things clear about Current Account Deficit and Capital Account.

So, here I present a simpler version, the very basics of Current Account Deficit for non-eco. background people like me.

C.A.D. simplified -

For importing things / goods, you need to pay in foreign currency ( say dollars). You get this dollars by the things which you have exported. In case there is a shortfall, you need to take a debt from out of the country in dollars.( that is you have to take a external debt). Also you can use some portion of your forex reserves. The condition in which there is such a shortfall is called Current Account Deficiet.

Some economists believe that a current account surplus is not good, as the surplus dollars will have to be invested in low yielding US bonds / treasury. A little CAD is good, as it would be possible to borrow money at low interest rate and use it in high yielding investments in a booming economy such as us. However, a high CAD would lead depreciation in currency, and overall outlook on the economy will become weak.

India’s CAD howers around currently 2-3 % of GDP since last three years.

Distinction Between Merger and Acquisition

2007-01-12T11:58:00.000+05:30

Although they are often uttered in the same breath and used as though they were synonymous, the terms merger and acquisition mean slightly different things. When one company takes over another and clearly established itself as the new owner, the purchase is called an acquisition. From a legal point of view, the target company ceases to exist, the buyer "swallows" the business and the buyer's stock continues to be traded. In the pure sense of the term, a merger happens when two firms, often of about the same size, agree to go forward as a single new company rather than remain separately owned and operated. This kind of action is more precisely referred to as a "merger of equals." Both companies' stocks are surrendered and new company stock is issued in its place. For example, both Daimler-Benz and Chrysler ceased to exist when the two firms merged, and a new company, DaimlerChrysler, was created. Mittal Steel's bid for Arcelor though was an acquisition in intent, the detailed workout made it look an merger of equals. In practice, however, actual mergers of equals don't happen very often. Usually, one company will buy another and, as part of the deal's terms, simply allow the acquired firm to proclaim that the action is a merger of equals, even if it's technically an acquisition. Being bought out often carries negative connotations, therefore, by describing the deal as a merger, deal makers and top managers try to make the takeover more palatable. A purchase deal will also be called a merger when both CEOs agree that joining together is in the best interest of both of their companies. But when the deal is unfriendly - that is, when the target company does not want to be purchased - it is always regarded as an acquisition. Whether a purchase is considered a merger or an acquisition really depends on whether the purchase is friendly or hostile and how it is announced. In other words, the real difference lies in how the purchase is communicated to and received by the target company's board of directors, employees and shareholders.

With Extracts from George Carell's paper. And yaa, a post on Leveraged Buyout (LBO) and Management Buyout (MBO) soon...

Voyage

2007-01-12T11:35:00.000+05:30

One of my latest poems, which I somehow completed and have managed to save it with self.

VOYAGE

Out here in the wilderness I roam,
Miles away from that cushy home,
No stream of cool water pass by
Lies above the bold blue sky.

Memories of convivial do regain,
Stirs up in thy heart a sweet pain,
About the one whom heaven bestow
With Me in the Moments of love,

When the little birds did chirp,
On shady trees with green leaves,
The sea had never such a shove,
The church bell rang on the fore.

The silent winds were fragrant then,
The soil was wet with the drops of rain,
The rainbow which glamoured in the west,
Me, an uncrowned emperor in conquest.

When you parted ways with me,
Those tears would have filled the sea,
Devoid of soul, my days began,
Without thee, I was a hollow man.

The chilly winds are now blowing by,
As I stand here on bizarre mountain high,
The sun is setting, it is twilight,
And the death knoll rungs nearby.

I see now, that mysterious hand,
Which parted globe in blue and sand,
My voyage will now soon began,
To perish in His eternal reign.

10 Business Trends

2007-01-11T18:29:00.001+05:30

I give here a list of 10 happenings/ trends during 2006 in Indian Business arena, which are different from previous years ( for better or worse) and 10 happenings which were the same, trends which in my view had a significant impact on the economy.

Economic policies and path correction by RBI has not been listed, as its impact has yet not been felt. I also exclude the Outbound deals in Steel sector as the same took place outside the territorial waters of India.

So, here is UPS’ list of things, which appeared afresh on the businessfield in 2006
1. Abnormal rise in realty sector.
2. Retail Plans unveiled by all biggies.
3. Oil touching 78 $ a barrel, to again stabilize at 55 $.
4. Nuke deal gets through. Defence open for private sector
5. Cement prices shooting through the roof.
6. Sensex scaling record Sustainable Highs.
7. Non-volatility in steel prices for the entire year.
8. The SEZ euphoria starts and continues.
9. VAT implemented. No hiccups yet. What say PC ?
10. Orders for two Ultra Mega Power Projects issued thru competitive bidding

Things which haven’t changed from previous two years.

1. Sluggishness in Reforms, Insurance, mining & labour laws specifically.
2. IPO flurry continues.
3. Failure to meet electricity generation capacity targets.
4. Corruption and procedural delays in Business dealings with Government org.
5. Teledensity continues to grow.
6. Salaries continue to rise.
7. Refining capacity increases. New oil and gas finds.
8. Big Ticket M&As made and felled.
9. Double digit growth rate in Services.
10. Agriculture again laggard. (Food deficit occurs)

Views and counterviews anticipated.

New Year Begins

2007-01-11T14:49:00.000+05:30

The first week of the new year was quite terrible for me. Lost my cell, missed a flight, couldn’t get flight booking for an “urgent” meeting to Mumbai, lost two big orders, had a not so pleasant conversation with boss, got my finger crushed in the elevator door, got into ugly spats with a colleague, could not keep my word for a meeting with an friend, my PC got crashed, watched India losing Test Match and series to SA, hurt another friend (not physically…this time atleast), could not keep to my new year resolutions and had to resort to a lot of lies ( thats a professional hazard).

But this week seems to be quite good so far. Finally bagged one order to start the year. Expect another big one anytime. Able to avoid touring and stay in Baroda for 2.5 consecutive days. I have got a new cell, but haven’t passed on its new number to most people, and hence am able to relatively relax (My cell is for my convenience, not for caller’s), patched up again with that friend. Met an old school friend (on whom I had a great crush during school days). And yaa….had a 10 hour sleep yesterday night, followed by “No work” in office today…now thats what you call a “Professional – Personal Life Balance”

Oops..! Forgot the real intent for this post. I was supposed to be writing this about what marks apart a year from another. And it was supposed to be on a serious note. Anyways, maybe some other time. But still, to aptly voice my feelings, I misquote here a small lyric penned by a friend.

“ Years do not begin, and never end,
Except for purposes of calibration;
Gives us a moment to reflect and
Share our joys to have celebration”

Have a fantastic and rocking year ahead….

Suicide Note

2007-01-11T13:56:00.000+05:30

Extracts from a suicide note.
This piece of paper hungs at the back of my desk. Just keeps on giving me the courage to say "NO" when unreasonable professional targets are given. Reminds me, that I have options.....and yaa...they are not suicidal.

"If they don't like me, then I would leave,
I am not like them and I cannot pretend ;
I am my own parasite,
I don't need a host to live."

IF

2007-01-11T13:35:00.000+05:30

One of my favourite poems by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Too much qualifications and characteristics to qualify as a Man...I think I should, rather abandon the idea.

Corporate Social Responsibility

2007-01-11T12:19:00.000+05:30

Why do organizations do business ? The only two motives for any private organization do undertake business activity are - I: to make money today. II : To make more money tomorrow. All actions, decisions for a business unit are / have to be directed keeping these two motives in the central frame. This has been so far, the unsaid, yet widely acknowledged fact in the business world. From erstwhile “tradesman” to Carnegie and Mittal, generations have been doing the activity of business based on the “selfish” motive of wealth generation. Means for disbursement of this wealth has had contradictory policies in capitalist and socialist economies, however will pursue that topic sometime later.

But, currently, thanks to a bunch of corporate jokers and mediapersons, a CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility) dimension to business is attached. Almost all organizations in India and abroad do indulge in such CSR initiatives. Such acts of charity by organizations is being taken by one and all in a positive spirit, and hordes of CEOs and MDs, donning the Who’s who list have been talking about “their” CSR activities with pride. Too much an emphasis is nowadays being laid on the CSR aspect of an company, with many organizations including my earlier and current companies, specifically recruiting “experts” for the same. From Sankaralingam to Ratan Tata, Narayanmoorthy to Roongta, from A.M.Naik to Ambanis and even Mallya, all have openly stated their CSR intiatives as a part of “their” duty to pay back to the society.

Should Organizations resort to CSR ? My take : NO, Absolutely NOT.
Most of the intellectuals would dismiss my take as idiotic or foolish, but as I have been many a times accused of both, I do not mind of stating my conviction once again to earn that pedigree.

The duty of an organization towards the society, is to make available goods and services, in which it has expertise in the best form in terms of price and quality to the society. It is during the pursuance of this selfish motive of earning profit by providing goods and services, that an organization fulfills its duty towards the society. It is also through the taxes it pays the government, which is responsible for social and economic upliftment of the society. It need not indulge in direct upliftment of society through philanthropic projects. It would be an unjustice to the stakeholders (shareholders included) to have their resources divested in areas not yielding profits. Instead, that money should be invested for furthering business prospects.

There has been a growing parade of top-notch billionaires in US, who undertake CSR intiatives by “their” own share of money, and hence the impact of such activities does not reflect in their organization books. Warren Buffet, Rockfeller, Gates being the prominent examples of such philanthropic pursuits.

Of late, some marketing gurus, have linked CSR to brand image of a company. Being a novice on the subject yet, I feel too little to question them, but utterly fail to understand any logical equation between CSR and a company’s brand image. Examples are in plenty, but I prefer not to get into that. The point is, even if there is any indirect benefit to an organization through its CSR programmes in terms of brand image building, then its just a form of marketing expenditure by an organization, and no philanthropic trait should be attached to such programmes either by the organization or the media. Such activites should be redefined and be classified as “business as usual” by all concerned.

I wish : Let Business be business, and charity be charity. Multiple hats do not yield optimal value addition. Let there be an utmost clarity of roles between corporate and government, and the tact of fruitful implementation on part of both, to deliver the best to the society.

But alas !...if wishes were horses, men would ride.

About Self

2007-01-10T17:49:00.001+05:30

Post deleted....as I have changed

Pahela Post

2007-01-10T16:16:00.000+05:30

I do belong to that genre of people, who prefer to read rather than write, listen rather than speak, basketsfull of extempore prizes notwithstanding. Yet I have opted to change for a while and try out my writing skills. No, I do not write for myself. If such be the case, self would have preferred my diary. But I write here to pour my feelings ( read frustation) out, an account of the constant surges of thoughts which strangle my chaotic mind, to get your praises ( mandatory) and abuses ( voluntary). To have a small space of my own to express my views uncensored, uncut, unrestrained before the world. I am quite apt at giving feedback and counselling ( chargeable basis) to friends and foes alike and expressing my views, but having something ? on the net to be shared with known and unknown "strangers" would be novel and interesting in itself. Here I start....